How will you prepare older siblings?

[paphia]

So my dd will be 22 months old when the second child arrives. Yesterday I went out and bought her a little baby doll, which she carries around, hugs, kisses, drops, and then shoves when I put it near her while she is nursing.

I'm planning to birth at home and dd will likely be awake when the baby is born and can bond right away.

I don't know what else to do to help prepare her as she's going on 14 months and while she understands what we say to her, this is a pretty big abstraction. Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

[s_kristina]

My ds is going to be 29 months or so when this one is born and I don't plan to work too hard on getting him used to the idea beforehand. My dd on the other hand will be 6 and when I am showing more she will be told. I don't feel like having her teacher and entire class know right now so I'm not telling her at the moment. By the time I was this far along with ds we had told her. I think that was probably too early for her even at 3 because it took so long for the baby to come. The hospital ds was born at and this baby will be born at has older sibling classes. We might do that for dd just for fun, but I don't think ds is ready for them. He is already used to having an older sibling the big difference is this one will get to nurse first and sleep a lot.

[BensMom]

Hi Kristina! Another Nov05 mommy here!

Yeah, I have the same age kids as kristina. We are planning on telling DS once I am showing more (and since I am pretty fluffy, I can get away with it longer). I am considering finding out the gender just to help him get used to the idea better. With DD he had no idea what to expect, but now that he has been through it, I think it will help him get used to the idea if he can visualize a boy or girl.

For DD, we will probably start talking about it when DS finds out and with her, who knows how much she will get. She loves babies and her babydolls and *her* milkies, so who knows... Should be interesting.

I just dont think there is a lot to do to prepare, since even as adults, we have an idea of whats coming, but really...do we?

[Meksmama]

hi, I have a 3yo dd and we told her before anyone else. She is really excited. She has been telling people she wants both a boy and a girl.

I plan on reading to her books when we get closer re: what to expect at the birth. I really want her there while dh doesn't think its a good idea. So more than likely she will be there.

I also have been taking her my md appts and letting her watch so she knows what is happening.

[Jennisee]

My DD will be almost 4 when the new baby is born, so I don't think she'll have much trouble understanding. I asked last week if she wanted to have a brother or sister some day, she said, "A brother AND a sister." Then, I asked her if it would be nice to have a baby around, and she said yes. She loves playing with her baby dolls and wants to stop and see every baby she passes in public.

I think the biggest thing we'll have to deal with is making sure she doesn't feel neglected when the baby is born. I'll try to give her one-on-one time when I can, but DH and my in-laws will probably be doing a lot of the fun outings with her when the baby is newborn. We'll also try to include her in helping with the baby. She's very big into that "Mommy's helper" stage right now.

[snugglebutter]

My dd will be 29 months too. She loves taking care of her "babies" and nursing them. She is a little OCD about wrapping them in blankets though. Dh said today that we will have to keep an eye on her if the new baby likes to be swaddled. I want to get her a kiddie Hotsling in the same print as mine.

Two of my good friends are due in December with #3 and I think that seeing her friends having new baby siblings will help us start a few conversations.

[Ironica]

My son was there when I did the test ;-) so he knows. We've been talking about it for a while, though; his best friend at school has a relatively new baby brother, so we talked about that, and how (we hoped) someday he'd be a big brother, like V's a big sister. Another good friend of his is going to become a big sister in November, and that will probably also help to make it more concrete.

He's totally oblivious to gender so far, so that doesn't seem all that relevant to him, which is good since we don't plan to find out. ;-) The Grandparents asked if he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister, and he said he wanted "a fire baby" (he's been very into The Incredibles lately, and loves the Jack-Jack Attack special feature ;-). He gets that it's going to be "a long time" before the baby is born, too. And, since the baby is "in my tummy," he decided on his own that "it's going to get bigger and bigger and come out Mommy's butt!" which confused us at first, until we realized that food goes in your tummy and comes out your butt as poop. ;-)

He'll be about three months shy of his 4th birthday by April, so he should be in pretty good shape for it all.

[thomlynn]

Ours will be 22 months too. June 26.

Anyhow, I read somewhere that you don't talk about the baby until the last two months b/c they have no concept of time and if you start talking about it too early it really seems to take forever for it get here (and you thought that was just you right?? )

We're going to do the baby doll thing and I was planning on making some simple CDs and a sling for the baby doll. Probably have presents from the baby for dd and let dd pick out a present for baby from dd.

I was looking at the HB forum and there is a small thread on children. One lady said her dc was twenty something months and did great at a homebirth. They watched different birth videos and read books on childbirth. I would love her there, but I'm worried about scaring her. It's hard for me to imagine what she'll be like in nine months. We're playing it by ear and will make a decision when it gets much closer about if she's allowed to be there or not.

[sadiejane08]

My #2 was 19 months when #3 was born, and honestly, after 24 hours I think he'd forgotten he'd ever NOT had a baby sister. We didn't do much to prep him because he was so young; we knew his little brain couldn't really grasp what having a baby meant. So he knew about it, but he had no idea, if you follow me .

[3for3hb]

ds#1 was 21 months when ds#2 was born.
He went to all my midwife apts with me and watched my belly grow (he loved sitting my bump!!!). Last month or so I bought the book "Welcome with Love" (I think that's the title) on the TP. Great book with great illustrations about homebirth for kids. The wording was a little detailed and over his head so I just made up my own words as we looked at the picture. There is one page where the mom is naked (decently so... as in not like the bradley books or anything. it's really a beautifully illustrated book) and I think she's leaning on the dad or something. I talked a lot about how mommy may make noise and then we'd pretend we were in labor (I tend to vocalize when my body is pushing ). And then there are pics of the baby etc etc.
He caught on quickly. Even to the point of looking through the book himself and vocalizing at the labor page ("mommy.. ehhh... ahhh... uhhhh).
Right after Gabriel was born we brought the book out so he could make the connection and it was like a light bulb went off in his head.

Granted he was overtired (it was close to 10pm and he hadn't gone down for the night), overstimulated (a friend and her dd were there to occupy him... and absolute must!!! He would have been too needy that time of night and dh was in the birth tub with me), and he came in the room seconds after Gabriel was born and was a little disoriented too. But he came around quickly and kissed his new baby brother within minutes.

I also read him "I'm a big brother" that I got from Kmart and just made my own words up for the parts that didn't fit (they used bottles instead of breastfeeding etc).


sorry I wrote a volume here : but I worried about the same when I was pg with #2.

[s_kristina]

Originally Posted by BensMom

Hi Kristina! Another Nov05 mommy here!

Hey Jenn we would love an update in the Nov 05 thread in the toddler forum if you get the time.

[KariM]

It's pretty easy to prepare the 16 y/o! With DD (who turns 3 this Fri) we've started checking out books from the library and we've been talking about how we have a new baby who is growing inside mama's body. We tell her that the baby will grow and grow until springtime and then the baby will be born.

It was a great intro into talking about DD's homebirth and we can tell her how she was born and also how the new baby will be born.

I hope to eventually introduce her to some video as well - but that's later on in the game.