Would you let your kids be around this person? - Page 4

[ErikaLeigh]

I do not think that I would be comfortable at all with leaving my kids anywhere near this man!

[onlyzombiecat]

Originally Posted by notyetamommy

Yeah, the thought did cross my mind that maybe the girls just couldn't remember what really happened and didnt want to believe it, but many things made me think the dad just made it up.

1- He tried to do the same thing to his second wife 15 years later
2- If my daughters had been raped, you better believe I would go after that UA violation. They did nothing of the sort (and dh can tell me the name of the person they blamed it on)
3- Again, if that had happened to my daughters, I would not tell every Tom, Dick and Harry about it. That is very personal/private information, and terribly disrespectful of the victim
4- The nightmares supposedly started years after the rape, and after they had conveniently moved away from their hometown so there was no one local to blame it on. The parents have a very detailed story of how the rape took place, but neither woman was even aware of this story until I told them what had been told to me
5- They were horrible/neglectful/abusive parents (tying the kids to their beds at night, not educating them, hitting them with a belt for no reason etc)
6- Both parents lie horribly, often for no reason at all, and I think they actually believe their lies

The sucky thing is, most people think they are the nicest people you've ever known. They don't seem like bad parents, they seem like very nice, respectful people. I just wish all of dh's siblings didn't act like we were the crazy ones to distance their parents.

No, I would not want my kids around people who lie all the time and abused their kids. I would definitely not leave the kids with them unsupervised.
DIL should know what's going on too.

[mmmummy]

my short answer: no.

[bobica]

never alone but with supervision, maybe at larger family functions. it's just too weird and dysfunctional. as for the DIL, i'd probably tell her or at least drop hints that there would be no way that you'd leave any child alone with him. she can ask more if she wants.

[oliversmum2000]

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog

Um, why is there even a question? Who cares if they other siblings think you're crazy? Clearly they are showing the effects of terrible parenting themselves.

i get the impression that the op has already decided not to have contact, and is just looking for a little moral support as the rest of the family does not see why she has a problem and that she is just checking that she is not the one acting in an unreasonable way.

[mightymoo]

This sounds a lot like Munchausen by proxy, like rather than making the child physically sick, he made the girl's psychologically ill.

I would be very careful how I handled it. This would be my concern - that if you limit contact with FIL and start warning SILs about him in a way that puts him on the defensive, spreading what he will say are lies, etc. that one of your nieces and nephews will suddenly confess it was your DH or you who raped or abused them, kwim?

If he did it before, for the attention it got him, I could easily believe he'd do it again for revenge and to discredit the person accusing him of it.