Looks like a homebirth may not be in the cards for this one...

[LoveChild421]

I'm not sure what to do, it seems like a homebirth just may not be the way to go with this baby. The first problem is money- we don't have $2,500, not only do we not have it, with our current financial situation we can't even make small payments or hope to pay that amount off anytime in the next few years. Another problem is that the closest homebirth midwife in this area is a 2- 2 1/2 hour drive away. When I had my son she lived only about 45 minutes away so it was perfect and we were also in a better financial situation. I work full time so I have to go on my day off and I don't get to rest at all because I'm making the trek to and from her house. I remember being in my 3rd trimester with my son and we took a 2 hour trip to visit family and it was just agonizing, I told Matt we wouldn't be making another 2 hour trip anytime while I was pregnant. I just can't imagine making that long of a drive every week when I'm big and uncomfortable. I also have to drive the whole way on the interstate which I don't feel the safest doing.

The issue that concerns me the most is that because she lives so far away, dp will not be able to be as involved in my prenatal care. He can't take a whole day off every time I have an appt to make that long drive, but he is able to take mornings off, so if I see a hospital-based midwife nearby, he will be able to be there at almost every appt. He's really bummed about not being able to go to my homebirth prenatals.

My hombirth midwife recommended a local midwife who is homebirth friendly for backup care, I'm thinking of just going to see that midwife and give birth at the hospital (no birth centers around here either).

I truly believe birth belongs at home, but I don't have the fear of a hospital birth I did when I was pregnant with my son. I feel calm and empowered because I proved to myself that I could give birth naturally. I also know more about my rights and I don't feel like I have to get upset to assert them. I feel like it was very important for me to have my first baby at home so that I knew I could do it, and know that when you feel like you can't do it anymore and you need the epidural you just have to push through it and stay focused.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I could have a good hospital birth experience after a wonderful homebirth? I have about a week to think this over before I'm scheduled to go back to the homebirth midwife. Any advice?

[mama_nym]

To me, WHO attends the birth is a very important thing - a midwife who is going to be very supportive of all my birth choices in any setting is better than a midwife or OB who isn't going to support me/all my birth choices wherever I give birth. I'd much rather give birth in a hospital with a midwife I trusted and clicked with than at home with the worry that the mw wouldn't make it on time if I needed her, etc.

That said, to me, walking into a hospital is a risk in itself. BUT, if you know the laws, trust in your body and its ability to birth, and know what the hospital procedures are and which ones you can "get away with" refusing (and you have a care provider who supports you in all your decisions) - AND you have the ability to give birth in a hospital setting - then that would be a viable choice.

My midwives are over an hour away. During most of my pregnancy, my Mom drives (she, my dd and I have a "girls' day out" while my Dad and my boys have a boys' day), so that's one less worry for me. Dh has to work during the midwives' hours, so he doesn't come to my prenatal visits (he did with our first 3, but by child #5 neither of us saw the point, since w/ my midwives it was mostly "girl talk" anyway and we listen to the heartbeat at home via fetoscope.

It sounds like you really like the midwife who is far away - would she meet you halfway for your last couple months of appointments? Is there someone who could drive you?

Would it help to make a list of the pros and cons of each option?

[nolonger]

:

I am assuming that you have your reasons for not wanting to UC so I will respect that.

Best of luck in sorting things out and having the best possible birth experience.

[True Blue]

I would prefer at home, but that is a big distance to drive all the time. I wonder if you really have to see her weekly at the end? That said, I hate driving around pregnant so I feel for you.

If you can find the right provider, the hospital birth may not be horrible....especially if that provider would be willing to discharge you and baby right away if you just wanted to go home a few hours later!

[ScarletBegonias]

the first thing that comes to mind is that medical (medicare where you live probably) will actually pay for a large portion of homebirth midwife fees. with dd it would have been over $3000, medical paid $1800 of it, leaving us with a balance of $1200. most people don't know that medical will pay for part of a homebirth. it's worth looking into if you qualify for state funded medical.

it sounds to me like in your heart you know things will come around. i personally am still terrified to step foot in a hospital while pg, even to visit someone. so if that isn't an issue for you, maybe you could find a birth center or a hospital mw. i don't know, just throwing some ideas out there.

let us know what's going on mama, we're here for you!

