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Scared of my lack of choices.

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
This has been keeping me awake at night. I live in NC where home birthing is a no-no. The only county I know of that you can have a home birth with a mw is an hour away.

After reading so much on how women are treated at hospitals and how they have such over zealous doctors, I'm really not wanting to give birth at a hospital. I am really scared to. My first two were born at the hospital. My first I was given no choice. They told me what to do and did what they wanted to do. I was young, I had no idea what my rights were, and they seen me as someone that had no pre-natal care. I had just moved back into town a few weeks before and had not got to see the health dept yet. My first appointment was the day after I gave birth. So they didn't have my records and kept treating me like I had not had any prenatal care. Lucky for me labor was quick and went well.

My second didn't go as smooth. I think it was partly because my mom was in the room and she made it harder for me to be strong. (who needs to be strong when mommy is there?) Ds's labor was a little longer and I knew more about what I wanted to do and what I didn't want. I had a great mid wife too. She understood what I wanted and helped me do it. But it did not go to plan.

And after the births how they came in and poke and prod you and the baby. It is really annoying. How they come in and ask how long did they nurse.. which side how long ago. I don't know... I'm just trying to enjoy my baby here I'm not wanting to keep time.

My hospital births were not as bad as some of the stories I hear but how long can my luck hold out? I don't like how they have "hospital policies" that keep you from making some choices in your care and your baby's care.

I would like to have a home birth this time around. I could always go UC but dh isn't so sure about that, and really doesn't want to. I'm also not sure if I could pull it off. And the whole...What if something goes wrong and they send cps after my family because I didn't have my birth at the hospital like a sane person?

North Carolina sucks!!! I wish I felt safe here to have my baby the way I see fit. :
post #2 of 11
Jen, there is a thriving lay midwife community in NC, especially in Western NC. They are pretty off the radar (they have to be), but an old college classmate of mine used one for all three of her NC births (in Chapel Hill). If I were you, I'd ask around, maybe post on some local birth forums (yahoo, wherever) and you may be able to find someone who will give you a name.

Unfortunately I haven't seen my college friend for years and years; I don't even know where she is now, or I'd ask her for her midwife's name for you as a place to start.
post #3 of 11
I would start by hiring a doula. The doulas in the area probably know the "underground" midwives, and finding a doula that you are compatible with is an excellent way to have a great home *or* hospital birth.
post #4 of 11
I don't know specifically about the community near you, but I know I'm dealing with similar worries because I'm dealing with my own health issues that make me high risk and thus having a hospital birth.

It's still early, but our (very vague) plans, (based on the advice of a friend in a similar situation who just had a very successful low intervention hospital birth) so far are to take the birth class offered by the hospital in addition to whatever else we decide to do. This will give us some idea about what the hospital policies are, and how to bend them and squeak around them. We'll also hire a doula who is familiar with the hospital we're using, someone who has established relationships with the care providers there, and who can again, help us get around the things that just don't work for us. The other thing I've been advised to do is to develop a good relationship with your care provider, who will be familiar with your feelings on intervention, and will sign off on a birth plan that includes the things you're okay with and not okay with.

I wish you the best of luck getting the birth experience you want. I know it worries me the lack of choice I can anticipate having in my own birth experience.
post #5 of 11
^ Yeah, that. Either way you end up with, at least you have a good doula by your side and she can help you relax about the whole thing anyway.

Do you really want a homebirth? Maybe you can keep tabs on the hotels around where homebirth is okay, I cant foresee any crazy holiday rush in April anyway, but rent a hotel and then meet the midwife there? Might be a little messy but maybe you can find a nice hotel with a GIANT TUB! Instead of touring hospitals, you can tour hotel rooms.

No, seriously, some women do it.
post #6 of 11
Good luck sweetie on whatever ends up happening..
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 
I contacted some doulas round the area. They won't do home births and I don't know if we could really afford one any way.

I thought about doing the hotel thing but I birth pretty fast so I don't know if driving an hour away up the mountains will be wise or not. Plus more money for a room and such.

I forgot to mention how money is also going to be playing a role in this. Even with our insurance a hospital birth will still cost us 1000... some insurance huh. But we can put that on a payment plan or say screw you if we can't really pay it. can't do that with a midwife who our insurance won't cover in the first place.
post #8 of 11
I totally feel your pain..
post #9 of 11
*ahem* Where are you in NC? We have several CNMs who ARE legal, with legal doctor back up and do home births.

Home birthing is not illegal. CPMs are illegal. CNMs are perfectly able to do home births as long as they have doctor back up, the problem is finding that. THAT is why we can't find anybody. That said, I'm hiring a CPM and I don't give a shit what the government thinks. It's my body, my baby, my birth choice. I would rather hire a midwife who isn't protected than take what I consider to be a sizable risk and birth somewhere I'm not comfortable.

PM me if you want help finding a legal home birth midwife.
post #10 of 11
Good luck finding a mw, MAT!!!

I think that you have time and you will find your solution. I took some wise woman herbal classes up in Black mountain at the Earth Haven Ecovillage and we talked alot about the difficulty of homebirth in NC... so I know where you are coming from.
As far as transferring to a hospital... don't most make it seem as if the baby were coming too fast to get to the hospital in time???
post #11 of 11
www.nchomebirth.com you can post here and a midwife in your area should answer.Both dem's and cpm's subscribe to this list.Many people are trying to get things changed regarding the legality of hb in nc,but with the legislature things move slowwwwwwwwwwwwwly...............
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