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The psychologist told me i have to let him CIO - Page 3

post #41 of 151
Write a letter about WHY you will not be seeing her again. That is loony!
post #42 of 151
OMG.: : : I cannot believe this. I cannot believe what she said to you and that she is gonna be telling so many other moms the same crap and that some of them might actually believe her and will go against their mummy insincts to let their baby CIO. :
post #43 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
I have a high-needs dd and a lower-needs ds - and I can tell you, it's the luck of the draw, baby!

With DS I can leave him with just about anyone at 11 months and he cries a bit but settles right down.

With older DD she had bad separation anxiety until she was almost 3. But I was going crazy so I went ahead and got a sitter for 2 afternoons a week. She cried alot at first but then she got used to her and loved her. Then when we moved, I put her into a nutty-crunchy preschool/daycare when she was about 2 (they use slings there!). She went 2 mornings a week and she cried every time for a month - she was a legend - LOL. i had to come and get her every time after a half-hour. But she eventually bonded with one particular teacher and the others caught on how to soother her and then she loved it.

Whenever I left her with DH, she cried. Until *he* learned to soothe her too.

So I would say, give your DH another chance. it may take several times but he will learn how to help your LO and they will eventually bond enough that you can get out some. And don't forget how much the baby cried right at first until you learned to read him...so give your DH the same time to figure out the different cries.

The other thing i learned from my DD is to just always tell the pediatrician "everything's fine" unless I had a specific worry! Any other answer gets them asking questions and giving you their opinion and it can just confuse things. So when they ask "how's he sleeping?" "oh fine", "how's he eating" "oh fine", "are your still breastfeeding" "it's going fine", etc LOL Just act real confident and they will leave you alone

anyway, hth from another mom whose btdt!
peace,
robyn
I don't know about the OP but I would never feel comfortable forcing my child to get used to not being with me. I can't even begin to imagine leaving them somewhere where they cry for half an hour twice a week for a month! The fact that you put "LOL" in regards to that is really, really disturbing to me. This is an attachment parenting board right? I'm glad you feel that choice was good for you but for me that would just never happen.
post #44 of 151
I haven't read through the whole thread, but I just wanted to give the mama in the OP my support.

There is everything RIGHT about a 1 year-old babe nursing for comfort. This is totally normal and right, and good and beautiful.

Sounds like a weird ped.



post #45 of 151
Thread Starter 
thanks for the support and encouraging words mamas, it really means a lot. ii am so grateful for the support i get on these boards.

the more i think about this, the more i want to do SOMETHING about this lady...educate her, write a letter to someone about her..i dont know exactly, but it really upsets me to know she is telling people that they need to let their children CIO in order for them to be independant...i cant imagine how many people she has already told that to, that have LISTENED to her.
post #46 of 151
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by hippymomma69
I have a high-needs dd and a lower-needs ds - and I can tell you, it's the luck of the draw, baby!

With DS I can leave him with just about anyone at 11 months and he cries a bit but settles right down.

With older DD she had bad separation anxiety until she was almost 3. But I was going crazy so I went ahead and got a sitter for 2 afternoons a week. She cried alot at first but then she got used to her and loved her. Then when we moved, I put her into a nutty-crunchy preschool/daycare when she was about 2 (they use slings there!). She went 2 mornings a week and she cried every time for a month - she was a legend - LOL. i had to come and get her every time after a half-hour. But she eventually bonded with one particular teacher and the others caught on how to soother her and then she loved it.

Whenever I left her with DH, she cried. Until *he* learned to soothe her too.

So I would say, give your DH another chance. it may take several times but he will learn how to help your LO and they will eventually bond enough that you can get out some. And don't forget how much the baby cried right at first until you learned to read him...so give your DH the same time to figure out the different cries.

The other thing i learned from my DD is to just always tell the pediatrician "everything's fine" unless I had a specific worry! Any other answer gets them asking questions and giving you their opinion and it can just confuse things. So when they ask "how's he sleeping?" "oh fine", "how's he eating" "oh fine", "are your still breastfeeding" "it's going fine", etc LOL Just act real confident and they will leave you alone

anyway, hth from another mom whose btdt!
peace,
robyn





thanks for the advice, but really IMO, you are practicing CIO, and that is what i am trying to avoid.
post #47 of 151
There remains a strong difference of opinions in the field of psychology over attachment theory (John Bowlby's work) vs. drive theory (Freud's work). To over-simplify a bit, Bowlby focused on attachment as foundational, Freud on humans as competing bundles of drives (essentially, conflict/competition). So when you hear a psychologist talking about your child as though his needs were in competition with your own (and so what you need to do is establish your dominance to have your needs met), you can be sure she's from the camp that derives it's basic child development orientation from Freudian drive theory.

