Beyond Birth - PP Sex - Possibly TMI

[Kat_shoshin]

Hello All,

My babe is almost 5 months. I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. DH and I finally DTD and it hurt different than I expected.

My cut scar had always itched a little and been sort of tough, and I expected it to hurt at the opening to the vagina - but it surprisingly hurt further in - where I have never felt pain before.

For some reason, I just expected that if I waited long enough, there would be no pain, but maybe this is inevitable.

Sooo... Do I go get it checked for this? Keep trying and give it time?

What was your experience with post partum sex and pain?

[hubris]

It takes a LONG time for scar tissue to settle and finish healing. Sometime after my first son was born, somebody told me to expect it to take a whole year for me to really feel more normal. I had an episiotomy that extended into a 3rd degree tear, like you did. Horrible healing process. I think we started having sex again at 5 mos PP and like you described, it hurt! I think I cried the first time.

What helped us:
- going really slow
- lots of lubrication, lots of foreplay
- TIME

The first pain-free sex I remember having was at 15 mos PP, which is also when my DS1 night-weaned. The dip in lactation hormones meant that I was less dry (fake lube is nowhere as good as natural lube) and my tissue became more elastic. After that, sex was actually better than it was before having children.

Episiotomies are horrible things.

[AlpineMama]

I had no tearing and we did it two weeks PP. I also felt pain for the first week or so, deeper inside. It wasn't enough to stop us, though. Lube helped but it didn't go away for a good couple of sessions. The way I figured, it hurt me a lot to lose my virginity and in a way, I was kind of like a virgin again, with my parts needing to figure out where to stretch in the right places again. Does that make sense? I think about the 6th or 7th time it was back to normal. (Just like it took 6-7 times for sex to not hurt after I lost my virginity.)

I would say to just relax and don't let a little pain stop you, but if your body says it's too soon and it really hurts, then obviously listen to the little voice.

[shell024]

I didn't have an episiotomy, and I'm still not sure if I tore or not with Ds1, but we didn't DTD till almost 4 months pp, and it hurt. It honestly wasn't until about a year when I felt "normal" down there.

With Ds2, no tear, we DTD about 2 or 3 weeks pp and it kind of hurt, but not as much as with ds1.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I wouldn't wait too long to get it checked out. I"ve known several women who had pain for a long time, who ended up having to get surgery to fix a poorly stitched/healed episiotomy. And JMO, but unless there was a really good reason for the episiotomy I'd go to a different doctor to get it checked out.

[Datura]

Maybe some perineal massage to help break up and soften the scar tissue? Perhaps some warm olive oil or something.

My internal tenderness went away fairly quickly, I had a large baby as well. It just seems to take time and patience. I got off a lot easier than you did tear wise, however, with just a few grazes.

[artemis80]

I had a third-degree tear (forceps ) and it took a long, long, long time to even be able to have sex again. Like, ds had celebrated his first birthday before it happened. Take it really slow.

[Kat_shoshin]

I was wondering if the forceps might have had something to do with the slow healing. Glad to know that there are others out there in the same boat. I did have a lot of trauma and a big giant baby and forceps and the works.

We did DTD - it just wasn't pleasant and we didn't do it very well and I had thought that after 5 months it would be fine... and it hurt different than I thought it would.

Here's to giving it time...