I feel like i messed up and am lost

[sjangi]

After a lovelyHbac, i am having huge breastfeeding issues. I nursed ds 1 with nipple shield for 14 months. But ds 2 has proven to be more difficult or atleast i am feeling that way.

He did not latch on at all after birth for 3 days so i pumpled and gave him colostrom on my finger or a syringe. Then around 3 days he was looking like he was getting dehydrated and hoarse so the midwife suggest supplementing a little with a tube. I did that and it seemed like he developed a preference for that immediately. From there on i cascaded donwn the list of interventions. Popped up the nipple shield again and after complete exhaustion with finger feeding gave a slow flow bottle. The problem is he gets on the breast and falls asleep where i have to sit an hour before he nurses. Nothing seems to wake him up. I took him to the PED yesterday and he said that he was hungry....to give him more milk. He won't latch on well on the bottle either....

I feel hopelless about the situation, and am beginning to resent waking him up for feeds. It sounds awful i feel like as a mother i am unable to provide him with the most basic need of nourishment.

I am sorry i just needed to vent.

[mommaJ]

couldn't read and not post. i don't have any great suggestions for you, but i'm sure some other mamas will.

hang in there!!!

[CathMac]

sjangi,
I am so sorry you're having a hard time. I don't have any useful advice for you but I at least wanted to offer some moral support.

I hope someone with exprience in this area can give you some suggestions.
~Cath

[forestrymom]

As I'm sure you know, its not uncommon for babies to fall asleep at the breast, and neither is it uncommon for them to be sleepy and need to be waken. Do you have a sling? I remember getting so irritated with dd when she was sleeping and needed to nurse. Or when she would wake up hungry and then fall asleep almost immediately. http://www.llli.org/NB/NBearlyweeks.htmlThis LLL link has some good information on nursing a newborn.

Are you getting lots of time naked chest to naked baby?
How much are you supplementing?
Have you contacted yoru local LLL?
Have you seen the Dr. Jack Newman latch videos to check your latch?
Is he gaining weight at all?

You are doing a great job!

[fiddledebi]

Poor mama! And poor babe!

I think you might both benefit from seeing a lactation consultant. There may be some reason why he doesn't latch on well, something beyond your control, and it's important that he learn to do so. The pediatrician is right that he needs to eat. In the meantime, I know it's hard to fingerfeed, but you and your partner should do that until he learns to latch. Otherwise, he'll get weaker and weaker and more and more dehydrated. Have you tried using an oral syringe to squirt it into his mouth before you put him to the breast? Also, try getting him and you naked on top before you nurse. If he's really sleepy, a cool damp cloth on his pressure points might help wake him enough to latch. Then if he falls asleep at the breast but is still fluttering his tongue, you can do some breast compression to express milk into his mouth and gently stroke the underside of his chin/neck to encourage him to swallow.

I think the most important thing is that you find a lactation consultant. Good luck!!!

[MaryJaneLouise]

I agree with the lactations consultatant. Where do you live? He might also need some 'suck therapy' from an occupational or speech therapist.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Definatly a LC he might be tongue tied since he dosnt latch well on a bottle either. Definatly something to look into asap

[sjangi]

Hi Ladies.

Thanks for all your support Saw an LC. No Short frenulum issue. Just a short tongue. She suggested i train him on a bottle to learn to suck and get his nutrition. However, since doing that since yesterday what little he was doing at the breast has diminished....she says that she initially wants to focus on getting him up to his birth weight and then try working more seriously with the latch issue. I just feel that with every passing day the chances of him latching on are getting smaller and smaller.

I am frustrated, and the thought of not possibly being able to provide my baby with nutrition is making me literally sick to my stomach.

[fiddledebi]

Originally Posted by sjangi

I am frustrated, and the thought of not possibly being able to provide my baby with nutrition is making me literally sick to my stomach.

Oh, but you CAN provide him with nutrition! Even if he never latches at the breast (and I think it's too early to assume that), you can pump and provide him with your milk that way. It's coming from you! And you're the one holding him and feeding him! I think beating yourself up about this is going to make it worse for you. Please try to be as gentle with yourself as you are with your little one.

