I dissolve into something unknown at night

[sanguine_speed]

I am like a demon, who comes out only at night! I spend the evening dreading nighttime, because I know how just AWFUL I'm going to feel each time I have to get up and feed the baby then pump. It's an hour routine. And the feeding itself is an active task; I have to rouse him repeatedly, do compressions, etc. No lying in bed with babe at boob in this town. I feel like a werewolf or something...I turn into this other being who is just miserable and wants to die at night. As you can imagine, this is not fun : . it is compounded by the problem I have sleeping in general. I am always tired when my sleep is interrupted because it takes a long time for me to go back to sleep, and since I know I'll have to get up "soon' anyway, i don't get into a good sleep at all, and I keep waking. This sucks. This is even with DP getting up every single time to bring me the baby, change the baby, to give his bottle supplement (from my previous pump), and even taking the baby with him 2 floors down to sleep. I would definitely not be breastfeeding without that kind of support, and am at my wit's end even with it. A lot of this has to do with his preemie status--the long feeds, the pumping, the rousing, etc.

[_betsy_]

Repeat this mantra - This won't last forever, this won't last forever.

Sorry, that sounds like a really hard routine, and I know just what you mean when you say you're exhausted but can't sleep because baby's just going to be up again soon anyways. BTDT.

Can you turn off, cover up or turn around any clocks, so you don't have to see what time it is and wonder how much sleep you can get before the baby wakes up again?

[lactivist]

I hope this time passes quickly and you can get some actual sleep. Your commitment is so great and I hope you are getting all the support you need. I am sorry it has been rough. Sending lots of love your way.
Wendi

[mclisa]

He's not very old yet so give him a few more weeks and he will start to go longer at night. Are you taking naps during the day too?

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by mclisa

He's not very old yet so give him a few more weeks and he will start to go longer at night. Are you taking naps during the day too?

Can't wait! But, he is a preemie, and not 'typical' in any fashion thus far. Napping during the day is hard. He really likes to be held and almost always fusses if I put him down, even if it's to lay next to me to rest.

[nikihodges]

do you have a wrap or sling? that might help...

[bri276]

dd wasn't a preemie but has a chromosome disorder and gave us a VERY hard time like this at first

can you use an SNS? then maybe you could skip the bottle after the boob. (I know bottles are necessary sometimes, I had a bottlefed little one, retired ep'er.) I'd just hate to see his latch get messed up on top of everything else.

[timneh_mom]

Ohhhh my goodness Mama... I couldn't read this and not give ya a big

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by nikihodges

do you have a wrap or sling? that might help...

We have both. But I haven't figured out yet how they help me get more sleep? My arms get some rest when holding him if that's what you mean.

[PPK]

**Hugs**
I can symathize exactly. I just know it'll pass and I keep that in mind because this is my only child (and only plan on one), so I know this time with him will be gone all too soon. Good luck!

[Warda_Rose]

I feel for you!

[hibana]

aww, hugs mama! You'll get through it!

[sanguine_speed]

Thanks for all the encouragement mamas. It really helps.

[bdavis337]

Just to give you serious kidos here - WOW. I'm a bfar mom, and I just couldn't handle the night feeding scenario, which for me was exactly what you've described - breast, pump, bottle, lather, rinse, repeat.......... We've given up nigh feedings at the breast, and I know it will damage my supply, but my sanity was in serious jeopardy and something had to give. I feed at 10pm and again at 5am, and nothing in between but bottles.

I tip my hat to you, you rock!

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by bdavis337

. We've given up nigh feedings at the breast, and I know it will damage my supply, but my sanity was in serious jeopardy and something had to give. I feed at 10pm and again at 5am, and nothing in between but bottles.

I tip my hat to you, you rock!

It's nice to hear someone say out loud that sometimes sanity must be weighed against exclusive breastfeeding. It's not something I hear around here often but have often thought. I saw a LC the other day and at that point was breastfeeding literally constantly. She asked me how many feeds per day and I broke down crying to say: "I don't know! I can''t tell you when one feed ends and another begins because he never stops!" She handed me a pacifier and told me to give him bottles (limit feeding time to what I can manage...maybe an hour...then supplement with bottle to speed up feed...then pump). Bless her soul. She recognized I was at the end of my rope and realized that if there was not some major intervention, I was going to stop breastfeeding. Advice to the tune of "that's what breastfeeding babies do and you have to get used to it" would have done me in.

[PPK]

Just wanted to give you support in your decision! IMO, a mama who feels better and is more rested and sane is able to connect better w/baby and enjoy him or her even more..there's nothing more important than that!

[GoldBerry]

((((hugs)))) I remember that awful feeling of dreading the night! You are doing great and it will get better!

[lactivist]

I am glad you have the support you need. Breastfeeding is a relationship and both need to be getting their needs met. I think that rest goes so far in mentally being able to handle tough situations. If you aren't sleeping or getting any breaks it could all come crashing down. Good for you for meeting your own needs while meeting your baby's needs as well. Be gentle with yourself, you are doing a fantastic job. I hope everything gets easier right away.
Wendi