Of course, for many psychologists it's not black or white, and taking into account the client's own parenting orientation is not only helpful, it's key to helping the client.

Bowlby was trained in Freudian drive theory but had some formative experiences early in his career that really changed his outlook regarding children's attachment with their primary caregivers. One of these was participating in a study (with James Robertson) of young children who experience hospitalization and the corresponding separations from their caregiver (they didn't used to let parents stay or even visit). Their work resulted in the film "A Two Year Old Goes to the Hospital", which noted the sadness and anxiety these children experienced. It was the beginnings of his work on attachment theory.

Given your child's medical history and challenges it may be helpful to note that Bowlby's own work started with hospitalized children and the trauma of separation. Us AP-ers agree with Bowlby and those who further developed attachment theory (like Mary Ainsworth) that forming a secure attachment is one of the *most important* developmental tasks of early childhood (as important as learning to walk or talk). I'd be loathe to work with a psychologist who insisted, for example, that my baby needed to learn to walk or talk on his own! The work your baby is doing in creating a secure attachment will help orient him in the world later, and yes you will have additional challenges there because of his health issues (just as a parent whose child had recurring ear infections might have additional work helping that child to speak well).

In short, I'd point the psychologist to the work of Bowlby and Ainsworth, and then find another professional whose orientation is more compatible with your own.
post #48 of 151
I received an e-mail this a.m from a list I belong to and it quoted this wonderful article from Harvard Psychiatrists on why babies should not cry it out: http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html

I thought of this thread immediately! I hope it helps Alexysmama and others to speak to doctors and psychologists in general. I also agree with the pp about using the Bowlby research on attachment to speak to mental health "professionals".
post #49 of 151
I also wanted to add that I had a very high need child for my first and I followed my heart (with some help from LLL folks!) and just let her be with me as much as needed. Now, at 8-1/2 I often get comments on how independent and capable she is. Same with my son who is now 4 and still sticks close to mom and close to home. But now he is starting to venture out a bit, quite happily. I do feel that I allowed my first to be stressed by trying even for a brief time to follow the dictates of the CIO folks. I couldn't do it for very long because it broke my heart and I felt there was a REASON it was hurting me and that was because it was a wrong choice. Don't let anyone persuade you otherwise.
post #50 of 151
I just found this study, hope it helps.
What I can't figure out is why it takes science and studies to tell us
something that COMMON SENSE dictates!!! - Lasi
Harvard Researchers Say
Children Need Touching and Attention

by Alvin Powell, Contributing Writer,
Harvard Gazette

America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and
tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers.
Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies
close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with
them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael Commons and Patrice
Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.

The pair examined child-rearing practices here and in other cultures and say
the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds - even
separate rooms - and not responding to their cries may lead to more
incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders among American
adults.

The early stress due to separation causes changes in infant brains that
makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons
and Miller.

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms
the baby permanently,the baby permanently,<WBR>" Commons said. "It cha
they're sensitive to future trauma."

Their work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach,
examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural
differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology
Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of
Traumatology.

"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of
interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said. "It
accounts for cross-cultural differences in children's emotional response and
their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress."

___________
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms
the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to
future trauma."
- Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard
___________

Figley said their work illuminates a route of further study and could have
implications for everything from parents' efforts to intellectually
stimulate infants to painful practices such as circumcision. Commons has
been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School's Department of
Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department's Program in
Psychiatry and the Law.

Miller has been a research associate at Harvard Medical School's Program in
Psychiatry and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at
Salem State College since 1993. She received master's and doctorate degrees
in education from Harvard's Graduate School of Education.

The pair say that American child-rearing practices are influenced by fears
that children will grow up dependent. But parents are on the wrong track.
Physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure when they
finally head out on their own and make them better able to form their own
adult relationships.

"We've stressed independence so much that it's having some very negative
side effects," Miller said.

The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas at
the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting in
Philadelphia.

In a paper presented at the meeting, Commons and Miller contrasted American
child-rearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii
tribe of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly
when the baby cries.

"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it
took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in
their paper on the subject.

The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say.

Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on
independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or
stressful time.

Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone, Miller
said she believes many parents "cheat," keeping the baby in the room with
them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can crawl around, she
believes many find their way into their parents' room on their own.

