to prevent spontaneous combustion, which I fear would be really bad for the baby.
So my dad and my step mom were here for 10 days. They left today, but left me so stressed out and upset. My dad his a horribly toxic person and just beats me down (verbally, has never actually hit me). He would remind me daily that I am a bad wife, which in my opinion, is the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me, and there has been a lot of mean mean things. The odd thing is that the relationship with my husband is the most healthy relationship with a man I've ever had. We love each other dearly, we communicate well and are an excellent team. We are incredibly sarcastic to each other, me more than him, but he gets it, however sometimes other people don't. I don't say hurtful things to him, just sarcasm. It's really hard to explain, but our relationship works really well for us, I wouldn't change it, and I'm sure he wouldn't either. I often talk to him about the status of our marriage and he's happy, and in love, and overjoyed to be a daddy.
Anyhow I digress. My dad is ANTI (in all caps) any type of attachment parenting. Cloth diapering, extended breastfeeing (to him anything over 6 weeks), co-sleeping, and so on is all gross to him. Yes gross. He actually used the word. I wouldn't bring these topics up with him, but I wouldn't shy away from them either, but it would end with him making some asinine comment and me changing the subject in lieu of crying. This went on for 10 days. Then today over lunch we were talking about the birth. He suggested that I opt for a cesarean. Oh yes he did. He didn't understand why I was so opposed (nor did my step mom, which is out of character for her), I explained, major surgery, cutting muscle, longer healing, not something I want to elect. Then he said well at least you'll have the drugs. Again I told him no. I don't want a hole in my spine, and there can still be complications. Then he told me that there is no way that I could handle the pain, and besides since I'm so short (5'0") my canal will be too small and I will need a c-section. (his words not mine) He finishes with that since I can't handle the headaches I've gotten my whole life, I won't be able to handle labour. I changed the subject.
Now the reason he is in my life at all is because I love my step mom. So much so that this baby will be named after her. She is the reason I have maintained a relationship with my dad and suffered all of the abuse for all of these years. (who tells a 12 year old that she is a gross fat bitch??) yeah.
The other day I was having some strange cramping and I called my doctor and I was warned to take it easy, relax and drink more water and to avoid any stressful situations. I tried to take the advise, I drank lots of water, but stress and me are like peas and carrots, we go together.... Sigh, but they're gone, I have my house to myself (which was not at all up to his standards, everything he's ever had is so much better, blah de blah. but it's not really.) I will relax tomorrow, I won't have to cook a meal which will be frowned upon, I won't have to be so aware what I eat for fear I might be being scrutinized and be warned that I am fat, and I can watch what I want on TV. I'm a little excited.
So thanks for listening, I needed to whine and I can't post it on my blog....
So my dad and my step mom were here for 10 days. They left today, but left me so stressed out and upset. My dad his a horribly toxic person and just beats me down (verbally, has never actually hit me). He would remind me daily that I am a bad wife, which in my opinion, is the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me, and there has been a lot of mean mean things. The odd thing is that the relationship with my husband is the most healthy relationship with a man I've ever had. We love each other dearly, we communicate well and are an excellent team. We are incredibly sarcastic to each other, me more than him, but he gets it, however sometimes other people don't. I don't say hurtful things to him, just sarcasm. It's really hard to explain, but our relationship works really well for us, I wouldn't change it, and I'm sure he wouldn't either. I often talk to him about the status of our marriage and he's happy, and in love, and overjoyed to be a daddy.
Anyhow I digress. My dad is ANTI (in all caps) any type of attachment parenting. Cloth diapering, extended breastfeeing (to him anything over 6 weeks), co-sleeping, and so on is all gross to him. Yes gross. He actually used the word. I wouldn't bring these topics up with him, but I wouldn't shy away from them either, but it would end with him making some asinine comment and me changing the subject in lieu of crying. This went on for 10 days. Then today over lunch we were talking about the birth. He suggested that I opt for a cesarean. Oh yes he did. He didn't understand why I was so opposed (nor did my step mom, which is out of character for her), I explained, major surgery, cutting muscle, longer healing, not something I want to elect. Then he said well at least you'll have the drugs. Again I told him no. I don't want a hole in my spine, and there can still be complications. Then he told me that there is no way that I could handle the pain, and besides since I'm so short (5'0") my canal will be too small and I will need a c-section. (his words not mine) He finishes with that since I can't handle the headaches I've gotten my whole life, I won't be able to handle labour. I changed the subject.
Now the reason he is in my life at all is because I love my step mom. So much so that this baby will be named after her. She is the reason I have maintained a relationship with my dad and suffered all of the abuse for all of these years. (who tells a 12 year old that she is a gross fat bitch??) yeah.
The other day I was having some strange cramping and I called my doctor and I was warned to take it easy, relax and drink more water and to avoid any stressful situations. I tried to take the advise, I drank lots of water, but stress and me are like peas and carrots, we go together.... Sigh, but they're gone, I have my house to myself (which was not at all up to his standards, everything he's ever had is so much better, blah de blah. but it's not really.) I will relax tomorrow, I won't have to cook a meal which will be frowned upon, I won't have to be so aware what I eat for fear I might be being scrutinized and be warned that I am fat, and I can watch what I want on TV. I'm a little excited.
So thanks for listening, I needed to whine and I can't post it on my blog....
), my mom is alot like your dad. She used be a whole lot more subtle about her put downs but over the years it has come to a high. I used to talk to her everyday on the phone but we are now estranged pretty much after I tried to live with her for 3 months for financial reasons. the only reason at this point that I have any contact with her is because of my dad and kids. I want my kids to have a relationship with grandma, since she is actually nice to them if she isn't over exposed to them. And I LOVE my dad. Have you seen a therapist about this? That helped ALOT for me, especially when I was pregnant with #1. Anyway, take care of yourself and good luck.