[flapjack]

I'd go and take a hospital tour and see what you think. If, in the end, you have an augmented labour, epidural, emergency caesarean section, three (four?) hours enforced separation from your newborn and subsequent breastfeeding difficulties, you're going to spend the rest of your life regretting the decision to birth in hospital because you'll never know if yours was a "necessary" c-section or not.
I have to say, given your choice I'd start reading up on UC. I'd do the hospital antenatal care thing, but decide at the last minute whether to go in or not.

[TrishWSU]

Aside from concidering UC and what the other ladies have already mentioned, is there a way the your HB MW would be willing to just see you the last few weeks, then attend your birth while you are receiving prenatal care from the hospital mw? That way you could only pay part of the HB mw fees and have insurance cover the prenatal. I know WA state medicare paid 100% for my homebirth. Do you qualify for state insurance where you are?

[LoveChild421]

Thank you all so much for your support.

I really like the idea of taking a hospital tour, that way I'll know if there is any part of me that still might freak out.

Unfortunately, here in GA homebirth midwives are not "legal" and can't get state licensure. I do have Medicaid which will pay 100% for a birth center or hospital birth, but there's no way they'd pay anything for homebirth. Also, my midwife really wants me to come weekly in the end, which I agree is important, but would just really be more than I can handle.

In my heart, I do feel this baby will be a UC unless something feels wrong to me at the time. Every dream or vision I have of the birth of this baby feels like I'll be doing it alone all of a sudden in the middle of the day. My mom was in labor for 24 hours with me, but with my sister (her 2nd baby) labor took 15 minutes and the head was coming out as she got off the elevator at the hospital. A nurse actually delivered my sister. That's another reason I'm hesitant about paying $2500 for a midwife, with a 2 hour drive (would definately be 3 or more hours in rush hour) what if she doesn't make it in time or I really don't need much help anyway? DP is totally supportive of UC if it feels right to me when I go into labor. He practically caught our son, he's very hands on and comfortable when it comes to the birth. We've both been studying what to do in case of an accidental UC. I don't feel comfortable with an unassisted pregnancy, but I can always use the hospital based midwife for my prenatal care. I think I'm gonna go lurk on the UC board...

[the elyse]

if i were you, having had a fairly decent experience in the hospital, do what you can do have that baby at home. you will have to be VERY assertive in the hospital, just to be left alone. if you've never experienced a hospital birth, it may be really traumatic, not necessarly physically, but emotionally. you have some time, make your decision carefully.

[nolonger]

Originally Posted by LoveChild421

I think I'm gonna go lurk on the UC board...

I wasn't planning on a UP either, but it just kind of evolved as the most sensible and safe thing for my set of circumstances. It's taken a lot of propping up from big dd to assure me that I can probably do it and the parts I can't handle are things that she and ds are willing and able to do for me.

I know this wasn't what you wanted, but it sounds like you're dealing with the situation and that you have a good attitude about it. Kudos to you, mama.

[operamommy]

I'm sorry - this has to be stressful for you.

If you need any advice on how to have a "good" hospital birth, please let me know. I've had 3 of them. Could be luck - but I did a lot of research and a lot of talking to EVERYONE (including even the head nursery nurse 2 months before giving birth) and that really made the experience for me.

It also helps to have an OB who doesn't even allow vaginal checks for dilation by the nurses without a call to her. When I went in even for premature labor they had to call my OB before they could do anything for me. I knew a lot about how my dr. was viewed by the hospital nurses before I went in, and that really helped.

[lovetobemama]

I agree with what all the mamas have said, but I also want to add one thing...Not all hopsital births end up badly. Though I am a STRONG home birth advocate, myself, and two other friends of mine chose natural, hospital births for a variety of different reasons, and all three of us were thrilled with our choices. None of us faced or were pressured on necessary intervention (not a person there even mentioned medication to me once), and all had natural, healthy, quick labors, with no separation from baby afterwards (well, I had some separation, but DS was in bad shape for a while and was in the NICU, so it was necessary, and they let me be there as much as I wanted. There was no bed, so I did rest away from him which was hard, but he was also doing pretty poorly and I'm not sure of how much he was aware of for those first 30 hours).

I will freely admit that I have other friends who have had what I consider to be really bad hospital births (we probably all have), but I just wanted to remind you that if, for some reason, UC doesn't work for you, you don't have to be scared of the hospital, you just have to be well prepared. With a primary practitioner who is truly in sync with your wishes, things can actually go pretty well there! (And, I know this is stupid and all the home birth mamas might flame me, but there is no clean up afterwards, some one else is paid to do it! )

Hang in there, either way I know you will have a beautful, healthy baby this Feb!

