Questions about Only Children - Page 2

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by lisac77

Newmommy, again I marvel at how similar our situations are.

Hi lisac77 I agree! I've been following your posts...and I'm convinced we are living parallel lives!

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by LuxPerpetua

And to newmommy, my heart truly goes out to you. I have also had untreated PPD but my parents have (and do) help me out a lot. I can't imagine how difficult it would have been without them. You are an amazing woman! Honestly, I'm in awe.

Aww, thank you LuxPerpectua!!

[Quinn'sMommy]

I’m from a large family myself, as the oldest I spent some enjoyable years as an only and it was wonderful. Some of my siblings are older and have children of their own and some are still children themselves. The way I feel about my siblings and their children is very motherly anyway. I spend a lot of time with them picking them up from school, going to their social events, keeping them overnight ect… Not to mention the time I spend with the children of my friends. While I only have one to be the parent of I don’t feel like I have only one child. I feel like with all the children I have to give my love to why take on the emotional, financial and physical toll that having more children of my own would bring. Especially since my biological clock isn’t demanding that I do.

One is a really good fit for us. It makes travel easer (and more affordable) when you don’t have several children to consider. The three of us make a good team and we have tons of fun together. The one-on-one time I’m able to spend with my son is really paying off (well I think he’s brilliant anyways lol.)

My son is three and seems very happy to me. He does get a little bored sometimes and he has a riot when we have other children over. However he makes it clear after they leave that he’s happy to have our regular (calmer) dynamic back. In some cases when I was watching a young child for a prolonged period of time I saw a lot of regression in my son.

At the end of the day I wouldn’t want to have a child unless I could throw all of myself into the job. To be the kind of parent I want to be is a lot of work, it’s not a job I’m willing to do half the way. And I have to be honest with myself about how much energy I really have to give. Now that my son is older and I’ve been able to reclaim myself I’m finding that that’s the relationship I want to explore right now. Maybe that makes me a selfish person but I think it also makes me a good mother. Down the road from now maybe I’ll feel different and want another one (never say never, right?) but for now one is happily enough.

[LuxPerpetua]

Originally Posted by Quinn'sMommy

At the end of the day I wouldn’t want to have a child unless I could throw all of myself into the job. To be the kind of parent I want to be is a lot of work, it’s not a job I’m willing to do half the way. And I have to be honest with myself about how much energy I really have to give. Now that my son is older and I’ve been able to reclaim myself I’m finding that that’s the relationship I want to explore right now. Maybe that makes me a selfish person but I think it also makes me a good mother.

I don't think that wanting to reclaim parts of yourself that you had to shelve during the infant/young toddler years is selfish at all. I feel very much like that myself. Some moms are able to handle the immense amount of energy and giving and STILL have time for their own hobbies, but my relationship with my toddler daughter right now just doesn't allow that (nor has it ever). I'm really, really looking forward to "finding me" again. I like remembering that I'm not "just a mom."

I'm really enjoying everyone's responses. I can't wait to check out the Onlies Tribe thread. Thanks for sharing that.

[apple_dumpling]

Originally Posted by lisalou

I find it a little funny that some reason are because the first is a high needs child. (no offense intended at all) I think for us if dd had been high needs we probably would have a 2nd to have more hands on deck. My mother has said in recent years that I (the oldest) turned out so well they thought they'd have another and then they had my sister and realized they needed to stop. (this is said in good fun of course) But our fear has been that dd is such a good child and so easy if we had a second they would be the opposite of her.

Well, I know in my case dd is what I would call "high needs" because she needs ME constantly. It's not so much that she needs to be doing something - we can just be sitting down together doing nothing and she's happy as a clam as long as she has me. I just can't imagine how I'd tend to a baby AND her... she is literally falling all over me 24/7 (and she's 2.5, she's always been like this) It just seems like it wouldn't be fair to who she is to knowingly bring someone else into the equation that needs much more attention than she does.

My brother is high needs in that he needs to be entertained constantly. Having a younger sibling would have been great for him, but alas, he's quite a bit younger than me and I don't think that's going to happen for him

I think everyone else has mentioned our reasoning too - really rough pregnancy, PPD, finances, etc. I won't rule out the chance of changing our minds down the road, but dd would have to be quite a bit older and able to handle having a baby in the house. Right now she just couldn't.

[ecoteat]

I had a wonderful pregnancy, a beautiful homebirth, and a long, relaxed babymoon. My daughter is amazing in every way. (it's amazing how little sleep she needs! ) Even though everything surrounding her life so far has been great, we have no desire to do it again. Part of it is that we feel like we have been so lucky so far--ot couldn't get any better a second time. I've always known that we wouldn't have any more than 2 kids, but dh has been saying for years that one is good for him. Now we feel like our family is just perfect the way it is. I went through a stafe a few months ago when I thought I wanted another, but then I realized I was just trying to hold on to the wonderful memories of pregnancy and birth. Whenever we talk about birth control, though, I realize I'm not 100% comfortable with a permanent fix, although I don't know what would make me want another baby. We are excitedly looking to the future when dd is older and more independent. Having a baby again would feel like a giant step backwards.

[nicole lisa]

Originally Posted by LuxPerpetua

What factors led to your decision to have an only child? How old is your child, and do you think that your child is happy with your family dynamic?

I'm an only myself (and have always loved it) and we're considering letting dd remain an only. I'd love to hear more from moms who've "been there done that" to see what influenced this decision. Everyone seems to think I'm an oddity and I'd love to feel less isolated.

Also, do you think you will ever reconsider adding a sibling at some point? What factors, in your opinion, would need to be in place for this to happen?

The minute DS was born, BF and I knew he was to be an only. It just all seemed to fit. We didn't even have to wait until DS was a few months old or anything .

DS is turning 7 in September and is very happy with our little family. Maybe twice in seven years he has mentioned a sibling but each time he decided he didn't cause he didn't want crying or someone smaller messing with his things or wrecking his paintings.

BF had a vasectomy just before DS turned 2 and there's never been a time either he or I have wanted a second child so I feel pretty good writing we'll never add a sibling at some point. We're just too happy. DS is too happy. We like that we can go just about anywhere we want and everything is simple. DS loves going to concerts and movies and spending afternoons reading comics at the park - all of this would change and most likely not be possible with the addition of another child; finances would change and a smaller child most likely wouldn't be interested in hanging out reading on a blanket at the park for hours. DS gets to do so much his siblinged friends don't get to and I think he'd be upset if that stopped. And I'd miss our time sharing our common loves just as much, as would BF.