kids attending a birth

[transformed]

I am sure this has come up in here, but when I search for things, I never come up with anything! I dont know why I cant figure out search....anyways

I am wondering whether to include my 4 yr old ds in the birth of our new little in December. It will be at a birth center and all natural.

What has your experience been with this? How do you get them ready?

I definatly think 19m old would be too scared.

Jenny

[angelpie545]

I had my then 2 1/2 year old daughter present at her sister's birth. It turned out to be an excellent experience for the both of us. However, I did do quite a lot of preparation and had a support person (my mother) there just for her. That way if anything got to be a little too much for her or she felt uncomfortable, she'd have my mom there for comfort. Also, we had a separate room (the waiting room in the birthing center) that had toys and a TV/VCR in case she needed to take a break. I included her some of my prenatal appointments, let her listen to the baby's heart rate, and we read quite a lot of books about birth and what would be happening when mommy gave birth. We talked about how mommy would make a lot of funny noises and might yell a little, but that it was normal and she shouldn't be scared. We also talked about how the baby would come out of mommy's vagina, ext. I think it helped quite a bit that I was not in a hospital, because I didn't have to explain about an IV, monitor, the bed, ext.

In the end, I think my kids had a lot less sibling rivalry because my older daughter was so included in the pregnancy/birth process. I made sure it was a family event, and not just a "mommy and new baby" event. I really think that helped a lot. My older dd was always very accepting and loving of her new sister, and today they are very close.

[mommato5]

I had all my kids at the last birth!! i would do it all over again!!

[transformed]

Originally Posted by angelpie545

We talked about how mommy would make a lot of funny noises and might yell a little, .

I screamed like a banshee when Ana was being born!!! I think it was just for the birth part though.



Jenny

[HarperRose]

When I had dd at home, ds was 18 mos old. He slept through it. We woke him up after she was born.

I intend to have them present at this baby's birth, too. If they're sleeping, that's fine, we'll wake them up afterwards.

[mammal_mama]

We like doing births as a family. Our oldest was almost 5 when her baby sister was born, and she spent most of her time watching "Spirit" while periodically walking over to the birthing pool to check on me and my progress. We told her when Baby was about to be born, and she did stop watching her movie to be a part of that.

It's a good idea to have someone lined up to specifically focus on the older child/ren -- but in our case, Baby came so fast our midwife didn't even have time to get here, and we didn't even call dd's special adult friend.

If we have another, we'll definitely want both our girls to be here as long as they want to be. We won't push them to be any more involved than they're comfortable with, though.

[AbbieB]

Baby number 2 is due next month and there is no doubt in my mind that DD (will be 4 in October) will be OK at the birth.

We are planning a home birth. DD has been involved in everything baby and birth since she saw me taking pregnancy tests (she walked in on me...I was not advertising ). I have been doing a lot of self prenatal care and DD has been involved in it. We have watched many births on the internet (Thanks Mommas that have shared all the awesome links over the past 8 months!) We have looked at books. We have a photo album that has quite a few pictures documenting her labor and birth. And of course we have talked about it quite a bit. She is prepared.

I can't imagine not including her in such an important family event. Birth is such a basic fact of life. Birth is were family starts.

***

I am worried about my friend's kids being at the birth. She will be traveling from another state to be with us all next month. She will be DD's primary support person. She has 2 kids that are 4 and 1 1/2. She told me last week that she just started talking to her 4 year old about birth last week : . She's been planning to be here for the birth for 6 months at least. I'm not sure why she delayed. She's not even going to share the proper, or any for that matter, words for the female anatomy for her son because it is upsetting to her extended family that a boy would know anything about a girls body. Her DS is under the impression that the baby will be coming out of my butt. She will not be correcting him : . I wonder if my DD will be correcting him .

I am so shocked by this information. Both of her kids were born at home. I thought there had been some kind of preparation for her son. But I guess not. Her youngest just happen to come so fast and early in the morning that DS was not awake. It never became an issue.

When it comes down to it they are her kids so it's not my issue to worry about but...I just don't get it. IMHO this is the WRONG way to go about letting a kid experience birth. Your setting up a child for some real fear. Birth is noisy, messy and intense. It's not something to be experienced by an unprepared 4 year old that is to sensitive to watch movies like Monsters INC. (more new info from our conversation last week.)

[transformed]

When I shared some birth videos with my ds a few months ago, he thought it was coming out of her butt too.

I could take the time for a full anatomy lesson, but I dont think its nessicary for a child to be comfortable with attending a birth-what difference does it make to a 4 yr old which hole its coming out of?

[chaoticzenmom]

My 3 1/2yo was present during my birth center water birth. She was awesome. I explained that I would scream and that it was ok. So, when I actually was screaming, occationally, I would look up and smile at her and say "I'm ok, the baby's coming out soon" and she would just say "ok" When the baby came out, she was looking over the tub and just soaking everything in. Then, when I handed the baby over to my husband and he showed my daughter, she said "thank you mommy, thanks for my baby brother" Everyone just teared up at that moment, it was priceless.

Now for the trauma part....she says that she's never having a baby.
My 5 year old at the time son would have been there, but he was asleep on a couch in the waiting room of the birthing center. I can't believe my screams didn't wake him up.
Lisa

[transformed]

Now that I talked to dh, the screaming was only for the pushing (Which was actually like ONE push) the rest of labor was quiet if I remember correctly. I had a photographer there so that may have helped me mellow out actually. We were in the paper. (Front page of me with my mouth open immedietly as baby was born)

I am so excited I hope I can find a caregiver for the kids because I would love them to attend!!!

[AbbieB]

Originally Posted by transformed

When I shared some birth videos with my ds a few months ago, he thought it was coming out of her butt too.

