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Child Spacing - Page 2

post #21 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Swandira View Post
I've read that from a health point of view for both the children and the mother (according to WHO and some other organization that did a massive study), 3-5 years apart is the ideal spacing
I've read 3-5 years is ideal, as well. That amount of time allows your body to recover. I feel wiped out from my pregnancy and the thought of another pregnancy fills me with worry, stress, and despair, at this point.
post #22 of 35
Having a baby and a toddler is rediculously hard. I fully believe that human babies are *supposed* to be 4ish years apart. Maybe closer would be more realistic if we lived in a culture where extended families lived together.

I'm far apart from my siblings. I'm OK with that.

My babies are 27 months apart and I am not OK with all the parenting compromises I've had to make in the last three months. Both the baby and the toddler get less than I think baby humans deserve.

that's my honest two pennies.
post #23 of 35
You're getting lots of feedback! Hope you find it helpful!

We have 2 that are 2 years apart. Now ds is 16 months and we are thinking about a third but I don't want to lose my milk, and ds still needs his "mimi" so much. On the other hand, they play together really well and I think it is due to the close spacing - simple things please them both, like screeching at the top of their lungs while running up and down the hall, playing with pots and pans, and unloading the cupboards. All the things that make me grit my teeth and remind myself better they are happy than not! I would not want a third to be much younger than the older two, for fear they would feel left out.

Anyway, I like having two so much more than having one, even though I do feel that there is a compromise for the oldest in losing some parenting time.

I did not feel BTW that my body was compromised by the second pregnancy so close to the first. In fact I felt much better than with the first, possibly because I gave up a vegetarian diet. We do eat so much better than many of the people for whom the WHO would have made their child-spacing recommendations (this is my speculation, anyway - just a thought).
post #24 of 35
I have 3 kids under 3.5 years old. My oldest two are 19 mos. apart and the baby came alonga bout 21 months later. I miscarried between my baby and my son, which would have put the kids at about 15 months apart.

Personally, I have wanted children close together. My older two were showing signs of weaning before I became pregnant, so nursing until two was not going to be an option.

My daughter and son (the older two) are good playmates and they both adore the baby. my son is a little hard to cope with right now because he's such "rough and tumble" and shows his love thorugh headbutts and trying to lay on the baby to hug her. he is showing his love in his own way, but it is difficult because the baby has to be on me in a sling constantly for me to be able to get anything done. I fear that constantly wearing the baby will lead to jealousy angers but so far that does not sppear to be happening.

I think the more kids you have, the more you naturally adapt. I would never have imagined being able ot handle and cope with 3 kids under 3.5 before I had kids or even with my first.
post #25 of 35
I'm due with my fourth child in a couple of months. I will have four kids five and under.

I love having closely spaced (all 2 years apart) children. We are dedicated homeschoolers, and this will make it easier for me having them at closer developmental stages. It's very hard work, but it's just for a season. I love how close my children are, my boys are the best of friends. I tandem nursed all of them, and all of them got their 2 full years of breastmilk (and more!). This is what works best for our family dynamic, this kind of question has no one size fits all answer. For us, we both are at home full time (home business) and DH helps out alot. This is our last child, and I am relieved to get all the diapers and toddler years done at once.
post #26 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I would not be comfortable ttc when the baby is under two. I personally feel that it's a child's birth right to have full access to breastmilk for two full years. I could not risk that.

-Angela

I'd have to add... wait and see how your body reacts, too. I went back and forth trying to think of what would be a good age difference, but at this point, it is out of my hands. I still don't feel totally ready for another and dd is 2. It also depends on the kid. DD spent a lot of time today just nursing and being held (I think she's having a tough transition since dh is back at work after a vacation) and there is no way I could have devoted that much energy to helping her if I had a baby, too. Some kids are more independent, but in our situation, less than 2 years wouldn't work.
post #27 of 35
My two are 2.5 years apart. The first year I thought I was going to loose my mind. (although I also had PPD) It has gotten much easier now that they can play together. Although they do fight a lot over toys and the older one regressed a lot when DD2 was born and still tries to do baby things because she sees that we get a rise out of it. But DD1 adores DD2 and it is really cute when they do play.
Right now I am in the same boat about wondering when to have #2. I think 2.5 years was to hard and would rather do sooner or later.
Im not sure so these replies are good, but I am seeing that it is different for everybody and there's no clear answer as to what to do. You just have to find your own path cause it is what it is no mater what it is. lol
post #28 of 35
Mine are 27 months apart and so far so good.

