hello everyone 
My name is Lindsay, and I am a new member here, and I am looking for some advice. I am the proud AP momma of 3 boys. Because DH and I married young (I was 19, DH was 22) I was the first of my generation of family members to have children. However, recently my cousin gave birth to twin boys. Now when she first found out she was pregnant, she wanted to know all about AP parenting. She asked about breastfeeding, I took her to several LLL meetings with me, and I gave her all these resources on co-sleeping, not circ'ing and other stuff. Remember, SHE ASKED ME for all this stuff, I was planning to talk to her about all of it, however I didn't want to overwhelm her, what with this being her pregnancy and her being pregnant with twins and all. Now she seemed all excited about AP parenting and her husband was also very, very supportive.
Two weeks before her due date, I ran into her midwife (this midwife is the same one who delivered all three of my boys at home) and I asked about my cousin, and the midwife said "Oh she changed her mind about the homebirth, she is going to give birth at the hospital". Well I thought that maybe she was just nervous because it was her first pregnancy. Then I found out that she chose to have an elective c-section (herself, her husband and even her doctor all admitted that there was no need for a c-setion, that there were no problems and the twins could have been born vaginally) She also told me that she was so heavily medicated that she doesn't even remember the birth at all
She said she opted for an elective c-section because labor sounded too hard and she didn't want any pain/tearing etc. This was the first time I visited her at the hospital, and just after she told me this the babies were fussing b/c they were hungry and so she called for her husband who brought in some formula in bottles 
: I asked her why she wasn't breastfeeding and again she said it was too hard, and she was having latching issues and stuff. I told her I would help her, or that I could contact someone from LLL or a lactation consultant, and she firmly said "No thank-you" I left the hospital very upset. I couldn't believe she gave up on breastfeeding after only trying it once! I decided to try and not let it get to me, however when she brought the babies home from the hospital I found out she and her husband had gotten them circ'ed 
: They had told me they weren't gonna do that. I couldn't believe it I was so upset I almost cried. Still, I thought she was family so once again I tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. Well a few days later my mother told me that my cousin put the babies in daycare with total strangers and returned to work one week after giving birth 
She chose not to take any maternity leave (or her husband paternity leave) because she the babies were driving her crazy when she stayed home with them! (for a total of 3 days) All of this caused a major rift in our relationship, and over the next few months we rarely spoke.
Things finally came to a head last at a family gathering. A bunch of my family members (including my cousin, her husband and the babies) came to stay with us. My cousin prepared formula for them (the first time formula was ever EVER prepared under my roof...I bf'ed my boys until just before they turned 4) and on the first night I found out they were using cry-it-out and NOT co-sleeping like they were originally going to do. For nights I had to listen to these babies cry all through the night while their parents purposely ignored them Even my boys asked why the parents just let the babies cry and didn't go to them. On the third day I also found out the babies were vaxed and also that my cousin and her husband had blanket trained them!!! 
That was the last straw for me, I couldn't believe they hit babies so young (not that hitting older children is right either) and when I confronted her she admitted it though she and her husband used the word "tap" 
We had a big fight that ended with me throwing them out/them leaving. The kicker is that the rest of my family is on their side! They say that they never judged my parenting methods (which is true, they were nothing but supportive) and so I shouldn't judge hers.
My heart breaks for her little boys. She has moved so far away from being AP that she is on the opposite end of the AP spectrum (if there was such a thing) Now I am trying so hard not to judge her and her husband, but after she KNOWINGLY chose things like formula feeding, circ'ing etc after KNOWING all the facts I am not so sure. The blanket training thing is the worst. Babies are naturally hard wired to move around their environment to learn and explore, and these babies did not move at all, they just sat still, I could almost see the fear in their eyes. I don't know what to do about this. I am so lonely, this has put a real strain on my relationship with them, I haven't spoken to ANY of them in months, including my parents. DH has no living relatives so holidays are stuff are really lonely. My family has said that I have to accept my cousin and her choices or else or relationship will remained the way it is, however I just cannot bring myself to no matter how hard I try. I have tried talking to her, giving her resources etc however she won't listen. Is there anything I can say or do that will make my cousin change her mind? Or should I just accept her choices unconditionally like my family wants? I am feeling really alone right now, and I need some advice and support for other AP parents...Thank-you for letting me vent.
