DH will never get it

[mjw2003]

Dh and I fought for a year after ds was born bc I refused to circ him. The other night he was saying how ds is always playing with himself and pulling back the foreskin. He says he still really hates that (he's not circ'ed) and that he *knows* that ds looks at him and wonders why they don't look the same.

I just have to ignore it, because it doesn't matter what I say, he'll never get it.

Do your intact boys ever ask why they don't "look" like daddy? I don't think ds wonders that, but dh thinks he does. How do you explain to your intact boy without offending your DH?

[Papai]

Your DH is projecting and upset about his own status.

Even though I'm intact, I never knew my father's status until after I had my son and he asked me if I'd had him circumcised. When I said no, he replied good, he's just like his father (me) and his grandfather (him).

It just was never an issue.

[A&A]

My intact ds is 5 and has never asked. Papai is right............your dh is really worried about himself, not his son. But of course he'll never admit to that.

[Daffodil]

I once asked my DP whether he ever spent much time looking at his father and comparing, and he said no, then casually mentioned, sort of as an afterthought, that from what he recalled, he didn't think his father was circumcised. DP himself is circumcised, so the two of them were different, but he apparently had barely given it a moment's thought.

[titania8]

maybe you can suggest that if your dh is so worried about your ds pysche that he restore his own foreskin. you know, so they can 'match'.

[Jenivere]

My son is almost 6 , has seen his daddy naked many times and has never said a thing. My dh is circ'd.

[DreamsInDigital]

My intact sons have never asked about daddy's penis, not ever. I agree with the previous poster that said he's projecting.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The only ones I know about that have wondered was about the hair not the way the penis looked. I do remember reading here that a mom said it came up in conversation with her older son and he said he just thought his dad kept his foreskin pulled back all the time. So it really isnt that big a deal.

[mamasophy]

Why all the concentration on one's penis?? Your dh's self image is that tied to his genitals??

[Fyrestorm]

Unfortunately, in order for your DH to see his son's penis as okay...he would need to see that his is not...we all know how men are about their parts...can you imagine a man having to admit to himself that his could have been better and someone took that option away from them?

Your Dh is between a rock and a hard place.

[fruitful womb]

My intact 4y ds doesn't care or even notice he is different than his older circumcised brother or his circumcised father. On the other hand, my older circumcised ds has noticed that he is different than his intact brothers. He resents his circumcised father for having him circumcised because daddy wanted his ds to look like him! He said he'll never do THAT to his ds's. The status doesn't change the loving relationship the children have with each other.

[Red Sonja]

To be honest, my DS is more concerned (well, maybe not concerned, but interested) by the fact that DD and I do not have a penis than the fact the his looks different than DH's.

DS' arms, legs, chest, everything looks different than DH's, there's no reason for him to specifically focus in on the difference in their penises.

[veganf]

Yes, our boys do wonder why they don't look like daddy. After his shower yesterday my oldest said "Wow Dada, your penis is BIG! Mine isn't that big!!" And we explained that it might be that big when he's a grownup. But no, no mention of the difference between circ'd Dada and intact boys, or the obvious hairyness.

They are more concerned over why Mama doesn't have a penis, and the oldest wonders why his younger brother's foreskin is much stretchier than his own, to which I answered "he plays with it a lot and pulls it like a piece of taffy, so it's longer" (not entirely true of course), and he says "Well, I'm going to play with mine then!"

[kldliam]

My son has never asked and he's showered with his dad lots. He is 6 now.
If he did ask, i'd tell him the truth. Daddy had part of his penis cut off when he was a baby. It was a bad mistake.

[Bm31]

I totally agree; it sounds more like a problem for your dh than your ds.

[MommytoB]

I would either suggest restoring and say it like if your concerned about him wondering about where your foreskin is how about you start restoring if you really want to be like him if he doesn't want to do that then when your son gets older i would suggest projecting a postive image on the foreskin because some men are so uncomfortable with not wanting to feel like they lack something might want to make their son's be miserable of the foreskin they do have

also ask if your dh knows if his father is circumcised he might be suprised that his father could have been intact and he was the one circumcised without consent depending how old he is any brothers -how many from eldest to youngest are they all circumcised -

I know alot of young boys thought their fathers were like them as in kept their foreskin folded back always and when the boys were retractable they woulld go see i got one just like daddy refering to he penis head

[MilkTrance]

I just asked DH whether he remembers what his Dad's penis looks like.

NOPE!

I could see that there possibly could be an issue between brothers who are close in age and who do not share the same circ. status.

[Microsoap]

Originally Posted by fruitful womb

My intact 4y ds doesn't care or even notice he is different than his older circumcised brother or his circumcised father. On the other hand, my older circumcised ds has noticed that he is different than his intact brothers. He resents his circumcised father for having him circumcised because daddy wanted his ds to look like him! He said he'll never do THAT to his ds's. The status doesn't change the loving relationship the children have with each other.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It says a lot about the wisdom and the compassion your son has. You can remove foreskin at 18, but you can't ever get it back if you had to removed.

[Fi.]

Originally Posted by MilkTrance

I just asked DH whether he remembers what his Dad's penis looks like.

NOPE!

That's how I got mine to start coming around too. I asked if he could tell me with 100% certainty what his dad's penis looks like. He couldn't and didn't want to and I said "Won't our son probably be the same?"

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by MilkTrance

I just asked DH whether he remembers what his Dad's penis looks like.

NOPE!

I could see that there possibly could be an issue between brothers who are close in age and who do not share the same circ. status.

Same thing here, DH doesn't know, doesn't care to know apparently. I do think that if he found out his dad was intact that DH would be even MORE upset about being circ'd.

My father was intact while he was alive. My brother honestly had NO CLUE! My brother was cut automatically after he was born. : Apparently, they didn't tell him because they didn't want to give him a "complex"...well, guess what happened then, my brother had two boys and had them cut to "match" him. :

Look what a lack of true, honest, open, communication brings....more and more cutting from those who are themselves cut.