American parents shouldn't worry about this behavior or be afraid to baby
their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to sleep
with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a
mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.

"There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through
this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they
can grow up and take some risks."

Besides fears of dependence, other factors have helped form our childrearing
practices, including fears that children would interfere with sex if they
shared their parents' room and doctors' concerns that a baby would be
injured by a parent rolling on it if it shared their bed, the pair said. The
nation's growing wealth has helped the trend toward separation by giving
families the means to buy larger homes with separate rooms for children.

The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring
for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical
relationships.

"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children,
"Commons said. "Punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get
warm, caring, independent people."

Reprinted with permission of Dr. Commons.
_http://www.hno.http://www.hhttp://wwwhttp://www.hhttp_
(http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1...enNeedTou.html)
post #51 of 151
Quote:

thanks for the advice, but really IMO, you are practicing CIO, and that is what i am trying to avoid.
Okay I respect that. FWIW I *don't* consider it CIO since someone was with her continually, holding her and trying to soothe her. If she had been left alone I would have been appalled. But I knew that there was always someone with her to hold her and try to learn her cues. Which is exactly what happened. They learned what worked with her (with some coaching from me) and she eventually was happy to see them.

For me, it was important that she learn that other people could be counted on to take care of her and soothe her also. I'm sorry you all think that ANY crying is CIO but I really don't. In my book CIO is leaving a child alone to cry.

I guess I just come from a more Continuum Concept approach that sees an extended family/human group is needed to raise a child....


peace,
robyn
post #52 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
Okay I respect that. FWIW I *don't* consider it CIO since someone was with her continually, holding her and trying to soothe her. If she had been left alone I would have been appalled. But I knew that there was always someone with her to hold her and try to learn her cues. Which is exactly what happened. They learned what worked with her (with some coaching from me) and she eventually was happy to see them.

For me, it was important that she learn that other people could be counted on to take care of her and soothe her also. I'm sorry you all think that ANY crying is CIO but I really don't. In my book CIO is leaving a child alone to cry.

I guess I just come from a more Continuum Concept approach that sees an extended family/human group is needed to raise a child....


peace,
robyn
I agree wholeheartedly with you, hippymama!
post #53 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
Okay I respect that. FWIW I *don't* consider it CIO since someone was with her continually, holding her and trying to soothe her. If she had been left alone I would have been appalled. But I knew that there was always someone with her to hold her and try to learn her cues. Which is exactly what happened. They learned what worked with her (with some coaching from me) and she eventually was happy to see them.

For me, it was important that she learn that other people could be counted on to take care of her and soothe her also. I'm sorry you all think that ANY crying is CIO but I really don't. In my book CIO is leaving a child alone to cry.

I guess I just come from a more Continuum Concept approach that sees an extended family/human group is needed to raise a child....


peace,
robyn
Yes but you specifically left her with people she didn't know and you knew she was crying for at least 30 minutes twice a week for a month and you truly don't see anything wrong with that? Wow. Just...wow.

Oh and you shouldn't claim continuum concept as justification for your decision because CC does not say anything about forcing your child to separate from you. http://www.continuum-concept.org/cc_defined.html

Specifically - "constant physical contact with his mother (or another familiar caregiver as needed) from birth" (doesn't say the parents decide when that is finished)

"sleeping in his parents' bed, in constant physical contact, until he leaves of his own volition (often about two years)" (this to show that child changes attachment of their own volition)

"having caregivers immediately respond to his signals (squirming, crying, etc.), without judgment, displeasure, or invalidation of his needs" (she needed you and cried and you denied this need)

This is something listed as what you shouldn't do - "caregivers often ignoring, discouraging, belittling or even punishing him when he cries or otherwise signals his needs" (I'd call it ignoring when you walk out while she cries)

Those are just a few direct quotes. I am not trying to pick apart your decisions - that's your business - but don't try and claim CC as justification for a decision that IMO goes directly against AP and CC.
post #54 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
Okay I respect that. FWIW I *don't* consider it CIO since someone was with her continually, holding her and trying to soothe her. If she had been left alone I would have been appalled. But I knew that there was always someone with her to hold her and try to learn her cues. Which is exactly what happened. They learned what worked with her (with some coaching from me) and she eventually was happy to see them.