My name is Lindsay, and I am a new member here, and I am looking for some advice. I am the proud AP momma of 3 boys. Because DH and I married young (I was 19, DH was 22) I was the first of my generation of family members to have children. However, recently my cousin gave birth to twin boys. Now when she first found out she was pregnant, she wanted to know all about AP parenting. She asked about breastfeeding, I took her to several LLL meetings with me, and I gave her all these resources on co-sleeping, not circ'ing and other stuff. Remember, SHE ASKED ME for all this stuff, I was planning to talk to her about all of it, however I didn't want to overwhelm her, what with this being her pregnancy and her being pregnant with twins and all. Now she seemed all excited about AP parenting and her husband was also very, very supportive.Two weeks before her due date, I ran into her midwife (this midwife is the same one who delivered all three of my boys at home) and I asked about my cousin, and the midwife said "Oh she changed her mind about the homebirth, she is going to give birth at the hospital". Well I thought that maybe she was just nervous because it was her first pregnancy. Then I found out that she chose to have an elective c-section (herself, her husband and even her doctor all admitted that there was no need for a c-setion, that there were no problems and the twins could have been born vaginally) She also told me that she was so heavily medicated that she doesn't even remember the birth at all
She said she opted for an elective c-section because labor sounded too hard and she didn't want any pain/tearing etc. This was the first time I visited her at the hospital, and just after she told me this the babies were fussing b/c they were hungry and so she called for her husband who brought in some formula in bottles : I asked her why she wasn't breastfeeding and again she said it was too hard, and she was having latching issues and stuff. I told her I would help her, or that I could contact someone from LLL or a lactation consultant, and she firmly said "No thank-you" I left the hospital very upset. I couldn't believe she gave up on breastfeeding after only trying it once! I decided to try and not let it get to me, however when she brought the babies home from the hospital I found out she and her husband had gotten them circ'ed : They had told me they weren't gonna do that. I couldn't believe it I was so upset I almost cried. Still, I thought she was family so once again I tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. Well a few days later my mother told me that my cousin put the babies in daycare with total strangers and returned to work one week after giving birth She chose not to take any maternity leave (or her husband paternity leave) because she the babies were driving her crazy when she stayed home with them! (for a total of 3 days) All of this caused a major rift in our relationship, and over the next few months we rarely spoke.Things finally came to a head last at a family gathering. A bunch of my family members (including my cousin, her husband and the babies) came to stay with us. My cousin prepared formula for them (the first time formula was ever EVER prepared under my roof...I bf'ed my boys until just before they turned 4) and on the first night I found out they were using cry-it-out and NOT co-sleeping like they were originally going to do. For nights I had to listen to these babies cry all through the night while their parents purposely ignored them
Even my boys asked why the parents just let the babies cry and didn't go to them. On the third day I also found out the babies were vaxed and also that my cousin and her husband had blanket trained them!!! That was the last straw for me, I couldn't believe they hit babies so young (not that hitting older children is right either) and when I confronted her she admitted it though she and her husband used the word "tap" We had a big fight that ended with me throwing them out/them leaving. The kicker is that the rest of my family is on their side! They say that they never judged my parenting methods (which is true, they were nothing but supportive) and so I shouldn't judge hers.My heart breaks for her little boys. She has moved so far away from being AP that she is on the opposite end of the AP spectrum (if there was such a thing) Now I am trying so hard not to judge her and her husband, but after she KNOWINGLY chose things like formula feeding, circ'ing etc after KNOWING all the facts I am not so sure. The blanket training thing is the worst. Babies are naturally hard wired to move around their environment to learn and explore, and these babies did not move at all, they just sat still, I could almost see the fear in their eyes. I don't know what to do about this. I am so lonely, this has put a real strain on my relationship with them, I haven't spoken to ANY of them in months, including my parents. DH has no living relatives so holidays are stuff are really lonely. My family has said that I have to accept my cousin and her choices or else or relationship will remained the way it is, however I just cannot bring myself to no matter how hard I try. I have tried talking to her, giving her resources etc however she won't listen. Is there anything I can say or do that will make my cousin change her mind? Or should I just accept her choices unconditionally like my family wants? I am feeling really alone right now, and I need some advice and support for other AP parents...Thank-you for letting me vent.
:
) A lot of people believe 
