I am at my wits end and I need HELP!!

[lisap]

DD is 3 almost 4 and DS is 14 mo. DD has become so violent and hateful it is sometimes scary. This has caused such a strain on our family and I don't know what to do. She says things like "I hate you," "you're stupid," "I want to kill you," "I'm going to cut you mommy" and today she told me I was a dog. I have no idea where she hears these things. She will also hit her brother, drag him accross the floor by his shirt, kick him, bite (anyone one of us) and just be hurtful. She also screams and yells all the time. Sometimes I wonder if the neighbors think we are hurting her. She will scream even if no one is near her. I have tried everything I can think of and nothing works. I have tried to be calm and tell her to respect us and her brother, I have tried getting upset, I have tried to ignore it and I have tried removing her from the situation. Nothing works! By the end of the day I am so spent and stressed out I can't even think straight. I need help. I want to have a peaceful, loving safe home, but DD is making it so hard.

I want to try and eliminting the TV, DH loves TV and has it on all the time. He will sometimes watch things IMO that are not appropriate for DD. I am not sure if this is the cause, but it can't be helping the situation.

So wise mamas, what do I do? Thanks for reading this long post!

[LilyGrace]

Have you tried removing yourself and/or your ds? "I will not let you hurt me." Period. Full stop. Take a step back, pick up the baby, and leave the room.

On another note, how much time do you get to focus just on her? My youngest took up a good deal of time, and took that time away from his brother. I scheduled in 'dates' at least once a week that was just time for the two of us so we could reconnect, and I try to touch base throughout the day. Giving positive, one on one attention could help with some of the anger issues, since jealously and frustration often take nasty turns.

[lisap]

Originally Posted by LilyGrace

Have you tried removing yourself and/or your ds? "I will not let you hurt me." Period. Full stop. Take a step back, pick up the baby, and leave the room.

On another note, how much time do you get to focus just on her? My youngest took up a good deal of time, and took that time away from his brother. I scheduled in 'dates' at least once a week that was just time for the two of us so we could reconnect, and I try to touch base throughout the day. Giving positive, one on one attention could help with some of the anger issues, since jealously and frustration often take nasty turns.

DH has pointed out that I need more time DD and I agree. But I usually think in terms of a special date and not that day to day connection. Perhaps I could start a daily routine that involves more alone time. I know that's what she needs more of, it's just so hard with DS, DH and work and well life. Thanks LilyGrace, I really want my DD back!

-lisa

[Danaoc]

Gosh, that sounds so tough - I hear how hard it must be to deal with what your dd is going through.

When my ds has gone through EXTREMELY tough transitions (and usually it is because he is testing us), I've done an overload of love medicine. I let him know that no matter what happens I love him. I call him "my love" all the time. I constantly tell him I love him. And I play a game with him called, "I love you when..." and I name 20 different things. I'll say "I love you when you laugh. I love you when you cry." "I love you when you touch your friends gently. And I love you when you hit them." This last one may seem hard to say, but my message is that no matter what he does he will get unconditional love from me. (Of course in the actual situations, I teach him that we don't hit friends.) And I always end with, "No matter what, no matter what, I will always always love you." He beams!

When I do an overload of love medicine usually, he starts turning into a secure loved child again. He realizes he can test me but he starts working with me more rather than battling me. I know in his most difficult times he is testing me, and when I let him know my love he FEELS better. When he feels better, he starts acting better.

She may be experiencing emotional pain, she may be missing you, she may be wanting to know ever more in a possible growth spurt phase that you love her even more.

Hope this helps and best of luck!