So what's life on call really like?

[Stacymom]

I'm taking a huge plunge- I'm taking DONA training in September, and I'm so excited. I will be working closely with a local midwife who I really like. She offers doulas to her clients as part of her package, so I'm going to be in more of a partnership type arrangement with a possibility to move into an apprenticeship later on. I anticipate maybe 1-2 births a month, along with pre and post natals.

I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, but I didn't anticipate being able to start so soon. But the job opportunity practically dropped out of the sky, and I'm convinced I need to go after it now.

I have two girls, ages almost six and four. I also teach violin lessons out of my home in the afternoons, but I'm fleshing out a plan for that.

So is being on call really stressful for your family? What's the hardest part? Do calls for births always come at the most inconvenient time possible, or does it work out okay? Do you usually have notice before you have to pick up and go, or is it always last minute? And of course, the big question: how do you handle childcare? Is it horrible?

Please be realistic- I'm really interested in knwoing more about what this is going to be like.

[tlcdoula]

So is being on call really stressful for your family? I will admit it was very stressful on my family when I first started. We had to work through childcare issues which was very stressful and sometimes I think my dh didn't really understand what doing births was going to be like. When I would call him from a long birth he used to tell me to come home - it was hard for him hearing me say how tired or exhausted I was, but he has adjusted over the years.

What's the hardest part? I would have to say the hardest part is missing important events that the kids have going or making plans with the kids and having to cancel them. My family is pretty used to it now, but a few years ago it was hard to walk out on a fun family event. It can also be hard finding a back up doula and finding someone you can count on to be there for you.

Do calls for births always come at the most inconvenient time possible, or does it work out okay? They aren't always inconvenient.

Do you usually have notice before you have to pick up and go, or is it always last minute? I think that really depends on the client and how clearly they understand your expectations. For example, last week I had a client call me from the hospital after she had been there for about an hour. I was very clear with her that she needed to call me if she thought something was going on and she had called me a few times earlier in the week. That day she just went in and then called and expected me there instantly. Thankfully I just happened to be at the same hospital visiting a mom who just had her baby so it worked out.

And of course, the big question: how do you handle childcare? Is it horrible? For us it was much harder when we first started but now I am fortunate because I have a few of mine that are adults or young adults that I can lean on. I would make a plan and then have a back up plan for childcare!

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Originally Posted by Stacymom

So is being on call really stressful for your family? What's the hardest part? Do calls for births always come at the most inconvenient time possible, or does it work out okay? Do you usually have notice before you have to pick up and go, or is it always last minute? And of course, the big question: how do you handle childcare? Is it horrible?

Being on call was incredibly stressful for me. My 1st was not even 2 when I started attending births. When I became pregnant with my 2nd, I quit. I think at 4 and 6, it'd be a lot easier. That is, if you have on-call child care. For me, the child care was horrible, stressful. My MIL wasn't working at first, and it was fine, but once she got a job it really became a nightmare. I think this just varies from person to person: you have to be able to go at any time. Look around at your life, and figure out how you would handle 2 am calls, 6 am calls, 7 pm calls, etc. All hours. What if you have a marathon labor to attend? Could you be away from home for 24, 36, 48 hours? These are all things to think about.

Some calls come at 2 am, some at noon. You just never know. Sometimes you have advance noticed, sometimes you have to drop everything and run.

[Veritaserum]

Most of the births happened at decent times. When I first started attending births I felt like I couldn't leave my house once I got into that window of time when a client could possibly give birth. After awhile I continued to make plans, with the understanding that they could get canceled. I'd keep my birth bag in the car with a change of clothes/shoes.

Childcare was the most difficult issue and is a huge factor in why I'm taking a break from attending births. I gave birth to #4 10 months ago and she was the straw that broke that camel's back. We also home school and I run a club for homeschooling girls that meets in my house (could have a contingency plan, but I'm stressed as it is). I also teach childbirth classes and would either have to leave my students high and dry and reschedule or have a back-up doula. It just felt too overwhelming to figure it out at this point in my life.

