I am not blue

[ShabbyChic]

I do not feel sad. I feel very emotional. Overwhelmed by emotion. This morning I heard the song Little Wonders and started to sob. I looked at my kids and thought that I am the luckiest person alive. I looked at DH and my heart soared with love that we created this perfect family. And ever since, I feel weepy. Is this normal?

[artgirl]

normal in that it happened to me after the birth of my dd. I would've never called myself *depressed* but WOW! was I emotional for awhile. I remember reading something out of the baby book out loud to my mom and crying while I was reading it... and then laughing hysterically because I knew how silly it was that I was crying.
I just felt very raw and unprotected emotionally. Like all my protective walls had crumbled while I gave birth. It took awhile to get back on an even keel. Actually... I don't know if I ever fully recovered and my dd is 5 now. But I consider that a blessing.
Changed forever and softened by becoming a mother.

[queendom lady]

I'm with you. I'm not depressed at all but have super highs and not lows exactly but i overreact quite bit. at 1 week old she got this really bad diaper rash on her inner thighs and i had a serious meltdown. i just couldn't see her in any kind of pain. it made me sick. but she got better very quickly and now she's a bit stuffed up and i'm a little more rational. i don't feel like a failure if i can't make sure i do everything exactly right - i know i'm learning. i'm a pretty emotional person as it is, now i'm just a little ridiculous. thank God dh is sensitive too.

[Cujobunny]

Me too ladies.

[ShabbyChic]

Originally Posted by artgirl

I just felt very raw and unprotected emotionally. Like all my protective walls had crumbled while I gave birth.
Changed forever and softened by becoming a mother.

This is exactly it. Exactly. I feel like this life is passing me by too quickly, because today is so perfect I want it to last forever. I want to put us all in a protected bubble. I have moments where I want to go back and stuff Hudson inside and give birth again, because even though it was not a perfect birth, that day was so perfect. I want it to happen all over again. I want to sit in my chair and nurse him all day and look at his face and not want the moments to pass by. I feel so lucky to be a woman and to have these experiences even though sometimes they are almost too powerful to comprehend. And the scariest part about all of this, is although i was SURE I was done, I want to do it again.

[mama2walden&luna]

I'm having a hard day, a really really hard day. I have moments when I feel so in love with my family, and moments when they make me really sad. Dh is really trying to make things easier on me. Dd1, Walden, is really the source of my difficult emotions. This baby coming into our lives is really hard on her and she's acting out awfully. She's 2.5 and normally is really sweet. She and I were super close from the moment she was born. We bonded instantly and she's never been happy with anyone else, it's always been mommy. I stay home, so she's with me 24/7 and it's always been just her and me. Dh travels a lot for his job, so, we're alone a lot. I guess it's just so much of a shock for her. I'm sad because I feel like I have lost her. She won't listen to anything I say, no matter how I say it. She won't do anything I ask of her, and if I tell her no, she does it anyway. She's not normally like this. It's really hard to deal with; I can't stop crying today. I can't even enjoy being around her and what's equally as bad, I'm not able to fully enjoy my new baby.
I don't know if it's baby blues of the beginnings of PPD. I have my placenta in the freezer and an encapsulation kit. I guess I need to get it out and do it. But what to do with Walden? I certainly can't give her placenta pills. I've been giving her Bach Flower Essences for adjustment and jealousy, but they don't seem to be working.
I'm sorry mamas, this was a happy thread until I chimed in. I'm not like this constantly, today is just really bad. All of the feelings you have all been describing are how I felt after Walden was born. This time is a mixture of good and bad.
This is really upseting because I think this is my last baby and I want to enjoy her completely.

[quetinha]

I have leveled off a little bit the last 2 (?) days... before that I was a roller coaster of emotions as well. I would cry for happy thoughts, sad thoughts, everything. I like how artgirl said it was like your barriers coming down. I wish I could keep them at least a little bit down though. In addition to crying I've been laughing more. I probably haven't laughed in a couple years at home and it felt very good. (Don't mean to say life isn't good - I'm just very guarded). So that aspect has been nice and I will have to make an effort to be that way a little bit more.

[artgirl]

Walden's momma,
I just want to let you know that we had a similar experience with my dd when I had ds. She'd always been very much a mama's girl because at that point my dh traveled a lot as well. She was angry when we brought the baby home. I distinctly remember her stomping throught he house saying loudly "just leave me alone!!". She was also 2.5 when ds was born. She didn't listen to me very well for awhile and was difficult to deal with. I remember feeling guilty for wanting to be with the new baby instead of her because she was such a challenge. BUT IT GOT BETTER!!! I'd say after 2 weeks she started to settle down and after a month or so she was pretty much back on track.
AND the things that WILL happen but that haven't had a chance to develop yet will make it worth it to you. Not only will your dd be okay (she's just confused right now) but she'll LOVE her sister. You'll witness these magical sibling moments that are really just too sweet for words.
We TALKED a lot with dd... telling her how we understood that it was hard to have a new baby around when she just wanted her mama... etc. I think it helped a lot. I tried to verbalize for her what I imagined she was feeling and let her know that it was normal.
Hang in there mama. I promise that you haven't lost Walden. She's just going through her own adjustment period. She needs patience and understanding and little room. I can't wait to read your posts about how your two daughters enjoy each other and how the three of you have so much fun!

[mama2walden&luna]

Originally Posted by artgirl

Walden's momma,
I just want to let you know that we had a similar experience with my dd when I had ds. She'd always been very much a mama's girl because at that point my dh traveled a lot as well. She was angry when we brought the baby home. I distinctly remember her stomping throught he house saying loudly "just leave me alone!!". She was also 2.5 when ds was born. She didn't listen to me very well for awhile and was difficult to deal with. I remember feeling guilty for wanting to be with the new baby instead of her because she was such a challenge. BUT IT GOT BETTER!!! I'd say after 2 weeks she started to settle down and after a month or so she was pretty much back on track.
AND the things that WILL happen but that haven't had a chance to develop yet will make it worth it to you. Not only will your dd be okay (she's just confused right now) but she'll LOVE her sister. You'll witness these magical sibling moments that are really just too sweet for words.
We TALKED a lot with dd... telling her how we understood that it was hard to have a new baby around when she just wanted her mama... etc. I think it helped a lot. I tried to verbalize for her what I imagined she was feeling and let her know that it was normal.
Hang in there mama. I promise that you haven't lost Walden. She's just going through her own adjustment period. She needs patience and understanding and little room. I can't wait to read your posts about how your two daughters enjoy each other and how the three of you have so much fun!

Thank you so much! I really does seem like she's pulling away from me. But I know you're right, she'll come around. It's just so hard right now. Thank you again and I'll be sure to post some good news about her and me soon. She IS good with her little sister. She always wants to kiss and hold her. It's me she doesn't like right now. I just hope it passes soon. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

[ladyleigh]

Music totally makes me cry these days. I love to sing to my ds. Today it was 'Times Like These' by Jack Johnson.

"There will always be laughing, crying, birth and dying
Boys and girls with hearts that take and give and break
That heal and grow and recreate and raise and nurture
Then hurt, from time to times like these and times like those
What will be will be and so it goes"

I've been replaying old Bob Marley/ Wailers since his birth (it was his first music :-)

I feel a lot of happiness and contentment and an odd sense of vulnerability, which I translate as worry that I am doing something wrong- in this case worry that I am not blissed enough : My new mantra is 'I am enough just as I am".