I have heard once you get to a spacing of 5 years or more your body treats it more like a first pregnancy.
post #29 of 35
As an abstract 'rule of thumb' I wouldn't want a gap of less than 30mo/2.5 years. I could not meet my own parenting standards for two children any closer in age. Taking into accound my Ds1 specifically, I think 3+ sounds optimal for him and I.
post #30 of 35
my two are 21 months apart and i absolutely LOVE it. My second was a surprise and i hit rock bottom. Her birth was traumatic and we were even considering not having any more at all! I cried a lot and felt like this would make my daughter grow up too fast and I was extremely worried that things would be horrible and they would hate each other and I read "Siblings without rivalry" (i'm sorry, i don't remember the author, i let a friend borrow it) and it completely calmed me down. No matter what age difference you decide is best for you, because everyone is different, i highly recommend this book. actually, we're planning on ttc our third pretty soon. But my pregnancy with my son was wonderful and i feel my body is completely healed and ready to do it again.
Whatever you decide, do what's best for you and your family, things have a way of working themselves out.
post #31 of 35
My boys are exactly 3 yrs and 2 weeks apart. I really like that spacing for them. My older ds is not as wild as the younger so having a baby around when he was 3 was doable. I still ran around like a headless chicken sometimes that first year. Heck, I still do and they are 6 and 3 now.

We've been thinking about adding a 3rd child and honestly my 3 yr old has me waiting. He is so high energy and head strong that he consumes almost all my energy. So I'm not sure if I want to add another baby to the crazy mix.
post #32 of 35
Mine are 3 years 2 days apart, and I like that spacing. Close enough that they'll still play together some, but far enough that the oldest was quite independent by the time the baby came (out of diapers, able to speak and care a bit for herself).

I do think it depends on the children and on the mom and no single answer will be right for every family.

For me, I definitely want to nurse a minimum of 2 years, and it has to feel right in my heart and for my body. For my parenting style and my body, 3 years is my minimum, and when we have #3 it will probably be a bigger then 3 year gap (or at least that's what I think at this point )
post #33 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by tempestjewel View Post
Mine are 3 years 2 days apart, and I like that spacing. Close enough that they'll still play together some, but far enough that the oldest was quite independent by the time the baby came (out of diapers, able to speak and care a bit for herself).

I do think it depends on the children and on the mom and no single answer will be right for every family.

For me, I definitely want to nurse a minimum of 2 years, and it has to feel right in my heart and for my body. For my parenting style and my body, 3 years is my minimum, and when we have #3 it will probably be a bigger then 3 year gap (or at least that's what I think at this point )
Ha! I could have written your post as well.
post #34 of 35
We've just got one at the moment, but DD is now coming up on 13 months and I've started to get the "baby thoughts" again. It's not quite "baby fever", certainly nowhere near the state I was in before conceiving DD, but heading in that direction.

It's reassuring to hear other moms who had 21/22 month spacing and thought it was fine. Of course, AF hasn't shown up yet so we may have a bigger gap as long as DD continues to nurse through the night.
post #35 of 35
I have 4 kids. The first and second child are 2.5 years apart, and the second and third are 13 months apart and I thought it would be hard but in retrospect it was easier making the transition when my third was born because I was already in 'baby mode'. I pretty much raised them together and they play very well together. I liked the spacing, and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Now my third and fourth are 4.5 years apart. I have liked this to because I feel like I have a lot more time to give to my baby. At the same time it's like 'starting over'. I wish I had them closer because my older ones are at an age where they can do some 'big kid' things, but my 9 month old is too young to participate. Hope that helps!
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