My dh had the same response as the previous poster regarding long births. He didn't understand just how disruptive it could be to leave a woman after X hours. He'd also get frustrated at home if the youngest started to really whine for me (it was the middle of the night, she was about a year old and just wanted to nurse back to sleep). Your kids are older so that may not be an issue.

I worked with a home birth midwife in the type of arrangement you described (she just started looking for a new person for the position so it makes me wonder if it's that same mw) and it was really neat. I liked it a lot. I LOVE, LOVE attending home births. I've been blessed that over half of my doula births have been at home. If you do happen to be with the same mw I was with then I might see you at a couple of births coming up (dear friends that I've doula'd for previous births and I can bring my nursling).

[Veritaserum]

Oh, as a previous poster said I also required my clients to call me as soon as they felt ANYTHING different. I also wrote it in my contract that it could take 1 hour before I got there after they call me (getting kids ready and to the sitter before going to my client).

[1stimestar]

Oncall time is more of an inconvenience for me now. It used to be quite stressful and yes, due to childcare. I was a single mom. I would have one young, single friend of mine who could come in the middle of the night. In the morning she would get the kids up and dressed, drop the oldest off at school and drop the other at another friend's house while she went to work. Then I'd have another friend pick up son from school and daughter from friends, bring them home, stay till night friend came back over that night. I was lucky that I had several reliable friends.

Now it is just a matter of me not having more then a drink with friends, going backpacking, or on dog mushing trips or race starts/finishes, or camping. We have such short summers that it is difficult to stay in town while we have the warm weather. I am thinking of taking next summer off as I really have more backpacking trips I feel the need to do. Things that don't involve drinking or going out of town, I just do and carry my cell lol.

Good luck.

[doulatara]

To be honest, I hate being on call. But I love attending births more than almost anything in the world (other than dd and dh), so it balances out. I feel like I only have a shelf-life of so many years as a doula, so I am definitely making other plans (going back to school) because I know eventually, if I have a baby or injury or just decide it's been enough, I will have other options.

My tips are to have several backup plans for childcare at all times. Ask your mamas to contact you even if they suspect something is starting: they can always call back to say it fizzled...I always emphasize many times that there is no such thing as calling too late at night or "crying wolf", the more contact the better, so I can better arrange my life.

I also recommend providing an incredibly consistant life for you and your family in every moment besides when you are at a birth, this way it won't effect them as much.

Thank and appreciate your DP and family and childcaregivers everytime you do go to a birth. It's a lot for them to handle as well.

Realize you may be gone 30+ hours, and if you are, you will also need the entire next day to sleep and recover from the experience.

Also don't stop your life completely around a due date. You will regret if you don't do fun things or if you pass up opportunities because you think someone may be starting labor, only to find they don't.

Definitely schedule yourself times where you are not taking on clients to go on trips or just be home with your family, otherwise you will feel too bound to your work.

GOODLUCK! It is a beautiful profession!

[BetsyS]

Some people do call so well.

Not me. I find it incredibly stressful to know that the phone could ring any minute, and it could mean that I had to leave for an hour or for 48 hours. It's just the unknown. And, I never even dealt with call and childcare at the same time. :

[ParisAnne]

I am just getting back into doula work. I took a 6 year break, and finally felt the calling to come back, now that dd is almost 6. But I have been working oncall at the local birth center, so I'm still experienced in that. I work oncall 10 days a month as a room cleaner, so when a family goes home they give me a call to come in and get the place straightened up again, do laundry etc.. It's a relief when those ten days are up. I enjoy the work, but I'm exhausted by the end, but that's b/c I can end up there anywhere from 3-10 times during those 10 days. This round just ended and I was there 8 times, but I actually wasnt' too tired at the end of this shift.

I've attended one birth two weeks ago, since deciding to go back. Don't know how quickly I'll find work again, there's alot of doula's in my area. I need to follow through with my certification again. I had a prenatal meeting with a client today who is do next week. I'm mostly worried about juggling those ten days I'm on call at the birth center with the possibility of having a client due at the same time.

