Does anyone else deal with family issues like this?

[*Lindsey*]

Let me summarize by saying that my family, especially my dad's side, is wacko. All except my aunt, bless her soul. There is way too much background and too many stories to go into detail, but my dad and I didn't speak for 3 years and he wasn't at our wedding. He finally came around right before DS was born and we "made up". His wife and I didn't (still don't, really, I just tolerate her) get a long very well, etc.

Anyway, they are just always over the top with everything. Birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, baby gifts. I think they'd smother us if I'd let them. They're always offering to watch the kids and I always tell them no. No way will I let my children be alone with them for any length of time.

Both dad and his wife have asked me (3x so far) to "Please call when you're in labor so we can be at the hospital when the babies are born." No one else asks for this and everyone seems to respect the fact that we want time alone with the babies ourselves, then time to introduce them to DS and DD, before anyone else comes and drives us crazy. I haven't told them no yet and am not sure if I will, lest I tick them off. But, they won't stay mad long b/c they'd go insane if we were fighting again and they couldn't see the kids. I've thought of just telling them (after the fact) that things were to crazy/fast/hectic/whatever and we didn't have time to call them.

It would drive me insane to know that they were in the hospital, waiting, ready to pounce on our girls after they're born. UGH.

[crunchywannabe]

ugh, I understand how you feel.

I would just smile and nod, and then not call them until you have delivered and are ready for visitors!


if they say anything when they come down, just say "oh well, it went so fast" or "it was so intense" or "we forgot our call list" and leave it at that!

[kathteach]

Yuck, Lindsey. I can sympathize with you b/c my family is so dysfunctional on both sides. My mom was nowhere near when DS was born and in fact has only seen him once in 16 months.

I think you have a great idea about "oh it happened so fast/so much was going on etc etc etc." It's going to be the truth anyway. It's no one's family right to be present at the hospital. I hope you are not feeling guilty (you didn't say you are, I just know I would be even though I would have no reason.)

Stay strong and don't let the craziness stress you out.

[wwisdomskr]

It's your birth, Mama.

Sounds like you have a good plan to call them afterwards, when you're ready.

[sorteep]

DO not call them untill you are totally ready for them to be there.. no excuses necessary... I find non answers to questions or ask them a question back works to distract them from actually ans why you did not call earlier!

[chubbycheeks]

Yup, lots of dysfunctional people here as well, mostly on DHs side!! I agree with the PPs, don't feel pressured to call them. Have things the way you want them and let them deal with it. I have been pressured both times in the past with the births of our babies and people wanting to be there/come visit right away. I have given in and regretted it, but I am holding strong this time, lol Best of luck to you Mama, I can identify with you and its not fun.

[MamaHippo]

I agree - just dont call them at all until you're ready! And just use the excuse that "everything happened so fast and they doctors didn't think it was a good time for family to be coming in, so....."

After the babes are born, I highly recommend having a chat with your postpartum nurses and getting them in cahoots with you regarding those family members you DO NOT want around you or the girls. Let the nurses know you have a difficult history with your dad and his wife ( no more specifics needed), and that you dont want them showing up and swooping in on you guys when youre trying to bond as a family. They are more than willing to act as bad guys when needed. You can have them tell your dad when he tries to come in without prior approval from you that 'Lindsey needs her rest and the babies need to nurse and be monitored ( or whatever) so we are not recommending visitors until the doctor checks her out.' That could be today, tomorrow, next week....whichever you choose. Let them help you, they are more than willing!

[Valerieg]

I didn't want my MIL & FIL at the hospital...and we don't really have family issues. I just didn't want the pressure of having someone waiting on ME!

So I don't blame you for not wanting them there. What we did was we didn't even call my MIL until I was in transition (and I didn't even want to call her then). DH told her not to come up to the hospital until we called again because I wasn't too far along (yes, he lied). Then, he called my MIL about an hour or two after DD was born. They weren't going to come since it was 3am but they came anyway!

I didn't really want my mom there either but we called her when we were on our way to the hospital and she arrived about 10-15 minutes before DD was born. It worked out okay.

You have to do what is best for you and your family!