Okay.. Need to find other like-minded parents here before I go nuts. 
:
Where I am coming from:
Our kid, dsd is 14; she does not have bedtime, watched tv very little, spends a lot of time on computer, is not allowed to dye her hair, or to have sex in this house, or to smoke, has choppy "emo" haircut, likes "scary" rockband t-shirt, paints her nails, reads from time to time, is good at math, has very strong opinion on music of all kinds (can hear her singing in her room right now hehe), is a great photographer, can be cranky and hurtful at times, is very artistic, can surprise you with her deapth of thought and understanding of things.
We love her to death. My parenting has evolved over the past 7-8 years, and it happend thanks to DSD, she has taught me patience, and love, and letting go, and when boundaries are needed for kids, and when they are unnecessary.
Here is where the frustration comes in...
In too many threads, when the talk is started on a contraversial topic, somehow, people make statements like "I respect my child", "I want my child to be free-thinker", "I want my child to feel free to come talk to me about their problems".
Uh hu... Why do you assume that we don't have open discussions? Why do you think we do not talk about protection and sex? Why do you assume I would disown her if she got pregnant? Why do you think I don't encourage her to think for herself? Why do you think I do not respect her? Or don't listen to her? Where does my lifestyle suggest that she is any less happy than a kid of a perfect parent that allows those things that we don't?
:Where I am coming from:
Our kid, dsd is 14; she does not have bedtime, watched tv very little, spends a lot of time on computer, is not allowed to dye her hair, or to have sex in this house, or to smoke, has choppy "emo" haircut, likes "scary" rockband t-shirt, paints her nails, reads from time to time, is good at math, has very strong opinion on music of all kinds (can hear her singing in her room right now hehe), is a great photographer, can be cranky and hurtful at times, is very artistic, can surprise you with her deapth of thought and understanding of things.
We love her to death. My parenting has evolved over the past 7-8 years, and it happend thanks to DSD, she has taught me patience, and love, and letting go, and when boundaries are needed for kids, and when they are unnecessary.
Here is where the frustration comes in...
In too many threads, when the talk is started on a contraversial topic, somehow, people make statements like "I respect my child", "I want my child to be free-thinker", "I want my child to feel free to come talk to me about their problems".
Uh hu... Why do you assume that we don't have open discussions? Why do you think we do not talk about protection and sex? Why do you assume I would disown her if she got pregnant? Why do you think I don't encourage her to think for herself? Why do you think I do not respect her? Or don't listen to her? Where does my lifestyle suggest that she is any less happy than a kid of a perfect parent that allows those things that we don't?
). Anyway, I think it sounds like your DSD is an amazing young woman--she's the type of kid I love to see in my classroom each September (I teach 9th and 10th grade). Personally, I don't think that GD, AP, unconditional parenting and the like is synonymous with "no boundaries." DH and I have a very clear idea what our values are. Yes, we want DD to be a freethinker--and if she comes to different ideas than the ones we hold, I think that'll be great--but some things are more about values than ideas, and I think that parents, whether consciously or not, are always transmitting these to their kids.