I'm jealous of your arrangent, that sounds wonderful. Sounds like you'll be doing a little more than the average doula does, which is something I'd love to do, but just not available around here. It really helps to have a supportive husband and kids when doing this work, both of mine are great with it. We home school as well so I'm not sure how the juggling of all this will work out come fall (and I can no longer drop her at summer camp if need be). So we'll see. Good luck and enjoy.

[DoomaYula]

So is being on call really stressful for your family?

Nah, not for them, just for ME! I do have to remind dh that I'm on-call and he might have to pick up the kids from my bff's house or something like that.

What's the hardest part?

I'm always like, "omg, where's my phone??? is it charged????" I will literally wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat, thinking I left it in the car or something, to find that it's by my bed.

Also, and this is just here in this town, the hospital is horrific, I have 99% hospital births, and I really have to decompress when I leave a birth. I've seen women totally violated by doctors and nurses and CNMs, and the more I see it, the more it hurts. I have to come home and write it out or talk to dh and just cry sometimes. Or yell. It's so frustrating. There's only one hospital here and it sucks and the women here TAKE IT.

Do calls for births always come at the most inconvenient time possible, or does it work out okay?

I've had some of both. The most inconvenient was when dh was walking out the door for a 2-day business trip and therefore if my client went into labor, I'd have to pay for childcare for 2 days, which would essentially negate any fee I'd received from client. Of course client called like an hour after dh left! Ugh! Otoh, I had another client call on a Friday evening, and it was perfect, my dh had just gotten home from work, so I had no worries about my kids.

Do you usually have notice before you have to pick up and go, or is it always last minute?

I have in my contract that it can take me up to an hour -- call childcare person and get kids ready to go, or if the kids are with dh I have to take a few minutes and brush my teeth and maybe shower. I've never missed a birth. However I work with mostly primips and they have notoriously long labors and want me there from the first twinge. Which is fine, but can get long.

And of course, the big question: how do you handle childcare? Is it horrible?

I pay my bff to watch my kids when I'm at a birth. She is a sahm and my kids love her and her kids. Also, my dh can come home if he absolutely has to, and I have several other friends who are sahms who would watch my kids if I had nobody else. I find that it's important to have a LOT of back up on childcare. Once I take a client, I have a commitment to attend her birth, and I don't let anything short of an emergency stop me. The most difficult part is having young kids -- I'm having my fourth in October and don't plan to take any clients for at least 6 months. My twin boys are 4.5yo and my girl is 2yo, which is still pretty young. They miss me if I'm at a long birth and then I'm sleeping for several hours when I finally get home.

[PapayaVagina]

When I was attending births I didn't have any children yet, but I never dealt with the responsibility very well.

It was the single most difficult part for me in regards to midwifery. It was extremely, extremely stressful for me and I don't miss that part of it one little bit. When I first started it was exciting but after a few years it just weighed on me constantly. I really don't know how providers can do it for so long. I really missed traveling and doing whatever I wanted to do...there were very few times when I got to take breaks because there was always someone that I really cared about who was pregnant and I didn't want to miss a second

It was very hard on my relationship with my dh and there were some very scary times. Between working full time, going to school off and on and attending births, I didn't feel like I was home very often.

[alisaparrent]

I second that DH thing......It has been very hard on my husband to understand long labors, or why I can't just come home for an hour or two. I'm a SAHM, so he hates it when I'm not home, he likes having me home.

Here's my advise: Schedule your prenatals and postpartums on the same day each week, that way you aren't running around all week long. If you take 2 clients a month, you'd be amazed how much running around you will do.

Make sure your clients know to call you and keep you updated....the earlier the better. On that same line though......when I first started I felt as if I needed to be there the second they felt any twinches. Then I realized and started to encourage my clients to labor with their partners (unless they were alone or really needed me) as long as possible before calling me. You will find that if they can make it through the early slow labor then I'm like a breath of fresh air when it starts to become intense or picks up a little. Plus, it cuts my time way off and gives me time to arrange for childcare or take a nap, etc. The times when I've gotten to births at the very begining, I sat around bascially doing nothing for 5 hours, because most moms do really well breathing through contractions during the early labor phases and don't need much help. Although......I never not come if they want me there early, it's always left to their discresion.....but I found that if you encourage them to start on their own, then the marathon feels less for them, since there is a change of pace when I show up.