For me, it was important that she learn that other people could be counted on to take care of her and soothe her also. I'm sorry you all think that ANY crying is CIO but I really don't. In my book CIO is leaving a child alone to cry.

peace,
robyn
I agree. It bothers me when posters lump a baby being held by dad or grandma or a dear friend with putting a baby behind a closed door to cry alone. I'm one of I'm sure several people here who had a baby who cried for hours and could not be consoled. That included hours in the arms of his mother. I would rock him and hold him and speak gently to him while he cried. These were exactly the same things his dad, his grandma or a friend would do. I resent the suggestion that as I, his father or his grandma held him it was as though he'd been left in a crib to cry alone.

Attachment parenting isn't the same as mom martyrdom. There is a difference hopefully. ALL parents need to learn to take breaks and that especially applies to parents of high need babies because they are even more exhausting. It isn't doing the baby any favor for mom to never for a moment take a break and never to let the baby have the experience of settling in the arms of another loving person.
post #55 of 151
Quote:
I am not trying to pick apart your decisions
Which is exactly what you did so now I'm on the defensive. So here is my response....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
Specifically - "constant physical contact with his mother (or another familiar caregiver as needed) from birth" (doesn't say the parents decide when that is finished)
She was in direct physical contact with someone who was going to become a regular caregiver - not some random person with whom she was "left". They may not have been with her from birth, but they were with her consistently 2-3 times a week until she was 4.

Quote:
"sleeping in his parents' bed, in constant physical contact, until he leaves of his own volition (often about two years)" (this to show that child changes attachment of their own volition)
what does this have to do with anything? DD still co-sleeps so I think you are getting at that she CHOOSES who to attach to. Only how is she supposed to do that without spending time one on one with the new caregiver? we tried having me spend time at the preschool with her but it only made things harder and more confusing for her....it was easier for her to get the bonding time she needed if I was not present.

Quote:
"having caregivers immediately respond to his signals (squirming, crying, etc.), without judgment, displeasure, or invalidation of his needs" (she needed you and cried and you denied this need)
a caregiver DID respond to her needs immediately! no one was acting as if her crying was a bother - we all understood that she needed to express her fears, etc. We were all respectful of her feelings and worked to adapt ourselves to her adjustment....

Quote:
This is something listed as what you shouldn't do - "caregivers often ignoring, discouraging, belittling or even punishing him when he cries or otherwise signals his needs" (I'd call it ignoring when you walk out while she cries)
even though she was held by ANOTHER caregiver?

Seriously, I think you have a very literalist interpretation of things that totally ignores the spirit of what she is talking about. A child needs to feel secure that the caregivers around him take him seriously and are there to comfort him. Whoever the caretaker is. No where does she say this can ONLY be done by momma.

I happen to think that I am a COMPLETELY AP momma and I hope that other mommas out there who have HN kids (or *any* kids LOL) don't feel like they are bad moms if their kids cry AT ALL when left with an alternative caregiver. Being AP is about being concerned with the quality of attachment that your child has to the caregiver - any caregiver. My DD's caregivers were chosen because they agreed with my worldview.

Look I know this is totally OT so maybe it deserves it's own thread. I was just trying to repond to the OP's statement that she couldn't even leave her LO with her DH....if she views her LO's crying when left with DH as an indication that she is injuring her attachment with her child, then fine. But I just view it very, very differently as the baby's way of communicating with a new caregiver until they come to some understanding. Both my kids cried my first few days with them and I just understood it to be their way of communicating with me.

If you took my post as flip, I'm sorry it bothered you. But a little sense of humor goes a long way in dealing with HN children, let me tell you! LOL

Anyway, that's my piece...
peace,
robyn
post #56 of 151
Here's ammunition for you:

Harvard Researchers Say
Children Need Touching and Attention

by Alvin Powell, Contributing Writer,
Harvard Gazette

America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and
tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers.
Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies
close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with
them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael Commons and Patrice
Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.

The pair examined child-rearing practices here and in other cultures and say
the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds - even
separate rooms - and not responding to their cries may lead to more
incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders among American
adults.

The early stress due to separation causes changes in infant brains that
makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons
and Miller.

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms
the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to
future trauma," Commons said.

Their work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach,
examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural
differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology
Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of
Traumatology.

"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of
interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said. "It
accounts for cross-cultural differences in children's emotional response and
their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress."

___________

Figley said their work illuminates a route of further study and could have
implications for everything from parents' efforts to intellectually
stimulate infants to painful practices such as circumcision. Commons has
been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School's Department of
Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department's Program in
Psychiatry and the Law.

Miller has been a research associate at Harvard Medical School's Program in
Psychiatry and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at
Salem State College since 1993. She received master's and doctorate degrees
in education from Harvard's Graduate School of Education.

