Curfew

[<~*MamaRose*~>]

What age is your child and what is there weekday curfew and their weekend curfew?

My 16yo son's weekday curfew during the summer is 11:00pm and midnight on the weekends (Friday & Saturday).

[Naturalyst]

At 16, our daughter had a similar curfew.

Edited to add: Curfew was flexible for situations such as late-ending movies or events.

[julie128]

I don't have teenagers, but I like what my friend and her teens, a girl and a boy, do. Their rule is that they tell her what time she should worry about them. If they say that they'll be home or call by xx:00, then they do, or she'll worry. They always call or come home or end up staying at someone's house. This allows the teens autonomy and responsibility, and it allows the parent freedom from worry. My friend has a really good relationship with her kids.

[applejuice]

Beware:

Many police jurisdictions do not have a curfew and if they do, they deny it. The LAPD told me there is no such thing as a curfew law. Good luck.

[Arduinna]

We don't have one for her. When she comes home is dependant on what she is doing. And if she needs one of us to pick her up, cause we don't usually stay up very late.

[enkmom]

I ask them to come home by 12 if there is nothing special going on, but they are free to call and let me know they will be staying out later (the movie isn't over, they're having a great time, etc). They are 17 and 18, and have earned a lot of freedom. They are always where they say they will be, are not drinking, and don't abuse the right to stay out super-late. My daughter has had this deal since she was 16, and my son just got this deal this year.

I have never had to set a school-night curfew because during the school year, my kids are dead tired and asleep by 10pm most nights.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by applejuice

Beware:

Many police jurisdictions do not have a curfew and if they do, they deny it. The LAPD told me there is no such thing as a curfew law. Good luck.

What do police jurisdictions have to do with parental rules?

Originally Posted by Arduinna

We don't have one for her. When she comes home is dependant on what she is doing. And if she needs one of us to pick her up, cause we don't usually stay up very late.

I don't really have any official curfew for my kids. DS (5)needs to be home by 8:00 so I can get him to bed. He's often playing with neighbors, or downstairs with my parents in the afternoons and evenings.

For the girls (11 and 12.5) they need to be home by half an hour before dark if they're going to be walking or riding their bikes home. This way, even if they're delayed a little, they won't be out in the dark. If they want to go somewhere or stay out later than that, they need to arrange transportation, as I can't drive them anywhere while getting DS to bed or after he's asleep.

So, if my girls are out after 8:00 PM they're going to be with a trusted adult, so I see no need for a specific curfew.

[applejuice]

What do police jurisdictions have to do with parental rules?

Not a thing, but thanks for the heads up. Just letting you know that you will have no help enforcing anything through the local police, which includes but is not limited to statutory rape.

[<~*MamaRose*~>]

Well it's extreme but if your child is due to be home at hypothetically 10pm and they aren't home by let's just say 3am....I'd be calling the police and filing a MPR so they better darn well take action (and in my personal experience they do).

Which brings up a good question…

At what point would you start calling around or contacting the police?

Tell me if this should be a separate thread.

[karina5]

I have no idea what we will do about curfews when that time comes. I had a curfew of 12:30 at that age, and would typically "spend the night" at friends that had no curfew so that we could be out all night doing.....ummmm....mischievious types of things.

Theoretically I am against curfews, but will have to wait and see what DS will be like.

[jennnk]

When I was a teen, I had to be home by 9 on weeknights, 10 on weekends. Unless I had a special thing, like a theatre rehearsal or show, prom, whatever, then I had to come straight home after we were done. I could go to cast parties, but only if I had arranged to spend the night at a friend's house after the show and didn't tell my mom about the party. Late night diner excursions after shows were allowed, but I had to be home by 11:30 (shows usually ended around 10). Our town had a curfew (pretty sure it still does) of 11 on weekdays, midnight on weekends. My friend and I were "caught" after curfew because we went for a walk down the block and it was 12:03; we were escorted back to the house we'd walked from, it was so lame. My younger brother is 18 now and he has never had a curfew, he just has to tell my mom where he'll be and when he expects to be home, and has to call her if the plans change. The level of misbehavior isn't all that different between what I did back then and what he's done; he's smoked more pot and had more sex with his long-term girlfriend, but I drank more and had lots of boyfriends. The difference is, he's not sneaking around and he has a much less confrontational relationship with our mom. I'm not sure what I'll do when we get to that point, but I like the "trust first" method of "tell me now when you'll be back, call if plans change, be quiet if you come home past my bedtime, wake me to tell me you're home" that my brother has had as opposed to the "earn my trust" method of "be home by X time no matter what" that I had.