Also, childcare options are a must!! I have been incredibly blessed to have my parents and in-laws both retired and ready and willing for me to drop my DS off at all hours of the day/night.

ALSO, like someone else said earlier, you have to allow your time to sleep/shower/eat afterwards or you'll be dead! When my births are over (majority of which have gone through the night), I go straight home and at least try to get a few hours of sleep before picking up my son. There is no way I could function if I didn't.

Overall though, I don't mind being on-call. Just go on with your normal life and carry a cell phone and bags packed in the car....you'll be fine~

[MsBlack]

I think Papaya Vagina makes an extremely important point here: if you are someone who wants a lot of freedom to come and go, travel, have 'down times' for yourself, then being oncall is likely to be much more stressful than for someone like me--I like my freedom for sure, but I'm a bit of a homebody, not all that social, and am able to get my downtimes 'whenever'. To me, getting those calls for birth is an interesting exciting break in my otherwise fairly quiet days. I do however make plans for time off--a month or more in a year, so that I can be sure to have some really free time. Having backup is pretty important too--that is the one thing that stresses me, when I have a client in an area where my usual backup is too far away to ask her to be there for me should another birth or unusual family matters get in the way--or I just need her help at a birth (I have a rural hb practice)

Reliable childcare and kids who can take sudden absenses and/or long absenses, are both a must. Kids can get used to it...but you must must must have good available childcare or the stress will be a killer imo.

[tlcdoula]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

I think Papaya Vagina makes an extremely important point here: if you are someone who wants a lot of freedom to come and go, travel, have 'down times' for yourself, then being oncall is likely to be much more stressful than for someone like me.

I don't really agree with this (I know it is your opinion, and I respect it - just want to say that you can be on call and do lots). I do just what I please when I am on call. I am not one to go far from home, so that might make a bit of a difference, but I am always gone!! This summer I have spent more days at the beach with the kids then I care to think about. I have taken them to the park several times a week, we go for walks, shopping, movies - you name it I do it even when on call. I plan events with friends - my sil and I have a weekly coffee "date". The key is to always have your phone with you, have your vehicle packed and ready and make sure people understand you may cancel.

I always have my phone and my van has all my birth supplies always in it. I also have a suitcase in my car with clean clothes, so if I am at the beach (in my swimming suit) and I get called I can simply drop the kiddos off (or if we take two vehicles then I can just leave). I live my life the same as when I am not on call - the only difference is when making appointments or dates with friends I will end with "I will be there as long as I am not at a birth." They often chuckle about the whole thing and will shake their heads knowingly

Vacations are a little trickier because I tend to go away far. I plan the same weeks each year and will not change them - that makes it easy because everyone in my life knows I go for one week in July and one week in October so if someone calls and wants me and knows me they know those vacations are standard and I am not flexible with them. That might sound mean, but being inflexible with those two weeks makes it easier to say "no, I cannot attend your birth" if the need arises. There is no guilt because these are my vacations, have been the same vacations I have taken every single year since 2000!!

If someone is close on their dates then I just make sure they know that I am going on vacation x week and that my back up will cover if need be.

I totally understand how that can be stressful for some, but in time it does get easier. You can enjoy life - just be prepared by having your stuff ready at all times.

[BetsyS]

Originally Posted by tlcdoula

I totally understand how that can be stressful for some, but in time it does get easier. You can enjoy life - just be prepared by having your stuff ready at all times.

You're the kind of midwife/doula I admire from afar! Being on call really never did get easier for me (I did it for 6 years). There are some people that work into it really well.

[applejuice]

The doctor who delivered my first two children at home brought his wife with him. His wife was also his receptionist/secretary.

When the birth team left, my Father, who delivered most of my siblings and me at home, said, "What kind of life do these people have?"