The pair say that American child-rearing practices are influenced by fears
that children will grow up dependent. But parents are on the wrong track.
Physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure when they
finally head out on their own and make them better able to form their own
adult relationships.

"We've stressed independence so much that it's having some very negative
side effects," Miller said.

The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas at
the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting in
Philadelphia.

In a paper presented at the meeting, Commons and Miller contrasted American
child-rearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii
tribe of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly
when the baby cries.

"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it
took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in
their paper on the subject.

The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say.

Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on
independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or
stressful time.

Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone, Miller
said she believes many parents "cheat," keeping the baby in the room with
them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can crawl around, she
believes many find their way into their parents' room on their own.

American parents shouldn't worry about this behavior or be afraid to baby
their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to sleep
with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a
mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.

"There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through
this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they
can grow up and take some risks."

Besides fears of dependence, other factors have helped form our childrearing
practices, including fears that children would interfere with sex if they
shared their parents' room and doctors' concerns that a baby would be
injured by a parent rolling on it if it shared their bed, the pair said. The
nation's growing wealth has helped the trend toward separation by giving
families the means to buy larger homes with separate rooms for children.

The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring
for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical
relationships.

"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children,
"Commons said. "Punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get
warm, caring, independent people."

Reprinted with permission of Dr. Commons.
_http://www.hno.http://www.hhttp://wwwhttp://www.hhttp_
(http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1...enNeedTou.html)
post #57 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post

She was in direct physical contact with someone who was going to become a regular caregiver - not some random person with whom she was "left". They may not have been with her from birth, but they were with her consistently 2-3 times a week until she was 4.


That is completely my point though! It was someone who was GOING to be a constant caregiver. She didn't know the person at all when you left her crying with them. To her it was some random person with whom she was left. Yes after the fact she knew them but in that first initial time she didn't know them and probably felt very abandoned, hence the crying every time for a month. That is just not something I am willing to do to my child.
post #58 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy View Post
I would love to see someone walk away as the ped/pyscho were instructing them to CIO. When they questioned your actions I would say "Oh I was going to let you self soothe, I mean, obviously you were just spoiled by having me pay attention to your noise. You were obviously just talking for attention."
post #59 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexysmommy View Post
Originally Posted by hippymomma69
I have a high-needs dd and a lower-needs ds - and I can tell you, it's the luck of the draw, baby!

With DS I can leave him with just about anyone at 11 months and he cries a bit but settles right down.

With older DD she had bad separation anxiety until she was almost 3. But I was going crazy so I went ahead and got a sitter for 2 afternoons a week. She cried alot at first but then she got used to her and loved her. Then when we moved, I put her into a nutty-crunchy preschool/daycare when she was about 2 (they use slings there!). She went 2 mornings a week and she cried every time for a month - she was a legend - LOL. i had to come and get her every time after a half-hour. But she eventually bonded with one particular teacher and the others caught on how to soother her and then she loved it.

Whenever I left her with DH, she cried. Until *he* learned to soothe her too.

So I would say, give your DH another chance. it may take several times but he will learn how to help your LO and they will eventually bond enough that you can get out some. And don't forget how much the baby cried right at first until you learned to read him...so give your DH the same time to figure out the different cries.

The other thing i learned from my DD is to just always tell the pediatrician "everything's fine" unless I had a specific worry! Any other answer gets them asking questions and giving you their opinion and it can just confuse things. So when they ask "how's he sleeping?" "oh fine", "how's he eating" "oh fine", "are your still breastfeeding" "it's going fine", etc LOL Just act real confident and they will leave you alone

anyway, hth from another mom whose btdt!
peace,
robyn





thanks for the advice, but really IMO, you are practicing CIO, and that is what i am trying to avoid.

Not to go too far off on a tangent, but I don't see this as CIO at all. The child is not being left alone and ignored--someone is providing comfort even if it's not mom. That is WAY different from CIO, imo. Sounds like a very typical daycare transition to me. It does take time and there are tears involved. The important thing is that the upset child is COMFORTED.
post #60 of 151
I know many have already said this, but I just had to chime in that YES, you are correct. He is a baby and needs his mama right now. Our LLL group has done an activity with a string that basically shows how short the period of time is that you will have young children when compared with the rest of your life. It may seem REALLY long right now in the midst of it, but 'this too shall pass'. In the course of your lifetime, this is just a drop in the bucket, for your DC, this is the whole of his existence. Keep up the good work! What a lucky child to have a mama who cares like you do.
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