DD just witnessed domestic violence, and I don't know what to say to her - Page 2

[babycarrier]

thank you for calling.

[pranamama]

someone called the police when my they heard me screaming, I couldn't get to the phone as he was pinning me down and strangling me at the time.

Thank goodness you called, how many of us could find and dial 911 on our cell phones, if we have one while being bodyslammed.

[pranamama]

I wonder if you called a domestic violence hotline if they would have age appropriate materials for your dd.

the neighbor child could probably get some services from the same agency hopefully.

[veggiemomma]

Well, kudos to OP for calling the police. It is supposed to be the law officers' job to solve crimes. It is ours, as citizens, to report them when we see them. This was definitely a crime.

I think I would tell your dd that when some people get angry, they use hurtful words to try to make themselves feel better. Sometimes they even use violence because they can't control their anger. I would point out that this is wrong and that we must never hit other people just because we are angry. I would also tell her the truth and say that you called the police because it is wrong AND against the law for adults to use their hands on each other in a mean way.

I am sorry that you had to deal with this. I hope your female neighbor is thankful that you called the police. Is she okay?

[Demeter9]

Originally Posted by freestyler

Even though the couple was having major problems, I am not sure I would have called the police. (I know, that is not the question here.) I think I would have wanted to mind my own business, and no offense to the OP, this is just a personal judgment call. I HATE it when neighbors call the cops on each other. It's predatory.

Maybe I might have silently given them the name of a good therapist to use if they wanted to.

As for what to tell the child, I would have said that yes, sometimes adults do wrong things to. And pretty much that's it. I would only call outside authorities if I thought the child was in actual, real danger. Or one of the adults was in real, imminent, visible danger of life or limb. Otherwise I prefer to MMOB (mind my own business.)

[Demeter9]

http://www.asafeplaceforhelp.org/childrensbooklist.html
http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents.../kearney2.html

[lml41981]

Originally Posted by twopinknoblue

Fortunately, he has never confronted us regarding our taking in his wife or calling the police, and as a matter of fact, he's always very cordial with us. He still makes me uncomfortable and we avoid him as much as possible.

That's because he knows that you're strong enough that you won't just take it. If you're strong enough to take in his wife, you're certainly strong enough not to put up with his BS directly and he preys on those he views as weak.

Thank you for calling. I think it sets a good example for your daughter that we, as women, have to look out for ourselves and for one another...and that nobody, no matter what, deserves that kind of treatment.

I hope you were or are able to find the resources available to help your daughter. Maybe if your or your DH have an employee assistance program through work, they might have some advice.

[Nimbus]

I agree completely with JBaxter's suggestions.

My 3 1/2 ds and I witnessed a man assaulting his wife/live in girlfriend in a parking lot while their kids in their car watched. I called the cops, the man saw me on my phone and walked away, the woman thanked me. The woman's sister, in an adjacent car thanked me for getting involved and told me it wasn't the first time. I made a report to the police. All while ds watched. We talked about it on the way home in the car. I would have been ashamed had I done nothing. Even more so had I done nothing and ds asked about what happened. Instead, he got to see that it's important to help other people. Sometimes that means calling the police when you can't help directly.

It's unfortunate when our little ones see bad things happen, but these are also opportunities for us to discuss difficult topics and model humane behavior.

[CrunchyCate]

Thank you for calling the police- when I was abused by an ex-boyfriend in public, strangers called the police and came out and stopped him (in this case, it was a man that was much larger than XBF, so it was safe for him to do so). I have never forgotten the kindness. I think everyone has offered good advice on what to tell DD.

[AuntNi]

Good for you for calling the police. That was very brave of you to get involved.

Originally Posted by twopinknoblue

Yeah, DD knows that she is only allowed to play with neighbor boy when she is supervised by DH or myself. I've been concerned on several occassions that neighbor man may come to our house angry.....he knows this is where his wife comes in the middle of the night (she's also come over and stayed in our house when we were out of town......she was taking care of our cats, had the code to get in our garage, he was apparently beating her one night and she and her son came over here to stay). Fortunately, he has never confronted us regarding our taking in his wife or calling the police, and as a matter of fact, he's always very cordial with us. He still makes me uncomfortable and we avoid him as much as possible.

I'm glad you and DD know to avoid the abuser. Please be safe as you help your neighbor. A woman on another of my MBs was murdered by an abusive husband when she went to help her abused girlfriend pack her bags. That story was so scary to me! I really really hope your neighbor is able to get out of this situation.

[Rhonwyn]

Thank you for calling. I hope things start to get better for your neighbor and her family.

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by pranamama

I wonder if you called a domestic violence hotline if they would have age appropriate materials for your dd.

the neighbor child could probably get some services from the same agency hopefully.

Now *that is an excellent idea!