A complete stranger asked me to babysit

[JSerene]

I was at the playground the other day and a woman in the neighborhood whom I had never met was there with her 17month old granddaughter. She was friendly and started talking to me. After a few minutes she steered the conversation to very specific things about myself, like: how often do you work? What are your hours? Are you home during the day? It turns out she was looking for someone to watch her granddaughter for an entire day next week because she had to go to court to get custody. She said the childs parents were mentally ill and couldn't take care of her.

I was troubled that someone would ask a complete stranger within minutes of meeting them to take their toddler for a day. I also felt bad for her because she had no resources.

Although I was concerned for the welfare of this little girl (I know my house is safe, who knows who else she'll ask???) I turned her down and pointed her to the at-home daycare across the street. If her instincts told her that I was a safe bet, my instincts told me to stay far away from her situation. All I need is for some sort of abuse issue to come up with this kid and have the finger pointed at me. However selfish it may sound, I will not invite that potential into my life.

Before trying the daycare lady, she stopped at another house across the street and talked to the dad of a 12-year-old girl. He said he wouldn't let her babysit because she was too young. The grandma was flabbergasted and stated several times, "that's the perfect age, you know." I explained that a 12year old does not have the skills to act in an emergency - they wouldn't know what to do if a child stopped breathing or was choking. A 12 yr old watching a 5 yr old may be fine, but not a 17 mo old. She didn't say anything.

The daycare lady ended up helping her out. I haven't seen her since.

[Maluhia]

:

I think you made a good call pointing her in the right direction for a safe home daycare and not becoming involved with a family you don't want to worry about. It must be so scary for the grandmother to get custody from parents who are mentally ill and I hope for all of their sake that maybe the parents are getting treatment, etc. to get better. As someone who has a mental illness I'm SO worried it could at some point make me unfit to care for my daughter and I'm a LION when it comes to taking care of my mental health for that reason - it's never worth being lazy about Dr.s or medicines when it could mean missing out on my DD.

I totally thought this was going to be a potty thread - I've often thought of asking someone to hold Maya in a bathroom while I pottied when she was in the touching/climbing/licking phase but not being in my friendly hometown (Hawaii) or somewhere small I just could never take the risk someone would snatch her or hurt her while my pants were at my ankles. Peeing alone is for the single...I don't expect it again for a few years

[GranoLLLy-girl]

It almost sounds like SHE has some mental issues as well. I would have done what you did. I wouldn't have thought twice about saying no. And I totally agree with your reasons. It's a scary prospect but one that you need to consider.

[lilyka]

I think this used to be more common.

I have had so many strangers ask me to babysit. I used to babysit a couple of kids during the day and people would literally show up on my doorstep, kids in hand. no questions, didn't ask for a tour, nothing. all they needed to know is if i was free and what i charged.


crazy! if I had been older or smarter I would have turned them away. I was really putting myself in a dangerous position.

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by JSerene

I was at the playground the other day and a woman in the neighborhood whom I had never met was there with her 17month old granddaughter. She was friendly and started talking to me. After a few minutes she steered the conversation to very specific things about myself, like: how often do you work? What are your hours? Are you home during the day? It turns out she was looking for someone to watch her granddaughter for an entire day next week because she had to go to court to get custody. She said the childs parents were mentally ill and couldn't take care of her.

I was troubled that someone would ask a complete stranger within minutes of meeting them to take their toddler for a day. I also felt bad for her because she had no resources.

Although I was concerned for the welfare of this little girl (I know my house is safe, who knows who else she'll ask???) I turned her down and pointed her to the at-home daycare across the street. If her instincts told her that I was a safe bet, my instincts told me to stay far away from her situation. All I need is for some sort of abuse issue to come up with this kid and have the finger pointed at me. However selfish it may sound, I will not invite that potential into my life.

Before trying the daycare lady, she stopped at another house across the street and talked to the dad of a 12-year-old girl. He said he wouldn't let her babysit because she was too young. The grandma was flabbergasted and stated several times, "that's the perfect age, you know." I explained that a 12year old does not have the skills to act in an emergency - they wouldn't know what to do if a child stopped breathing or was choking. A 12 yr old watching a 5 yr old may be fine, but not a 17 mo old. She didn't say anything.

The daycare lady ended up helping her out. I haven't seen her since.

She seems overwhelmed and under tremendous pressure. I am glad someone helped her. I'd try to encourage her when I saw her next and perhaps get her a card and something for herself to encourage her in her trial. Sometimes when we can't physically help someone for whatever reason, we can meet needs in other ways.

[HollyBearsMom]

I don't think this is weird at all.

I don't know how old this grandmother is but I am in my mid 40's and babysat plenty of "strangers" kids just via word of mouth starting at age 11. It was the norm back then.

Also she sounded in a tough situation with no support system, trying to adopt a child. She meets someone who appears to be a kind and loving parent. She asked questions and that impression was reinforced. I think you were absolutely right to listen to *your* instincts but I don't find it odd that she would ask. I would like to think that if you had agreed she would have arranged time for you all to gee together in advance and not just drop the child off with a with "see ya". But then again maybe not.

We do have to protect ourselves and listen to our "inner voice" but I do think that as a whole we have all become so self centric it is hard to step out and help someone in need.

[lilyka]

I also don't think 12 is too young to babysit. that was the perfect age sitter when the girls were babies. I started babysitting when I was 10 or 11.

[wannabe]

I once flew internationally on my own with a just two year old, the second week of a nanny job - they did not check one single reference, or see any ID from me whatsoever

And as it turns out, THEY were dodgy. So my lesson was DON'T get involved if anything seems odd.

[hipumpkins]

My mom would let jsut about anyone babysit us. My sisiter and I joke now that some teenagers would be walking down the street and mommy would grab them and say, "I'll be right back"

My mom was not neglectful but you know that is kind of how it was done. Not saying you should babysit her kid or anything but it doesn't seem over the top to me for someone to ask.

[mightymoo]

My guess is that she grew up (and raised her kids) in a time or place when this was more acceptable. My dad told me he used to go be sent to the store to buy things when he was my daughter's age. If she just is getting custody now, she probably hasn't gotten a chance to readjust to how things are done now, and why there are concerns.

[incorrigible]

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[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by incorrigible

I feel sorry for her. I hope the in home daycare will prove to be a good resource. I was in a similar situation when dealing with divorcing my x. The person that would usually sit for court was a neighborhood teen that was actually pretty good with the kids but I was really trusting my gut on it. At one point, she was sick and I literally had to beg a neighbor I barely knew to watch them. They were 2 and 5 at the time and I have no idea what went on while they were there. It was not a good situation, but better than an abusive father that had court ordered supervised visitation somehow getting full custody! Xh had flaked on court so many times that the judge had said that the next time either of us didn't show up, the other person would just get what they wanted....not a good time to miss court for the first time! Honestly, one incident of abuse at the sitter would have been better than living with it, you know? I was lucky that nothing happened to them, plain and simple, but I was that desperate too.