What do I do with my 4 year old? Please Help!

[mimiharshe]

Cross Posting...

My dd is turning 4 in the next 2 wks. She is one of the sweetest, most beautiful children I know. She would give her whole self to anyone that needs it. My frustration lies in her behavior when she is tired or hungry or just being 4 I guess? It's the listening! UUUUGGGGHHH! I am tired of making excuses..."oh, she needs to eat" or "she needs more protein" or "she needs more sleep...she needs naps, no she doesn't, yes she does" or "she hasn't had enough physical activity", "she shouldn't have watched any tv today". :

I am wondering if she is just really really sensitive to food/sleep/physical activity patterns or how much of it is just HER (personality). What the heck do I do? : I love her so much and she is so sweet, but I also have a 2 year old and a baby coming in the next 3 weeks. Do I put her on a complete organic diet again with a routine of physical activity and sleep and no movies at all? or do I just lower my expectations and realize it's just her personality or somewhere in the middle. I wouldn't write this post if I didn't really need the help. I am so distraught over this. I don't believe in yelling and here I am screaming at her today b/c she is tired, but refuses to lay down. She is talking back to me. I'm so tired of constantly negotiating and making her happy...I just want her to listen sometimes!

Thanks for readying,
J

[quakerlady]

I slid blissfully through the terrible 2s (felt a bit smug, actually) only to run HARD into the fearsome 4s, which no one talks about nearly as much. It was like my daughter was a mini teenager with the self-control of a 2 year old, so we had defiance, tantrums, overwhelming emotions of all kinds, selective deafness, you name it. Only for me... she held it together at preschool just fine. Even Dad didn't get it as bad as I did.
My advice? Deep breaths, plenty of snacks, try not to take it personally, know that it will pass. It lasted about 2 months. ('Course, there's also 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 in your future but ignore that for now....)

[mimiharshe]

No she is almost 4...on the 5th of Sept. Her brother is 2 and the baby is due Sept. 14th. Her hearing has always been selective. We went through a clingy stage about 6 months ago. I have noticed in the past that if I do absolutely NO tv, complete natural/organic diet and tons of physical activity that it's better. Holy cow though. If she was my only child...no problem, but I am soooo tired, ya know? That's why lately I am wondering if I have to go back to being super strict with all that or if this is party just her and her age. She just wants to go, go, go all the time!

[veggiemomma]

I have a friend who has a 4 yo ds just like this. He is allergic to wheat, milk, and gluten. During the summer, when she can send him out in their fenced in yard to run, jump, kick, skip, etc, for about 10 hours out of the day, he is a sweet, precious, "well behaved" little guy. When the weather gets too cold for him to go outside all day, he is a ... well, somewhat of a terror. : I know from playdates with my ds, he is almost unbearable.

I think strict diet helps him a lot. I don't know if your dd has allergies or sensitivities, but I think probably that might be the key. Do you have room in your house for a little jungle gym, or somewhere to make a climbing wall type thing? Or one of those indoor basketball nets? Is it that she wants to be doing something all the time, or that she want's to be GOING somewhere all the time?

[rumi]

Do I put her on a complete organic diet again with a routine of physical activity and sleep and no movies at all?

sounds like we shoudl do more of this ....

[gilamama]

my 4 yo is similar she is allergic to wheat and lactose corn and soy. she also hasreactions to sugar. and cant handle alotof simple carbos orshe melts down. so i try to avoid them. do you have a yard you can go out in first think in the am? that sets a nice tone for the day sunshine fresh air good for the body and soul. and what about playdough instead of tv? good luck! i hear you sister!

[velochic]

Organic, probably not necessary (although definitely the best), but an all-natural diet might make a difference. My dd is 5 now. She maybe has had 2 meltdowns in her life, but she simply doesn't listen, pay attention, and goes along her merry way when she eats processed foods. Artificial colors and flavors are the worst. She also gets eczema from these foods... have you noticed any skin disorders?

[maya44]

Here's the thing. Many 4 year olds don't listen. They will negotiate til the cows come home, more for the engaging then the end result.

Here's what I would do:

1. Tell her things I want her to do

2. Explain why

3. Do not negotiate at the time I have made a demand that I want listened to.

4. If she fails to do it at first, repeat, standing near her with your hand gently on her shoulder making eye contact

5. IGNORE ALL BACKTALK

6. If she refuses to do it, state that you expect her to and give a very quick reiteration of why

7. If she still refuses, either give up, do it yourself or help her do it or otherwise.

8. Tell her you expect her to do it the next time.

9. If she does end up doing it, say "Thank you" and no complaining about how long it took her to do so.

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by velochic

but she simply doesn't listen, pay attention, and goes along her merry way when she eats processed foods. Artificial colors and flavors are the worst. She also gets eczema from these foods... have you noticed any skin disorders?

That's the thing...it's not meltdowns, it's the not listening...as if we aren't speaking at all! You know what, she does get a rash on her chest sometimes...i thought it was a heat rash, but maybe not!