Any military mamas or mamas with dh's that travel?

[MamaBug]

Or mamas with dh that are away alot?

My brother was recently activated to go over seas for at least 3 months. They are busy getting ready for his absence. Their daughter is going to be 1 in September and they want to make sure that she remembers him if he is gone a long time. They are making a daddy/baby photo album, he is reading her favorite stories on a video for her to watch at night before bed. Any other ideas that she can use?

They are also getting my SIL settled into her new role of doing everything. He is teaching her how to use the lawn mower, snow blower and such and also is getting all the things stored in the attic down so that she does not have to deal with that in the winter. Any more ideas in that area would be great too.


I hate the thought of my niece not remembering my brother by the time he gets back. 3 months is a long time but he may be over there longer, so they want to be prepared if he is. THat baby just lights up when he walks in the room and this makes me very sad I would appreciate any suggestions to make this transition easier on her. Thanks in advance!

[Elphaba]

there is a military mommas tribe in the finding your tribe forum, so check that out.

my husband has been TDY a LOT since shosh was born. he went to germany for 6 weeks when she was 6 months old, and then was gone 14 weeks this spring/summer and will be leaving in september for 4 months.

we videotaped him reading stories to her, but we haven't even used that yet because i couldn't get it to work with the TV. whenever he called, i let her get some of the airtime to just hear his voice and babble to him. the photo album is a great idea.

your SIL is the one i'd be worried about, honestly. being a single parent is really hard, especially when you are accustomed to having someone else around. she's going to be lonely and stressed out. if she's not used to dealing with military BS, that's another challenge she's got to face. is she near a base? it would be ideal if she could get in touch with the family readiness group for your brother's unit. they will have checklists for deployments.
if she doesn't have a durable power of attorney, they need to get one. if she doesn't handle the bills, she needs to know what the situation is there. she needs to get the contact numbers for everyone she can, in case something happens with his paycheck (not uncommon unfortunately) and so she can make use of any benefits she has coming to her.

if i think of anything else, i'll be back!

[Ms.Doula]

I am wirting this as a mom of 3 and a former military wife (and soon to be again, as in 2 mos DH will be going back active duty)

Your brother is lucky to have a sister like you, who is concerned & who is looking out for his family.

If this is the first time your SIL has experienced a military detachment, then I would also just remind her that ANY contact will help the time pass quicker. The occasional surprise phone calls are great (though SOOO EXPENSIVE!) BUt snail mail letters are better since she will feel like she is talking to him without a time limit. I recomend a "evening chat" with her hubby, for her own sanity. Everything that she would have normaly talked about or shared w/ him, say after dinner, or bedtime for the lil one, she should jot in a letter. And then send them out every 3-4 days. Any & every little acomplishment, of the lil one, and the things in her day as well. (As long as she is not overwhelming her dh about the *stressfull* issues constantly, since it is hard on him if he is not there to help & change things. Many men are subject to depression because of this.)

Also If possible Email contact is great. She needs to invest in a digital camera, if she doesnt have one already. A website that she can load the pics onto are ideal ( www.Snapfish.com , www.picturetrail.com , www.babiesonline.com ) And journaling with the pics helps as well. A bi-weekly or monthly "Care-Package" would be great, if they can afford it. Add in a couple of pictures, some coloring projects that mommy helps with, and some goodies for dad. (non-meltable candies, store bought cookies so they dont go bad, and other lil treats he cant get out to sea, or wherever he is) Telling her the goodies are being taken to Daddy. It sounds like she has all the other "bases" covered though!

I would be more worried about your brother & SIL's relationship, than say the 1 year old's. Believe it or not, she will remember her daddy. And she probably WILL be a little uneasy with him when he returns, but that is all so normal. She will ease back into the life w/ both parents slowly when he returns.
It is usually harder on the married couple, since the DH will feel helpless being away from them. And this can create alot of stress, and frustration. And the Wife may unknowingly resent him for leaving such a heavy burden for her to carry alone. I would encourage their relationship to remain the most important. And if others (say, your DH, or a dad) could help with little things like lawn care ect. it will help to lighten her load!

BIG HUGS & Prayers for your family!
And Your Brother's speedy deployment & safe return!

OH one more thing.......... Make sure they go into "Legal" (on base) and get her "Power of Attorney" just in case of anything. Better to have than not! (I have needed it for one reason or another a couple times!)

I hope this Helps!

[Ms.Doula]

Elphaba

I see as I was typing my HUGE novel, you responded too with good advice! LOL. I pretty much repeated what you were saying! Ya owe me a coke! HaaHaaHaa! I will have to go into the Filitary forum at finding your tribe. I never knew we had one! (Of course thats because I am a Diapering junky! LOL!)
THANKS!

[MamaBug]

Thank you both for your replies, I truly appreciate them. I did not know about the whole power of attorney and I don't think that they did either, I will email them today and let them know. Thankfully she also has a very good full time babysitter that does almost everything with the baby. The reason that I am more worried about the baby is that she spent most of her time with my brother and now will mostly be with a caregiver, thankfully from what I can gather a very good one. Her face would light up when he walked in to a room and thought that she is going to forget him and have to readjust makes my heart break.

Thankfully he will have access to computer and they do have a digtal. So that should make it easier. I guess at her age she really does not understand what is going on. It just breaks my heart is all thank you for your suggestions and for listening. I will suggest to her that she get together with other women whoes dh are getting sent as well, maybe that will help her. And I am going to try to have more contact with my niece ( we do not live close) while my brother is gone. Thanks again!

[lula]

My husband travels for long time periods and my family has a lot of exprerience with miliary deployments.

I really think your niece will remember her daddy. One thing that we do is take pictures of what daddy looks like when working (and gone) We leave out the scary stuff but it helps to have pictures displayed of what he looks like while away.

My daughter also has a daddy bear that travels with her dad and a bear he gives to her when he leaves.

must depart! Good luck to your brother.

lula

[Faye]

I'm a military mom, too. My dd is almost two and my husband has been gone for about half of her life. I've been really surprised at how well she has handled it. When she was 12 mos old he left for a month and she was shocked when he came home. She just stared at him for a long time, not moving or talking or anything. It took her a good couple days to get used to him that time. My husband just got back from Iraq a few weeks ago. This time she recognized him right away. It was two in the morning when we picked him up. She looked at him for a second then stretched out her arms like she wanted him to hold her. She also started telling him things right away (mostly about how noisy it was when everyone was screaming when they marched in). I think it helped that he wrote her a book about his deployment and what he was doing and that he'd be coming home. We read that a lot. The first line is "Daddy is a soldier." She thought it meant Daddy is a shoulder. The first couple weeks is the hardest. Eventually you get used to being on your own. At least one good friend is important.