[nolonger]

Originally Posted by lovetobemama

(And, I know this is stupid and all the home birth mamas might flame me, but there is no clean up afterwards, some one else is paid to do it! )

Hang in there, either way I know you will have a beautful, healthy baby this Feb!

No flames from me; dd was going to do it until ds offered (since he won't be at the birth) and I have a phone number for a postpartum doula if that doesn't work out.

I'd rather pay someone else to do that part for me too.



Lovechild421, please feel free to PM me if you have any questions you don't feel like posting on the UC forums and best of luck to you, however the birth turns out.

[newcastlemama]

If I was in this postition I would consider a UC also. (I have already been considering it anyway) But, I also HATE the hospital.
I hope you find a situation that you are happy with
Jen

[TrishWSU]

Originally Posted by lovetobemama

(And, I know this is stupid and all the home birth mamas might flame me, but there is no clean up afterwards, some one else is paid to do it! )

No flames from me either, but with dd there really was no mess. I think we had on load of laundry between sheets and towels and on bag of trash. That was it.

I think getting prenatal w/ the hospital mw and then deciding whether to UC or not at the end is a great idea. You definetly have that option and it's not like you have to commit to a decision at this point in time. That's awesome that your DP is fully supportive of UC.

[flapjack]

Yeah, the story of the mess of my last homebirth is here. That said, I think the solution is waterproofing the bed and hiring a cleaner, rather than going to hospital for the majority of people.
I think you have a good solution to the problem there if you're comfortable with the idea of UC. Last time round, I had a really bad hour (also in the story above) until I called the midwife, and I didn't have the skills that I needed in the end to get that nuchal hand out without tearing.

[bloominmamas]

I feel like a UC would be a great choice with a successful homebirth under your belt already, but only if you and your dp are totally cool with it and it sounds like it is. I also agree that just that you had a hb if you had to go to the hospital you would be more assertive in your rights/needs, so it might not be as horrible as it could be for a possible first timer.

[LoveChild421]

I feel like at this point going with the hospital midwife and hoping for a UC is what I'm leaning towards. I feel like I'm going to cause myself too much stress with the 2 hour interstate drive, the money, the lack of rest because of the drive on my days off, and being sad because dp can't be there for prenatals if I choose homebirth.

The problem is, when I brought UC up to dp last night he said that he does have some fears and doesn't want to "plan" on a UC, although he's fine if it just happens. He told me that he had been visualizing what an accidental UC would be like and he realized that if anything happened to me or the baby he didn't want to be responsible. His main concern was that the cord would break or be too tight around the neck. He watched the midwife unwrap Grey's cord but it was very loose. We had a really good heart to heart about it and we're both still undecided at this point as to exactly at what point we'd go to the hospital.

I will definately be hitting up you mamas who had good hospital births for some tips. If I do end up going to the hospital I just want to be able to calmly and nicely state what I do and do not consent to or want and have my choices respected. I do know that there are several natural child birth friendly nurses who will advocate for the mother here at the local hospital, but I'm also thinking of getting a doula just in case.

[newcastlemama]

Well, the good thing is you still have a lot of time. The hospital prenatals and then decide on UC sounds like a good idea. I think if you can get dh to educate himself on UC he can get more comfortable with time. That is what happened with my dh and homebirth.....after about a month of researching he was totally on board.

Jen

[anudi01]

Are you close to North Fulton Hospital?

I birthed my daughter at N. Fulton Hospital, with Margaret Strickhouser of N. Point OB/GYN, b/c my husband wasn't comfortable at that point with home birth. I was not excited about it being a one hour drive for us (no traffic), but I didn't really see another choice. I really did have a pleasant birth there. I have only had hospital births, although, this time around, I think we are in a position to do mw assisted homebirth. But, back on topic, N. Fulton was a great hospital to birth in. They are geared for natural birth, have a birthing tub and everything. I delivered my daughter in the pool, and it was great. Now, I will say this...I didn't get to the hospital until I was ready to push, so they couldn't even bother me during 1st. stage labor, but traveling in the backseat of our uncomfortable SUV suck** during transition. Everything I have heard about those who were seeking low/no intervention births at N. Fulton, had good experiences there. I'm sure you would want early release (and if you lurk on the GA tribal area boards, there is a hosp. ped. there, who will release early, if you specifically ask for him (can't remember his name). This may have all been useless to you if you are not local to N. Fulton, but if you are, it might be worth looking into. Also, I have no experience personally with this hospital, but I recently heard that Piedmont was natural birth friendly. Not sure how accurate that is, but Good Luck!!!