"You know he'll never chose to stop, right?"

[malibusunny]

I took N to the doctor last week, (not his regular doctor, who is super laid back) and when she asked how long I was planning on nursing him I replied "well, that's really up to him." and she gave me a long look and said "you do know he'll never chose to stop, right?" and I don't remember what I said, something tactful, but what I wanted to say was "yeah, I'm sure he'll still be nursing at 32 if I don't stop him now!"

but there is a little part of me that thinks she's right. not that he'll never stop, but that he'll never stop wanting to nurse. That what will stop him will be the ignorance and cruelty of society, rather than his own readiness. Much like the time I painted his toenails (at his request) and sent him to daycare, where he was shamed into never wanting his toenails painted again, I'm afraid that, in the end, not weaning him myself will result in society weaning him in a much less kind manner. I don't want his last memories of nursing to be filled with shame.

Sigh. Come blow some sunshine up my ass, please.

[Meiri]

I know no such thing.

They do indeed stop in their own time. Both of mine did, and I think we managed to shield them from much in the way of negative vibes from others.
DS was 5. DD was 7.

That doctor is flat out 100% wrong on every level on this.

Imagine a sun shining emoticon here

[wytchywoman]

Wow, sounds like you'll be going off to college with him then mama. Jeez that Dr sounds like a real moron. My DS 2 self-weaned when he was 3 1/2. (Gasp) Try not to worry, he will stop when he is ready.

[Ruthla]

whoops, double post!

[Ruthla]

None of DS' friends at preschool had any idea he was nursing when he wasn't at school. Painted toenails are different, as they're still painted at preschool or daycare. There wasn't any outside pressure for him to wean because the only people who knew he still nursed were people who were supportive- or at least respectful. I mean, he was nursing 4 or 5 times a day when he was 3 years old, he wasn't nursing every 2 hours when we were out in public by that point!

He was a little over 4 years old when he finally stopped nursing. Yes, I did set some major limits on his nursing the last 5 months or so, so I don't know if this was a true CLW in the strictest sense, but certainly the weaning was dictated by my needs and his needs- not societaly expectations.

[malibusunny]

Nick's friends at preschool last year knew he was still nursing and one was totally jealous. ha. I don't know if anyone will know this year, but he's not shy about it so probably. I'm more worried about when he goes to kindergarten.

[DandeCobb]

: the ignorance of breastfeeding beyond infancy in the medical community is astounding! and FTR, no he won't choose to stop, i'm actually still nursing, my mom says i HAVE to wean by 25, she is using MLW (not very AP is it?)

[mamabadger]

I heard that all the time, too, but all three of my kids weaned themselves, between 3 and 5 years of age. They just gradually nursed less and less, then would skip an occasional day, and finally they were just done.
People all over the world have been nursing and letting their children stop when they are ready, for thousands of years. How do doctors keep themselves so sheltered from this kind of information?

[Lovenest]

First off here is your sunshine!
Second, dont even give a second thought to that doctor!
My son is 5 and I know he will stop when he is ready, not when someone else says to.

[PatioGardener]

(hi everyone, I'm new here to MDC and TTC #1. I have strong feelings about the need for breastfeeding support/education in the health care system. Hope you don't mind me jumping in )

Originally Posted by mamabadger

How do doctors keep themselves so sheltered from this kind of information?

*sigh*. There is very little time spent on breastfeeding in medical school (~1 hour in many Canadian schools), and unfortunately it often isn't covered in residency either. If it is, it is mainly about how important it is to breastfeed, and when to start complimentary foods. Nothing about the normality of nursing into childhood.

Doctors are very busy, and most 'new' information unfortunately comes to them in easy to read chunks nicely planned out by someone with something to sell. I like to think that it isn't really about sheltering themselves, but more about not having the easy exposure. Fortunately there are starting to be more continuing education credits geared at teaching doctors about breastfeeding.

And fortunately more and more knowledgeable women are taking the time to educate their (hopefully well meaning but completely ignorant when it comes to breastfeeding) doctors. The more women who tell them, the more likely it is that they will have to re-examine their non-evidence based beliefs.

malibusunny, you rock for nursing your son, and that doc should have told you so.

[nosleepmommy]

Way to go for standing up to the doc! Even if we are quiet and tactful the message gets through that it is our decision. The medical community is frequently misinformed or suffering a lack of information, especially in regards to BF. They are managed by the insurance ("health" and malpractice) companies and drug companies. How many of you that had hospital births had to refuse the lovely free formula packs? Okay, done with my little rant there.

If you think about it really though, boys don't ever truly wean - they take a few years hiatus then start up again. (wink, wink)

[FireCrotch]

Both my children stopped completely on their own.

My first born stopped night nursing at around age 2 and then stopped nursing all together at 2 years and 10 months.

My second born stopped completely at age three (the week of his third birthday).

It was totally natural and easy. They stopped because they were ready.

That doctor is totally wrong and I'm so sorry he brought you down like that.

I got an amazing amount of negative comments for extended breastfeeding, and even more for tandem breastfeeding. Try to let it go in one ear and out the other. You're doing great.

I'm sorry your son was shamed about his pretty nails. That sucks. My three year old son loves his nails painted. We'll see how pre-school goes this year!
A lot of people assume his older sister paints them, but he corrects them and says, "mama did it!"

[fuller2]

My son stopped completely on his own when he was 3.5. (It happened so gradually I don't even know for sure how old he was!) At about age 3 he was only nursing maybe once a day, then every couple of days, then once a week, then almost 2 weeks passed, and then...a month later I realized that we had both sort of forgotten about it.

Totally painless, completely gentle, no issues at ALL. That doctor is completely wrong. (You can tell her I said so! )

[speairson]

That is a pretty ridiculous comment by the dr if you think about it. I probably would have laughed out loud if someone told me that. There are cultures where society doesn't shame a child for nursing and they all eventually wean. I mean does she really think you'd still be nursing him into his teens

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Huh that is news to me. I guess my dd and ds didnt get the memo since both weaned just fine.

Uggh Dr's can say the stupidest things :

[malibusunny]

She's a flaming moron. : I can't believe I let her make me start worrying. She's also a total behaviourist, which cracks me up because it amounts to her trying to bribe my child the entire appointment, and him consistantly refusing her bribes so he can do what he wants. It's so different from our usual doctor, who others see as not particularly child friendly but who I see as just being a normal parent. Examples of differing behaviours by the two.

Basic situation.
Nick is reaching into the cabinets and messing with things he has no business touching. I say "Nicholas, please don't touch those." he stops for a minute but once he sees I 'm not paying attention, he goes back there. Before I can say anything, Dr. W (the one who made the ignorant comment) offers him a sticker. He looks at the stickers for a bit, then engages her in a conversation about them, then takes two. after a bit, he walks over, gives them back, and goes to the cabinet again. I walk over, say quietly "would you like to sit with me?" he accepts and sits on my lap, but keeps turning my face to him, wanting my attention. Dr. W. gives him crayons. He insists she peel off all the paper. While she does this, he talks to me.

Same basic scenerio in Dr. J's office (our regular doctor). Nick gets into something he shouldn't. I say "please don't touch those -- they need to stay neat and clean for Dr. J." Nick leaves them alone for a bit and then goes back to them. Dr. J says "Please don't touch those. They need to stay neat and clean." Nick says "okay" and comes over and sits on my lap.

[hollytheteacher]

" Much like the time I painted his toenails (at his request) and sent him to daycare, where he was shamed into never wanting his toenails painted again"

That's weird...I am a preschool teacher and we do "nail salon" all the time and almost all the boys participate and no one thinks anything odd of it at all!