I could take the time for a full anatomy lesson, but I don't think its necessary for a child to be comfortable with attending a birth-what difference does it make to a 4 yr old which hole its coming out of?

You mentioned in the OP about little ones being scared.

It seems to me that the idea of pooping out a baby is a little bit scarier than the idea of babies having a special place they grow in and come out of.

Just my opinion based on my child's fears. She does not like the idea of babies just growing and coming out whenever (like pooping) but was OK with the idea that there is a special place in a Mommy for this to happen. A place designed for the event.

I'm not trying to be snarky here, it's hard to say what you want to say and not come across that way sometimes .

Just to clarify in my PP, I am just surprised that my friend is OK with her kids being at my birth when she doesn't really want them to have facts about it. I mean, doesn't she think witnessing something like that is gonna generate questions? But, they are her kids, so it's not really my business.

[transformed]

Originally Posted by AbbieB

You mentioned in the OP about little ones being scared.

It seems to me that the idea of pooping out a baby is a little bit scarier than the idea of babies having a special place they grow in and come out of.
.

That makes sense...I wasnt sure what a 4 yr olds understanding of "where poop comes from" was either, so that would make sense to explore!

[JBaxter]

My boys were 12 & 9 and it was their choice and did WONDERFUL. I had mymom there incase she need to take either of them out. Im not sure what I would do with a younger child who didnt have an understanding that giving birth hurts but it will be over soon.

[kkeris]

What do you guys think of a child being present at a C-section birth? I might possibly be having one next year in March and am contemplating having my DD around. My DD would be 3.5 by then. But I know that Dd is easily freaked out by blood and 'unpretty' stuff and I am worried if she will be able to take it well. I have not asked her yet, tho I am quite sure that she would insist that she wants to be there and will be fine with it all. So far she has been really involved in our pregnancy- she even did one pregnancy test together with me, and I've brought her along to all my gynea visits. I just want her to be be there because this is such a big thing for us, and she has always been involved in everything important that goes on in the family. What do you all think?

(Please dont question or ask for an explanation why I might be having a C section, thats another discussion for another thread, if at all. Thank you. )

[pixiesmommy]

Chiming in to ask for birth video links : please. My dd, 7, has seen a few births (she's watched A Baby Story with me a few times- but it's often medicalized) and we found one good one on YouTube.

Thanks! Great thread!
Manda

[transformed]

Be careful what you watch on YOU TUBE. There is alot of porn that *looks* like birth videos.:

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by kkeris

What do you guys think of a child being present at a C-section birth? I might possibly be having one next year in March and am contemplating having my DD around. My DD would be 3.5 by then. But I know that Dd is easily freaked out by blood and 'unpretty' stuff and I am worried if she will be able to take it well.

Why not see if she wants to watch a c-section on tv, to prepare her for what she's likely to see if she watches yours? Then just leave it up to her.

Also, is it possible that she could stay up by your head to talk to you, rather than on the other side of the partition?

[annroo]

Originally Posted by transformed

When I shared some birth videos with my ds a few months ago, he thought it was coming out of her butt too.

I could take the time for a full anatomy lesson, but I dont think its nessicary for a child to be comfortable with attending a birth-what difference does it make to a 4 yr old which hole its coming out of?

If it indeed makes no difference, why not just tell the truth? I may be unusual, but it seems to me that it is the most beautiful way to explain one of the major differences between men and women. Women have a vagina, which is the birth canal, so that they have a way for the fully grown baby to come out.

But, I've always talked to DS about the fact that mom has a vulva and dad and DS have penises, everybody has a urethra for pee and everyone poops out of their butt (I guess I never used the word anus...) AND moms and girls have vaginas, too. I just figured we use the right words for ear, toes, etc. and the best way to be able to talk about it is to use the proper words. I mean vagina isn't a bad word, is it?

I am also planning a home birth (due next week!) and DS (3) has been part of the whole process, reading birth books, watching birth videos and going to midwife visits. He seems really excited about it, but we've also told him it might feel like a lot and he's got a dedicated caregiver to help him have space away from the birth if he needs it. From DS's talking about it, it sounds like he would really really like to be there when the baby comes out, so even if he is sleeping I am thinking to ask someone to wake him up and give him the option.

Glad to hear everybody's stories/ plans/ ideas! Thanks for starting this thread!

Ann- wife to DH (5yrs), mama to DS 8/3/04 and due next week!!

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by kkeris

What do you guys think of a child being present at a C-section birth? I might possibly be having one next year in March and am contemplating having my DD around. My DD would be 3.5 by then. But I know that Dd is easily freaked out by blood and 'unpretty' stuff and I am worried if she will be able to take it well. I have not asked her yet, tho I am quite sure that she would insist that she wants to be there and will be fine with it all. So far she has been really involved in our pregnancy- she even did one pregnancy test together with me, and I've brought her along to all my gynea visits. I just want her to be be there because this is such a big thing for us, and she has always been involved in everything important that goes on in the family. What do you all think?

(Please dont question or ask for an explanation why I might be having a C section, thats another discussion for another thread, if at all. Thank you. )

I dont think they will allow a child in the operating room. Any of my friends who have had csections were only allowed 1 support person with them during the surgery

[hippiemum21580]

My oldest was barely 4 when he saw his brother being born and he was totally cool about it. With my last pregnancy I intended to homebirth and we discussed all teh details including that mommy would be yelling and loud (I usually am very vocal with my labors) It became so matter of fact to them they were very prepared. Though I did get a nieghbor to be available for my two year old as he is very sensitive and I worried he woudl be upset. And he was so I am glad I had that planned out. IMO, birth should really be a family event if that is what you are comfortable with, after all, its the arrival of a new member. Only you really know if your child can handle it.