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Separation anxiety, fun extracurricular class, fear of the unknown... (3.75 yr old)  

post #1 of 7
8/26/07 at 12:13am
Thread Starter 
I have left my very happy sociable playful kid with friends and family with narry a blink of the eye "okay, mom, you can go now and I"ll stay and play!"

This same child is terrified of going to a new extracurricular activity this fall. We have never done anything like this before, but I signed him up for a kiddie dance class. He LOVES dancing and it's not like they're even learning to dance, they just jump around, do some stretches, practice skipping to the music, etc. The teacher is young and energetic but not "in your face"... but he wouldn't ever know any of that because he refused to get out of the car! The class was only 30 minutes long, but the entire time (after I dragged him inside the building saying he could just watch if he wanted to) he CLUNG to me like superglue and refused to look at anything or anyone. Then when it was time to leave and he hadn't done a single thing, he screamed and kicked and flailed and wailed that he wanted to stay and dance! : : :

So, granted this was only the first day of "class" and the little class only meets once each week... any suggestions on how to transition him into this so he can relax and start having some fun? I am soooo not looking forward to next week, I mostly dread a repeat performance dragging him in and then at the end having to drag him out again, screaming all the way.
The kicker is, once I get him in there on his own, I'm not supposed to stay and watch, parentts are supposed to leave. My first step is to disentangle my long limbed and very strong child and have him happily existing as a freestanding unit. Hmmmm.....

He seems happy and excited about going, but I think he's scared for some reason. Fear of the unknown, perhaps?

ANy and all suggestions welcome here. Thanks!
post #2 of 7
8/26/07 at 7:05am
Next time, try having someone else take him to the class ... someone he'd be happy to stay alone with in other circumstances. E.g., hire his favorite babysitter to take him to the class each week until he has 2 good classes.
post #3 of 7
8/26/07 at 1:03pm
pm-ing you!

our studio doesn't require moms to leave and invites them to join in if the kid is feeling shy...
post #4 of 7
8/26/07 at 2:13pm
Oh, I HATE that! I really really despise the going somewhere the kids like, them refusing to do anything or look, and then screaming when you have to leave. Grrr.... Can you tell we deal with that too? Mostly with my 2 yr old, but sometimes with my 3.75 yr old too. To be honest, I've dropped activities that consistently engendered that, just because I hate it so much. But I like the idea of someone else taking him. I'll have to try that. Although it's tricky, bc we don't have that many people around to do so.
post #5 of 7
8/26/07 at 2:17pm
Thread Starter 
Yep, I actually had DH napping with younger DS that day, and I"m soo glad I didn't have a baby to deal with on top of the freaking out preschooler. I can't think of anyone else who I could ask to take him and can't justify expense of paying a sitter (not like we have a regular sitter either) to try taking him. I think it's just one of those things we may have to do it a bunch of times and then one day *BANG* he'll jump in the car, run into the class and shoo me away saying "go, mom, I'm fine!" and life will go on. (keeping my fingers crossed for that, anyway)

Thanks for the responses and PM.
post #6 of 7
8/27/07 at 11:56am

well

this may or may not work, but my dd used to only do well with massive transition preparation, but sometimes i noticed as she got older it would backfire if i told her, this is what we're going to do next, and tell her about it. Used to be this would HELP prepare her, and then it completely changed and it started to result in her freaking out because she felt some kind of stress or pressure. so then we stopped telling her anything about what we were doing, and just took her places. since your ds has been to that place once, he may remember that is what it is when you get there, or maybe not since he didn't go in. but next time, i'd just say, ok time to go, we have to go now, and put him in the car and take him there, and go in, thus skipping past the anxiety of going to an activity, it's just BOOM he's there. sometimes my dd requires this, and usually we didn't know until it was too late. LOL. but now i kind of feel out what her general mood is that day and work with that. good luck! i know it's very frustrating!:
post #7 of 7
8/27/07 at 5:28pm
Thread Starter 
That's funny. That has worked for us to on occasion. Sometimes lots of advance prep is necessary to be happy, sometimes a total and complete surprise works wonders.

DS seems to remember things well based on past experience. So if he meets someone for the first time and has a great experience, he's really excited about meeting them again. If he has a rotten first impression, he tends to recreate the same scene the second time too, even if it's a whole new day. SO I know he will recognize the place again, my best hope is that there are at least one or two other kids there that he bonds with, that will make a HUGE difference. He's such an outgoing gregarious person, I was quite surprised how resistant he was to even going in the building.

So if anyone here is in the Chapel Hill/Durham NC area and wants to take Irish dance classes for 3-4 year olds, please let me know ASAP!
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Mothering › Forums › Parenting › Ages and Stages › The Childhood Years › Separation anxiety, fun extracurricular class, fear of the unknown... (3.75 yr old)