Opening presents at Birthday Party

[Flower of Bliss]

Is it standard to open presents at the birthday party?

Growing up I remember it that way. My neices do it that way. However, the last several birthday parties of small kids I've attended the presents weren't opened at the party. I was surprised. I personally like watching present opening (even if mom has to do lots of helping).

DD's first birthday party is Saturday. Should we open the presents at the party? Or wait until after the party and open them with just family?

What do you do?

[Shaki]

At my DD's first bday we opened gifts. It was mostly family and close family friends and that crowd would have been VERY saddened to skip the present opening. This a group of folks who love gift opening. They whoop with excitement over every present and pass each one around so everyone in the room can exclaim over the beauty of the gifts. So it was appropriate in that context.

I've been to a few 2nd bday parties with lots of toddlers running around and there were no organized gift opening sessions at those. Which was a relief. It's way too much to expect a bunch of toddlers to sit still for that (including the bday child) OR the parents for that matter (who are too busy parenting their toddlers to focus on the present opening). So although I like a nice gift opening I was relieved to not have to do one at the 2 year old bdays we've been to. A nice thank you note or a personal "so and so adores the __ you gave her" makes up (almost) for not getting to see the child open it his or her self.

We will probably skip present opening if we have a toddler heavy party for DD's 2nd. But we'll also probably have a small family party that does include opening gifts (I'm not about to insist that DD's grandparents don't get to be there when DD opens presents from them...That would be maddness! )

[straighthaircurly]

We have always opened gifts at the party and all the parties I have attended they opened gifts. Our parties are always small (never more than five gifts, usually less) so it is not a big deal. But some of the bigger parties we have attended for my son's friends have been crazy, the present opening takes forever and is so chaotic that you really don't get to enjoy it anyway. In those cases, I would have preferred that they waited.

[Aliviclo]

We open gifts at the party if it's a small party, and the kids are old enough to maintain interest and thank the givers appropriately.

For my daughter's third birthday party, we had almost 100 guests (it was at a free splash park, so we invited her entire class and their siblings, plus a few family friends). No way were we going to open the presents at the party. It was 95 degrees outside, and the kids just wanted to play in the water. I'm sure a few were disappointed not to see her open the gifts, but it just wasn't practical.

[<~*MamaRose*~>]

We've never been to a b-day party were the gifts weren't opened during the party. I have been to many parties though were the boxes were not opened after they were unwrapped which I’m in agreement with especially if it’s a large party KWIM.

[ccohenou]

Yes, we open presents at bday parties.
I remember a family member from another culture commenting on how strange (and, I think, rude) this custom seemed to him, though.

[limabean]

I would love to do away with gift opening at DS's parties (actually I'd love to do away with gifts all together!), but our friends and family would be sad not to get to see him open their gift, so we open them at the party.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by StrugglingMomX's2

We've never been to a b-day party were the gifts weren't opened during the party. I have been to many parties though were the boxes were not opened after they were unwrapped which I’m in agreement with especially if it’s a large party KWIM.

That's almost word for word what I was going to say. That's how I've always done it. DS1's biggest party was a total of 16 kids. That includes ds1, and two sets of siblings...so 13 gifts, I guess. I think he was 6. We did the gift opening at the party, but I didn't try to make all the kids watch, only the ones who wanted to (which ended up being almost everybody).

[Flower of Bliss]

I was sad to not get to see the kids (and parents) open the gifts I got the kids at the last several parties. I'm not sure if it was done as a kid-friendly thing. I can understand lots of little ones not being able to simply watch the gift opening.

Maybe I'll wait and do gift opening as the very last thing at DD's party so that it's not as big of a group and people don't have to stay for it... Of course then people get "stuck" watching opening waiting to say good bye.

Oh well, I'll play it by ear. I do think that we'll do opening at the party.

[sunnysideup]

We have always opened gifts at parties, because that has been the tradition. But, there are some things I really don't like about the process. The focus of the party can be The Loot. The guests can feel pressure to give the best gift--it can get kinda competitive--and that feels icky.

I was at an adult's birthday party once where he was opening the gifts and exclaiming over them. First of all, it was boring. But it also felt very materialistic. After opening one particular gift he held it up and announced "this one's the winner!" It was horrible.

[incorrigible]

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[sunnysideup]

Originally Posted by incorrigible

We always open gifts at our parties. Honestly, I'd feel rude and ungrateful not to.

I don't understand that line of thinking. As long as you send out personal thank-yous, why would it be rude not to open the gifts at the party?

To me, it feels like gift giving has become more about everyone else at the party seeing how generous and thoughtful the giver is, rather than simply wanting to give a gift the receiver will use and enjoy.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by sunnysideup

I was at an adult's birthday party once where he was opening the gifts and exclaiming over them. First of all, it was boring. But it also felt very materialistic. After opening one particular gift he held it up and announced "this one's the winner!" It was horrible.

That's...really appalling.

My brother opened all his gifts at his 40th birthday (surprise party), and they were almost all beer of one kind or another, which was funny and sad, all at once. (It's not the my brother doesn't have interests - just that they're mostly very expensive and/or he just buys the things he wants himself.)

My sister gave him a "memory kit" of herbal remedies, and some other gag "you're getting old" gift, and it was a huge hit...and cost almost nothing. That was kind of fun.

[trini]

I'd open presents, unless the party is huge. (How big of a party are you throwing for a one-year-old?

[mamazee]

If you read any etiquette advice columns, you will see that the official word is to never open any gifts at any parties. I don't even know if Miss Manners is OK with presents being opened at showers - but probably there because at least in that case the purpose of the shower is to get presents. But maybe she's not into showers at all. Anyway, for parties where you are supposedly simply celebrating with friends, the etiquette rule is to not open presents in front of anyone.

However, it is the standard custom to open presents at children's parties regardless of Miss Manners and I don't personally think there's anything wrong with it. I've been to parties that have been done both ways. If kids don't open the presents at the party, my daughter says that she really wanted to see the friend open the present she brought. I think kids enjoy it.

So you could go either way and have a good defense for your choice.

[chfriend]

My dd uses a lot of heart to select the gifts she gives her friends. It's always a complete bummer when people decide not to open it in her presence.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by sunnysideup

I don't understand that line of thinking. As long as you send out personal thank-yous, why would it be rude not to open the gifts at the party?

To me, it feels like gift giving has become more about everyone else at the party seeing how generous and thoughtful the giver is, rather than simply wanting to give a gift the receiver will use and enjoy.

I hear what you're saying, and wish that everyone thought that way so that I didn't have to help DS open all his presents at his parties! But for me, I think I'd feel rude not opening the gifts because I know for a fact that my particular relatives *love* to see people open presents, and by not doing it I'd be taking some of their anticipated joy away.

[incorrigible]

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[mamazee]

Here's Peggy Post's etiquette column - she's in favor of opening but she says you don't have to:

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/fami...er-party-oct02

Also, after some research, apparently Miss Manners says that showers and children's birthday parties are exceptions to the rule of not opening presents at parties.

[kuhlmom]

This year we finally decided to ask guests of my 5 year old's party to "Bring a smile and yourself, but no presents please." We have never enjoyed that aspect of the party and it is such a relief for us to have a gift-free party. I'm hoping that the guests feel relieved too. I know I would be.

I even think people have gotten out of control with party favors - I can't tell you how many times we leave a party with way more toys than we brought as gifts (and it's usually all plastic junk).

I just think kids' birthday parties have gotten a little out of control in general and found this great website - Birthdays Without Pressure that has some great tips for parents.

http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/
http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure....cesParent.html