I want to point something out

[Tinker]

In a couple of threads I've read the past couple of days, the same thing has come up.
Posters have been asking for advice on how to respond when people persist in questioning why a baby wasn't circ'ed. It was mentioned a few times that it was simply none of that persons business.
I've wanted to comment on that response, but haven't known exactly how to put into words what I mean. So I'll do it here, and hope I can convey my meaning.

While I agree that the state of a childs genitals is no one's business, doesn't that work both ways?
If told by a parent of a circ'ed child that it was none of our business, wouldn't we feel the violation of that child was very much our business?

And that's where I'm lost, because I don't mean to imply that we should stop questioning and making it our business. Beyond pointing out the irony in that response, I'm not sure what the answer is. Does this make sense at all?

[wfuteach]

I hear where you are coming from...you would rather use this as an opportunity to educate, rather than to belittle, because you have tried to educate people about not circing in the past, and would be upset if those were the responses you got, right? If we want people to be receptive to us bringing up penis talk, it might be helpful if we were receptive about the comments we may receive about our intact son, and used it as the opportunity to educate...right?

I think you make a valid point, and a good one to keep in mind. Thanks for mentioning it!

ETA: Quirky commented on this same thing in another thread, and said it really well...

[TryingMyBest]

I think you are right as was Quirky. It's tough because it is such a RAW topic for most...but if we expect people to completely butt out of business and get immediately defensive...how can we expect to have any right to ask a pregnant mother WHY she would consider circing? In the end, individuals trying to sway a mother from circing will end up in a MUCH more in depth and "personal" conversation...beyond intact or circumcised..into deeper social/belief foundational topics.

It's kind of like Christians say about how Jesus responded to people that questioned him. He ALWAYS used that opportunity. You guys are on the right track. Another poster said that a "verbal 2X4" (HA!!!) was sometimes needed with people we are comfortable with and know...and I suppose with people that have been close minded and not open to discussion maybe this tactic works more...especially if executed in a joking manner...however, just as easily we could be serious as a heart attack everytime they mentioned it and start the education. Soon enough if they don't want to hear it..they will NOT bring the topic up or they will "get it".

Good post!

[Quirky]

I can see how you got your DDDDC -- and ITA!

I think we need to try to get over our Puritan/Victorian heritage of being terminally embarrassed to talk about sex, penises, etc. and so forth and acknowledge more forthrightly that circumcision damages sexual response and ability. Hiding it under the rug just allows the circumcisers to continue their dirty work because no one wants to think about babies and sex in the same moment. But the fact is, we're not talking about babies having sex, we're talking about the adults that these babies will grow up to be, and sex is part of the normal adult's life.

So shutting down conversations about baby penises only contributes to the denial that circumcision has any negative effects on future sex lives.

[serendipity22]

Even if people are superficially being obnoxious or hostile when they are asking why someone wasn't circed, it could be the underlying reason is that they are genuinely curious.

One approach is to give them your full attention and the right answer will come (for them).

[Tinker]

Originally Posted by Quirky

I can see how you got your DDDDC -- and ITA!

Nice huh? That's what I get for insisting it's not a weinie. hehehehe

[Tinker]

I'm glad you guys were able to grasp what I was getting at, even though I was having a hard time explaining it.
And yes that is exactly the response I have gotten from a few people when the discussion came up. It wasn't my son, so it wasn't my business. I was insulted when I heard it, and hurt and angry.

[nd_deadhead]

I agree, Tinker.

I think the best response, if someone asks WHY a baby isn't circumcised, is to ask (as politely as possible) "Why do you think it should be done?"

That gives the opportunity to educate. Of course it only works if you can keep a cool head, and stick to the facts! I would use phrases like "That's a very common misperception", or "recent research shows that that isn't the case at all", or something along those lines, to try not to alienate the other person.