Okay, I dunno if this is the way I'm doing it, or just her age or what, but I feel like either I've failed at AP or that AP has failed me. Not sure which.
When Anna, my 3.5 yr old, was born, I was vaguely aware of AP, but I wasn't really in the culture. I was working half days as a teacher, and I went back to work when she was about six weeks old, so she was in a (wonderful, home) day care. (With only one other child.) I got pregnant again when she was seven months, and I started leaving her at day care longer so I could go home and nap. I tried to breastfeed, but she had pretty significant oral motor problems after a short NICU stay (that unfortunately had involved bottles), so I ep'd for her. I didn't even know there was a term for what I was doing, just that I pumped all her milk for her. I only did it for six months, but still. But bc of the way I pumped, it worked best for me to have a couple really long pumping sessions instead of many shorter ones. I have a huge storage capacity, and after 15 minutes I would just be getting started. So I moved gradually to two hour and a half or two hour pumping sessions a day. But these took time, so Dad took over bedtime while I pumped. I quit (gradually) when she became more active and I couldn't really get in a morning session and then I got pregnant. We coslept till about 10 months, and then she got more active and nobody was sleeping terribly well, so she moved into a crib and eventually into a different room, because we didn't want to be dealing with two babies waking up in the middle of the night. I parented her in a somewhat gentle way, but nothing I really wasn't educated. Even after Catherine was born and I learned more about AP, I was so consumed with APing the baby that I never converted to as attachment and gentle oriented style as I probably should have. But Anna is extremely healthy, generally pretty well behaved, has always gone to bed very easily, and is very friendly, social, extroverted, happy. (Some definite sensory issues, but she's had those from the beginning.)
Catherine, on the other hand, has been pretty AP'd since birth. Breastfed, coslept, whole deal. She is constantly sick with something or other, and .... I hesitate to say this, and I say it in the kindest, most loving way possible, but.... she's kind of a brat. Maybe it's just being two. But she bites, pulls hair, to be funny. She is extremely jealous of her sister getting any attention and screams for milk, won't share my lap. She's much more introverted than her sister (which is totally okay), but she doesn't really like other children very much. Going to bed is a HUGE struggle, and frequently I can't get her to go to sleep until well after my husband has gone to bed. One am is not unusual. I get no time to myself, because if I get up after nursing her to sleep, she wakes up and screams. Separations are very hard for her. She constantly asks, "You're not going to leave me? I come with you?" I mean, it's not like I leave her very often. I do occassionally go to the grocery store while she stays at home with Dad. But she seems so insecure and afraid of being abandoned. I try to be responsive to her needs, while balancing giving her sister SOME attention. But why does she seem so insecure? And why is she sick so often? Grrr.....What have I done wrong?
When Anna, my 3.5 yr old, was born, I was vaguely aware of AP, but I wasn't really in the culture. I was working half days as a teacher, and I went back to work when she was about six weeks old, so she was in a (wonderful, home) day care. (With only one other child.) I got pregnant again when she was seven months, and I started leaving her at day care longer so I could go home and nap. I tried to breastfeed, but she had pretty significant oral motor problems after a short NICU stay (that unfortunately had involved bottles), so I ep'd for her. I didn't even know there was a term for what I was doing, just that I pumped all her milk for her. I only did it for six months, but still. But bc of the way I pumped, it worked best for me to have a couple really long pumping sessions instead of many shorter ones. I have a huge storage capacity, and after 15 minutes I would just be getting started. So I moved gradually to two hour and a half or two hour pumping sessions a day. But these took time, so Dad took over bedtime while I pumped. I quit (gradually) when she became more active and I couldn't really get in a morning session and then I got pregnant. We coslept till about 10 months, and then she got more active and nobody was sleeping terribly well, so she moved into a crib and eventually into a different room, because we didn't want to be dealing with two babies waking up in the middle of the night. I parented her in a somewhat gentle way, but nothing I really wasn't educated. Even after Catherine was born and I learned more about AP, I was so consumed with APing the baby that I never converted to as attachment and gentle oriented style as I probably should have. But Anna is extremely healthy, generally pretty well behaved, has always gone to bed very easily, and is very friendly, social, extroverted, happy. (Some definite sensory issues, but she's had those from the beginning.)
Catherine, on the other hand, has been pretty AP'd since birth. Breastfed, coslept, whole deal. She is constantly sick with something or other, and .... I hesitate to say this, and I say it in the kindest, most loving way possible, but.... she's kind of a brat. Maybe it's just being two. But she bites, pulls hair, to be funny. She is extremely jealous of her sister getting any attention and screams for milk, won't share my lap. She's much more introverted than her sister (which is totally okay), but she doesn't really like other children very much. Going to bed is a HUGE struggle, and frequently I can't get her to go to sleep until well after my husband has gone to bed. One am is not unusual. I get no time to myself, because if I get up after nursing her to sleep, she wakes up and screams. Separations are very hard for her. She constantly asks, "You're not going to leave me? I come with you?" I mean, it's not like I leave her very often. I do occassionally go to the grocery store while she stays at home with Dad. But she seems so insecure and afraid of being abandoned. I try to be responsive to her needs, while balancing giving her sister SOME attention. But why does she seem so insecure? And why is she sick so often? Grrr.....What have I done wrong?
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: ) assumed it was something *I* did or didn't do. I swore up and down I was just trying to respond to her, and not actively trying to create a monster! But of course the reason why she wouldn't sleep was because she was in the bed, was nursed on cue, ect. That's what everyone said anyway. Then my dh's cousin had her 5th and 6th children. She has been very AP with all her children from the get go. Has co-slept, bf'd on cue, ect. The first 4, at a year wean easily from the family bed, the breast ect. The 5th? No way. She nursed until mama got pregnant again and had to wean (she has a few miscarriage scares). And she is still in the family bed, along with her newborn sister. Both the 5th and 6th children have been HIGH NEEDS, not sleeping well, nusing very often, and now the 2 year old is going through things that none of her other kids went through. Now my cousin is THE most patient, laid back person in the world. I look up to her so much, she is who I want to be like.
: She has called me (we live in different states) 4-5 times in a month asking what is going on with her newborn. She said when she first saw me with dd at that age (2-3 months) she couldn't believe that nursing her would not calm her down for long. Or that NO ONE could hold her without her freaking out. Now her littlest one is like that too and she doesn't know what to make of it. She's called ME for advice, which I find so odd, since I look up to her for so much!
) Maybe it's the age? They're still tired but not as much during the day and then it messes up their nights?