As the years went on, and I had three more babies at home with a midwife, I realized that most midwives were not married, probably from the stress of the job. Just a guess. Too bad.

My midwife was happily married with six children. I found her to be singularly special in that sense.

[Jane]

I'm a student midwife, and I attend up to 10 births a month.

By my choice, my preceptor didn't call me unless she wanted me to come - that was easier for me. I committed to being there within 1 hour of her call.

When I'm on call, my life is different in a few ways...
1. I go to bed at a reasonable hour, even if I'm not tired.
2. No booze, and I try to avoid being around smokers (b/c of the smell).
3. Have my birth clothes clean and packed with my shoes/socks on top.
4. Keep at least a 1/4 tank of gas in my car <--this I struggle with .
5. I always have my phone on my person.
6. I try to keep my keys on top of my purse to limit the midnight searching.

Other than that, my life doesn't change at all. I still go and do everything I would otherwise. I'm pretty low maintenance in general. I don't need to put on makeup, or get a bunch of stuff together. I know women who need to eat every 90 minutes, and bring lots of food for themselves. That's not me.
If I get called when I'm asleep, I'm often in the car within 5 minutes.

[MidwifeErika]

It is interesting, life on call. Childcare isn't always easy. I try to have lots of sitters lined up. If I absolutely can't get a sitter, my husband can come home from work (I wouldn't want him to do it more than a few times in a year though).

The way my life changes when I am oncall is that I really just try to think through what my game plan is at all times, that way I can still go on with normal life. Like just this week we have had visitors and so we took a drive up to a tourist location.... which is about 2 hours from my home, but I was willing to go because it is only minutes from the home of the client who I am oncall for, so I had it figured out in my head that if she were to go into labor while I was up there for the day, my sister would drop me off and my husband would have to have met them with the other vehicle to drop off for me.... not the most convenient, but it would have worked, and we still got to enjoy our day.

To me, one of the most stressful parts has been balancing doula births with midwifery births. I haven't had doula back-up up to this point, which isn't wise for me because everyone seems to go into labor at the same time. A few months ago I had to miss a homebirth because she and my doula client went at the same time.... the calls were not even a full minute from one another calling me to 2 different locations. Since I was still mostly observing homebirths, the doula birth had a higher priority so I had to miss the homebirth. And then the next doula client to go had a long labor that I was at and then within 30 minutes of getting home, my preceptor called to say that a woman was in labor. So, I nursed my baby, kissed my kids, and headed back out again and was gone all night. I was tired, but really glad those births didn't overlap so I didn't feel torn between the two. Oh, and I should say that my apprenticeship is pretty low volume, so the overlap can happen with even 1 midwifery birth and 1 doula birth in a month.... at least for me it does

Oh and for the inconvenient hours.... so far most women have done well at laboring when it is easy for me to leave the house.... which for me is the middle of the night. It is much easier for me to sneak out of the house at 2am then it is to leave at 11am, and so far most have called in the middle of the night. Once my youngest is 2 and can be accepted at the local drop-in childcare then my childcare worries will lighten up quite a bit and I wouldn't mind some daytime births!

I think on-call can really stress a family and that is something to keep an eye on. I try to keep in mind that it is hard for my husband to need to plan his life a bit based on if I am on-call or not... that he could get all 3 kids alone for a night at the same time he has a big school project due, or he might be the one calling babysitters at 6am so that he can get to work, or could get a movie date with his wife cancelled at the last minute. So far, he has been super cool with it all, but I am aware that isn't easy on him all the time.

[Peppamint]

: I'll be on call (backup) soon and I'm just trying to plan ahead and make sure I can handle the on-call business. I've only been on-call once when I was just an observer at a friend's homebirth (I manned the camera). It worked out as well as anything could... she called at midnight and I was home by 6am. Outside of dh having to sooth our boobaholic 2yo back to sleep, nobody even noticed I was gone. I know it won't always be that easy, the timing of "the call" or a quick birth.

I have childcare covered just fine- my biggest worry is juggling carseats/vehicles (dh drives a small pickup).