You are aggressively going after what you need to keep him healthy. Just for that, you're a wonderful mama!

to you! Hang in there! Keep us posted!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

PP is right even if you have to pump and give a bottle it will come from you and you can always work with him on getting him to latch onto the breast. Did the LC mention a sns or lactaid? I would think getting him on the breast would be easier than trying to retrain from a bottle but i dont know much about this kind of thing.

to you.

[MamaBear1976]

I know you fed him with your finger before, but I have read that that can really help babies learn how to suck, so you might want to do that instead of a bottle. It takes more of an effort for a baby to finger-feed than it does to bottle-feed, so maybe the best hope for you and your baby is to try finger-feeding again.

Do you have a good pump you can use to stimulate your milk supply? At the very least you should have a good hand pump, like the Medela Harmony or Avent ISIS. But I actually recommend you also have a hospital-grade rental since you're trying to establish a supply. Try to pump every two hours at the very least, to establish a good milk supply and stash.

For finger-feeding, you can use a Lact-Aid or an SNS or just plain medical-grade small gauge silicone tubing stuck in a jar of breastmilk. Once your baby learns how to suck using the tubing on your finger (no need for tape), he may be able to learn how to suck from your breasts with the tubing. You may want to hold your baby close while finger-feeding, and against your breast, so that he thinks he's breastfeeding while he's learning to suck. I think it's worth a shot, though I know how exhausted you must be right now.

Best of luck to you, mama.

[MamaBear1976]

Also, mama, huge CONGRATULATIONS to you on your new baby, your empowering HBAC, and on everything you're doing to getting the breastfeeding established. You are doing splendidly, whatever the outcome, so don't think for a second that you've "messed up."

[wasUtopiaMom]

You're a GREAT GREAT mama! BIG HUGS!!!
Many babies do overcome sucking problems!!!

[noah's mom]

I feel for you mama! My DS also had a hard time latching - he didn't successfully breastfeed at all for the 1st 3 days either. We were in a hospital and worked with the staff LC as well as all the nurses there until he got the hang of it - and tried every possible position, finger feeding, sns, cup-feeding...you name it. it was so frustrating! What finally "clicked" for DS though was the finger feeding. Apparently there is something about finger feeding that helps with the correct latch positioning. So I would recommend continuing with the finger feeding as much as you can handle, esp. if you're still having issues once your DS regains his birthweight.

You also might want to look into cranial-sacral treatments. My mw's this time around (with my current pg) mentioned after hearing DS's birth story that his latching issues may have also been related to misalignment while passing through the birth canal (which was shown by him demonstrating a strong preference for the left boob, once he figured out how to latch on - he was probably much less comfortable on the other side). So it can't hurt to bring him in for an adjustment and see if that helps at all.

[milkmamma]

Hang in there. I know that it is more frustrating because this isn't your first baby so you probably thought that breast feeding would be a walk in the park this time. I also had problems breast feeding my second, he's now 14 weeks and a BF champ.

I couldn't get him to nurse at first because of facial bruising from labor, then he developed jaundice and was so tired he didn't want to nurse. The doctors recommended supplementing with formula because he wasn't gaining weight. I felt sick at the thought of formula so I pumped and supplemented with my own breast milk instead.

I also had a terrible time because he couldn't seem to latch on my right breast. When he tried he would get so mad and it hurt me so much I thought I would throw up. I actually had to brace myself for the pain and it was awful. The midwife recommended possibly giving up on that breast and just feeding him on the other one because we just couldn't get the latch and the nipple was so injured. BUT we kept trying and now he's doing great on either side.

SO, although I don't have any specific advice for you I want you to know that other women have had trouble the second time around. You are doing great, you're seeking help and support. Just keep your chin up and remember, it can only get easier from here.

[MilkTrance]

Hi, how are things going?

I don't have advice but I do understand how emotionally ... draining, rewarding, terrifying, guilt-producing, everything... BF can be. Hugs to you, I imagine it's very difficult for you.