consequence for cell phone abuse - Page 6

[smillerhouse]

Yes, I can relate. I am also blamed a lot.Moat of the time,it is not my fault-it is her anger and frustrain and her individuating and trying to cope with more freedom than she is ready for. I also at times feel it is unsafe to be honest about what is happening but I do it anyway. I do not have to be perfect and either do my kids. I share on boards because I don't feel there are that many safe places to share honestly. When I set boundaries to take care of myself, I also feel tons of guilt. I have to decide what is reasonable-to honor my own needs as well as the demands of my daughter-I also have a 17 year old son and a husband besides taking care of me. I am homeschooling, do tons of service work weekly,try to eat healthy, and run a positive home. Trying to meet the demand of compeitive sports as an attachment parenting person can be very overwhelming. During travel season last year, I gave up everything so she could do that and this time I am refusing to do that. I am going to a weekly support group where I can be honest about my feelings and needs, I am going to a church that is more of a fit for me, I am involved in service work and will go to a conference in a city 5 hours from me next weekend for 3 days. (This is the only time of the year that I am not taking care of others )I am going to so stuff like walk the beach, eat with someone I talk to regularly by phone, and lead and attend workshops all weekend.
I see my main role is mother,advocate, encourager, and limit setter. Spending 5 hours a pop at sports games-that conflicts lot for me. Like if I go to her away game on Tuesday, it means that I am away from the house for 7 hours or so and I have a teen son I am also dealing with. I also feel though that she needs my presence there so I need to adjust my shcedule accordingly.I now spend hours a day on academics(I am trying to be realistic and cut back a bit during this time.) with them as well as supporting my son through his first semester of college. My husband has been trying to go to all her away games after working all day. As I shared on a pp, I am conflicted about this-I feel she needs my adovocacy but I also have a need to be here-I many have my son come too unless he is sleeping. I will be here some but I am getting the message I need to be present at all of her games. Parents are not allowed at practices. This may not be offical but it is a message I get. Sallie

[UUMom]

Desta arrived already a teen...and that's a rocky time for many children. With Desta, you get all the normal teen stuff, plus the emotional baggage of death and adoption, along with cultural issues. Plus, when she acts out and is unpleasant, you have no memories or history of her as a small darling baby, or talkative, loving toddler. You have nothing from the past to see you through the bad times. I know you this isn't something don't know. But as a mother, I have gotten though rough behavior patches by recalling those times.

You're doing the best you can, and eventually Desta will become a pleasant adult. I am sure she had fatasies about America and her new family. America-- Where everyone is rich and you can finally have everything you ever needed, plus everything you ever desired. I mean isn't that why people emmigrate?

I think it's fantastic that Desta feels so safe with you that she can act the way she does. If she feared you would also abandon her, she would not be able to express herself in that crazy teen way, or express the frustration that America's streets are not actually paved in gold. You have emotional and cultural expectations to deal with on top of a cranky teen who thinks she's the sun and the starts.

[ananas]

Originally Posted by maya44

Can you work out something where he can pay for a text messaging package. These packages are usually only $15 per month for unlimited texting.

Is there a reason why you would NOT want to do this????

My text messaging plan is only five dollars a month.

[Stinkerbell]

I was not certain I wanted him to have texting available to him all the time, as once its deleted it is gone. i cant moniter who he is texting, you know? BUT we did agree to the unlimited texting plan in exchange for him folding and putting away one load of household laundry EVERY DAY after school (on top of his regular responsibilities). This is absolutely worth the $15/month to us, as I am drowning in laundry. And TMobile is logging all his incoming/outgoing #s the texts come from.