Disapproving older people - Page 3

[sphinx]

this topic... i could go on and on and on.

just yesterday a 60-something woman actually leaned over my body and pushed my (2.9 yo) son's shoulder and told him he had to sit on the metro seat, then started yelling at me b/c i let him stand -- *by the way - he had JUST stood up, i didn't have a chance to say a word to him before she reached out from behind me and pushed him. The fact was that she was watching him/me like a hawk to make sure i force my children to conform to her social rules - probably b/c i look young and my children were chatty on the morning metro, which is usually as quiet and moody as a morgue.

Last weekend we were waiting for the tram to go home, the children had just been on a 3 hour bus ride and were hungry and tired. DS was poking at and hit DD (she's 5 years older), I went to comfort DD and tried to help her defuse her desire to hit him back. This woman watching the scene started yelling at DS and shook her fist at him and told him that she was going to hit him if he kept looking at her "like that" (the look was, i guess a look of shock and wonder). Then yelled at me that he was a spoiled brat because I didn't beat him for hitting his sister. No point in talking to these insane people.

ugh.

that's enough for tonight.

[CheapPearls]

I can only think of one time I've had a "you're a bad mom" type comment and it wasn't even made to me, but rather my friend.

I was visiting my best friend who at the time was living with her DH and his parents. It was November so just starting to be really cold at night but fairly okay during the day if you had a light jacket on. I wasn't planning on staying as long as I did so when I left it was pretty darn cold. Ds#1 was 8 months old at the time and he had on jeans, a shirt and a zip up sweater, which was fine for when the sun was out but when we left it was cold and windy. I had to walk a whole 10 feet to get to the car and held him close to me.

Later my friend told me that once I left her MIL told her that she wouldn't be surprised if ds died of pneumonia before winter was over. I mean seriously?! It's not like I had him in just a diaper and was going to be outside for 3 hours. I was just a little unprepaired once for the weather. Ds#1 did survive the winter without even getting a cold.

She is psycho anyway. She ended up actually attacking my friend screaming something about releasing the demons within her. :

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Originally Posted by LynnS6

My mom always said that when your kids are little, you have the grace to deal with the age child you have,

That is true. I could never tolerate teenagers until mine was a teen. I remember wishing the big kids would all get out of the McDonalds play place so my toddler could play in peace, then she WAS a big kid, and I felt differently. Now she is a teen, and I adore teenagers.

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Originally Posted by sphinx

Last weekend we were waiting for the tram to go home, the children had just been on a 3 hour bus ride and were hungry and tired. DS was poking at and hit DD (she's 5 years older), I went to comfort DD and tried to help her defuse her desire to hit him back. This woman watching the scene started yelling at DS and shook her fist at him and told him that she was going to hit him if he kept looking at her "like that" (the look was, i guess a look of shock and wonder). Then yelled at me that he was a spoiled brat because I didn't beat him for hitting his sister. No point in talking to these insane people.
.

THAT sounds like the kind of unbalanced person everybody should just walk away from. I wouldn't even have confronted her, I would just get far away from her.

That's too bad your kids had to experience that.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by sphinx

this topic... i could go on and on and on.

just yesterday a 60-something woman actually leaned over my body and pushed my (2.9 yo) son's shoulder and told him he had to sit on the metro seat, then started yelling at me b/c i let him stand -- *by the way - he had JUST stood up, i didn't have a chance to say a word to him before she reached out from behind me and pushed him. The fact was that she was watching him/me like a hawk to make sure i force my children to conform to her social rules - probably b/c i look young and my children were chatty on the morning metro, which is usually as quiet and moody as a morgue.

Last weekend we were waiting for the tram to go home, the children had just been on a 3 hour bus ride and were hungry and tired. DS was poking at and hit DD (she's 5 years older), I went to comfort DD and tried to help her defuse her desire to hit him back. This woman watching the scene started yelling at DS and shook her fist at him and told him that she was going to hit him if he kept looking at her "like that" (the look was, i guess a look of shock and wonder). Then yelled at me that he was a spoiled brat because I didn't beat him for hitting his sister. No point in talking to these insane people.

ugh.

that's enough for tonight.

Whoa! That's appalling! I can't imagine a stranger shaking their fist at my child. You are very calm, I seriously would probably have hit her.

[gcgirl]

What an odd thing to comment on. Kids DO get tired, so what?

It reminds me of our next-door neighbors who threatened to call the SPCA on us because we didn't walk our dog. A) He had a huge yard to play in and B) He was about 16 years old and suffering arthritis. Anytime we went on a walk we ended up carrying him back. People just have to get upset about something, I guess.

[mammal_mama]

And it's not always just older people who are negative and busybodies. Our neighbor's niece lives with her; I think she's about 13 and sometimes she comes over to play with my 7yo.

She's informed dd that "everytime I come to your house, I get sick -- even if i just play in the yard." So quit coming already! She's also told dd that "if you and your little sister keep playing in the water everyday, you're going to get pneumonia."

This chick may be somewhat influenced by her older relatives, although the ladies in that house are always polite to my face. The younger children who live in that house sometimes come and play, and are usually reprimanded when they come home wet or muddy.

IMO, it's pretty unrealistic to expect small children to play in a yard with a kiddie pool and tons of beautiful, gushy mud, and just stay out of it and keep clean -- but whatever floats your boat!:

The teenaged chick has informed dd that her little cousins get mosquito bites when they play in our yard. I don't see why they wouldn't! We get bitten, too. Big deal. It's part of summer and the outdoors. But we're certainly not forcing them to come over.

At first, when dd told me about all the cr@p this chick was dishing out, I wanted to scoop her out of my coop (with a poop scoop) and not have her back. But she doesn't come that often -- and she and dd enjoy playing together when she does come. Dd isn't too upset about any of it.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

...She's also told dd that "if you and your little sister keep playing in the water everyday, you're going to get pneumonia."

This chick may be somewhat influenced by her older relatives, although the ladies in that house are always polite to my face.

I suspect that she is very influenced by the adults in her family, and if so they are doing her the double disservice of not only filling her ears with judgemental messages about the neighbors and letting her embarrass herself by repeating them, but also hanging her out to dry by not having the guts to say the same things themselves.

I say this because I was the little prepubescent girl that put my foot in my mouth by repeating the (I realised too late) obnoxious, superior, judgemental things my parents told me about others. In my house it was a way of re-directing my questions instead of actually answering them: "can I play outside in the water?"... "No" ..."the neighbors are playing"..."that's nuts; they're going to get pneumonia; every time you go over there you get sick and ..." : Needless to say, it is something I have vowed not to repeat in my household.

Oh, and yeah, my parents would never have let on that those ideas had come from them; they played it innocent and acted embarassed by me instead. : :

[mammal_mama]

Well, the girl does seem to have some awareness that her comments are obnoxious. I mean, she says them to dd, not directly to me. Hmmm, maybe I should let her know I don't appreciate her bringing up these things to dd, and that if she has concerns about my parenting, then I'M the one she should talk to, not dd.

Maybe this will help her realize her comments are being passed on.