[BedHead]

My 13 yo daughter has to be home by dark, which is 11 pm in the summer but 5 pm in the winter, if she's just out doing whatever with friends. If she has arranged for a ride and I know where she's going and who she's with (eg. to a movie) then she can stay out later, but not after 10 pm on school nights.

My almost 16 and almost 18 year old sons have no curfew, but I have to know where they are (address and ph#) and they have to have their cell phones with them and fully charged. I ground them if I lose touch with them for an overnight period and into the next day (ie 18 hours or so). The 16 year old is relatively new to all this and hasn't been doing too well - he's grounded more than not. The 18 year old is basically on his own and it's fine with me if I hear from him once or twice a day if he isn't home.

[alllyssa]

My kids are never out w/o something to do (movie, school or band event, get-together w/friend, or a sleepover with friends whose parents I know and have spoken to :-) So, if they are at a movie, for example, the come home when the movie is over.

The driving laws in CA have changed DRASTICALLY since I got my license, so no one can drive their friends around until after they have had their driver's license for a year. They also don't offer driver's ed. or training in school so kids have to take it privately and pay (or parents pay) so many are not getting their licenses at 16, like I did.

To make a long story short, as a result of the new driving laws, it's the parents who are picking up from movies, school, sports or band activities, so they come right home or go home with a friend for a sleepover.

I've never just said, "Be home by 11pm" and had no idea where they are or what they are doing.

And we do have a legal curfew that is strictly enforced in my area of San Diego. I have a neighbor whose son has actually been busted twice and had to do community service and pay a fine. He was not in a car either time, once walking down the street and once hanging out with a friend in front of a house (not either one of their homes).

[Dar]

No curfew. Just courtesy. Rain generally checks in as the evening progresses and let's me know what she's up to, and if she needs a ride she's pretty good about letting me know fairly early on (like if she's going to a show). Usually, if she's out past 11 or 12 she's either with someone who can drive or settled for the night at a friend's house.... or out with me and my friends.

Dar

[UnschoolnMa]

No curfew here really. Our town has a curfew that we keep in mind though.

Other than that it's just a courtesy, every one knowing what is going on thing. If I have any concerns about plans I share them. So far so good.

[MillingNome]

Another no curfew; please be use courtesy but really...

I say that but then must add we live in the middle of the 'hood and there actual is no just wandering and hanging out for my kids. So maybe what I really mean is dd can stay up as late as she wants either at our house or a friend's or at a movie or ????. We will pick her up as needed. We'll have to see what happens when she hits high school

[UUMom]

We haven't done a curfew, but a town one was imposed at age 16, as there is a midnight curfew for 16 yr old drivers. Now he's 18 and it's still not an issue. He's very thoughtful about arrivals and departures. I don't know how I would feel if he wasn't thoughtful about his comings and goings. The other teens haven't expresed an interest in going out at night yet. They go to friends homes etc, but so far no dating or anything...I expect we will continue on the way we have when that time comes...If we know where they are we are pretty much OK with any time.

[EdnaMarie]

I didn't have a curfew after 14, but I had to call my mom wherever I was and let her know when I expected to be back. If I didn't call by an hour that she felt was worrying (would change depending on the situation), she would get worried sick and call the entire town.

To avoid her waking up elders at our church at 1:00 a.m., I tried to call.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by julie128

I don't have teenagers, but I like what my friend and her teens, a girl and a boy, do. Their rule is that they tell her what time she should worry about them. If they say that they'll be home or call by xx:00, then they do, or she'll worry. They always call or come home or end up staying at someone's house. This allows the teens autonomy and responsibility, and it allows the parent freedom from worry. My friend has a really good relationship with her kids.

That's what my mom did with me. I told her when she could expect me, and if I was going to be late, I called. I used to call even if I were going to be 5 minutes late -- she still laughs at me for it.

I plan on doing the same with my kids. I think one set curfew is kind of random.