or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Archives › Miscellaneous › Mothers' Writing Group › Why am I fighting myself? *frustrated*
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Why am I fighting myself? *frustrated*

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
I have wanted to write for most of my life. I LOVE to read, I love words, characters, historical events, etc.

I think I would do a really good job writing (I don't even mean for profit, just as a way to express my creativity)

I am full of ideas, plots, people and what-if scenarios. But whenever I get close to sitting down and actually putting some ideas on paper, I completely freeze up! I don't understand it! It frustrates me beyond belief, that when I have some free time, I get ready to start writing and then decide I *need* to do laundry or mow the lawn instead. I cannot make myself do it.

I have read "I Can Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was" and it says that when you get close to what you are supposed to be doing, your inner voice will jump in and tell you that you can't and make you so afraid you don't! I *feel* like I am supposed to write, it is in my bones and I get all fluttery in my stomach when I think about it (I sound weird huh) I have urges to write, but I squash them.

My dad died in December of 2005 after a short and hard battle with Lung Cancer and I have had this urge to write about that experience, but I just sit and stare blankly at the computer screen when I try.

I probably sound completely bizarre at the moment. I have been thinking of taking a writing course just to help me get past some of this resistance. My goal is not to write a great American novel, although I do think I have it in me somewhere!

I told my dh the other night, I finally figured out why I redecorate so much. I work in Accounting, I have no hobbies, and I am totally stagnant. Redecorating is my creative outlet, I HAVE to do it or I will go crazy. It is my outlet right now.

Does anyone have any brilliant words of advice? Know of some way to unblock this resistance I have? Have a magic pill for me to take?
post #2 of 6
Have you thought of taking a writing class? Maybe something with assignments and deadlines will give you the shove you need.
post #3 of 6
Just write. It sounds corny, but seriously. Get all your housework done the day before, get all your errands out of the way, clear your mind, and just write. Give yourself an hour. You're not allowed to delete anything, and if you change your mind about something you have to leave both ideas on the page so you can pick and choose later. Even if you're just writing a quick sketch or outline, you have to write nonstop for the entire time you've set aside. Let the ideas flow, and when you're done, pick the ones you like and go with them. Think of it as a diary that nobody else will see -- that may help with the jitters. If it's just you reading it, you won't care if it's corny or whatever.

In November, I believe, it's National Novel Writers' Month (NaNoWriMo). Go to www.nanowrimo.org, and you'll see what it's about. Basically, it's a challenge to write a short novel in one month. It doesn't have to be good, it doesn't have to make sense, it just has to be a certain length. A lot of writers find that it's a good exercise, because it gives you a goal to work toward and forces you to just write, without worrying about the editing process. You probably won't like the end result, but chances are you'll have some really fantastic ideas in there that you can use toward writing something better. And you never know, if you just let go of that inner editor, you might come up with something phenomenal.
post #4 of 6
I agree with the sit down and write advice from the pp. Also - a few people here started a group based on The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which is supposed to help you become unblocked creatively. I didn't really like her book, so I started reading Becoming a Writer by Dorothea Brande. It is also about getting over these initial fears. You might want to see if your library has either/both and see if they help you get over this hurdle. (I really, really like the Brande book, but everyone likes different things). Both recommend just sitting down and writing (anything) though.
Good luck!
post #5 of 6
I agree that you need to write everyday. I am a SAHM who has always wanted to be a writer. It gives me a greater sense of self-worth if I am actively writing something, even if it is just a brief journal entry. Not that I am not satisfied and happy being a SAHM. I don't know, it's difficult to explain. (Perhaps you are thinking I should give up the dream of writing! )

Please just write something. Is it the fear of rejection of you work that you are bucking against? My fear in the beginning was that I would end up having "wasted all that time writing" when my work was rejected. Now, however, I am able to see the value that the PROCESS of writing has in my life. It has a very calming and centering effect on my otherwise fairly chaotic life.
post #6 of 6
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiemomma View Post
I agree that you need to write everyday. I am a SAHM who has always wanted to be a writer. It gives me a greater sense of self-worth if I am actively writing something, even if it is just a brief journal entry. Not that I am not satisfied and happy being a SAHM. I don't know, it's difficult to explain. (Perhaps you are thinking I should give up the dream of writing! )

Please just write something. Is it the fear of rejection of you work that you are bucking against? My fear in the beginning was that I would end up having "wasted all that time writing" when my work was rejected. Now, however, I am able to see the value that the PROCESS of writing has in my life. It has a very calming and centering effect on my otherwise fairly chaotic life.

You know, I think my biggest fear is getting over the intimacy of it. I have never been one to let a lot of people in, you know, and when I write its this HUGE part of me that is totally private and it makes me really uncomfortable to be so exposed. (THANK YOU for helping me figure that part out. A lightbulb clicked when I read your post!)

Wow, never really thought about it, but it makes so much sense now. I need to just write knowing that no one is going to read it (Unless I want them too) and to just totally let myself go.

I am an organizer by nature and that really makes free writing difficult! I try to organize it all in my head before I write it down, get totally overwhelmed and just shut down. I am going to try very very hard just to write, about anything. Maybe I will jump right in and start writing about my dad. Maybe if I just write down things I remember when thye come to mind, and then go back and organize them later. I know it would help with the healing process too.

THANK you guys! I could cry! It feels like something broke through finally. I love this place!!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Mothers' Writing Group
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Archives › Miscellaneous › Mothers' Writing Group › Why am I fighting myself? *frustrated*