Raising your spirited child...

[mamaofthree]

Anyone want to join up and make a support group and do sort of an on-line workshopish sort of thing?

I am a mama of 5 (my user name is a misnomer now. LOL), and I have a very spirited child... my 5 year old soon to be six, and my 3 year old is at least border line spirited (LOL).

I have the book by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka "Raising your spirited child" and have been reading it, not to far into at the moment as it is hard to find time to get to read it and focus.

Anyway, one of the activities she suggests is writing down all the "labels" that your child has that are bad IE bossy, nosy, wild, etc and then try to find the possative twist to them... IE In charge, curious, energetic etc.

I thought mybe this would be a great place to start.. to help us see our kid(s) in a better light.

ds#2
1. noisy---- zestful
2.wild--- full of enegry
3.emotional---(anyone?? idea)
4.impatient----compelling
5.picky--- selective
6.fussy---(anyone idea??)
7.unpredictable---flexible

You don't have to have this many, or you can have more...


H

[hippymomma69]

I'd have to think longer about the labels for my DD but I had some suggestions on what you put...

3 emotional - full of feeling/deeply held feelings

6 fussy - not afraid to let you know when she's bothered by something

hth
I'll think some more about my DD
peace,
robyn

[mamaofthree]

great! thanks

h

nak

[milkmamma]

I just started reading this book, it describes my son perfectly. Hopefully it will help me out with helping him out. We just had a second child in may and since july our DS has been throwing temper tantrums daily. I am so at my wits end and frustrated and upset and feel like a failure as a mom because of this behavior, I feel like I can't handle having the two of them. This book is really helping me. Its good to know its not me and that my son isn't having psychotic episodes, he's just spirited. Phew.

[phathui5]

whiny- expressive
crazy- energetic

[AdInAZ]

demanding -- proactive
controlling -- a leader
stubborn -- persistent

[AnnaLaughs]

I'm going to bed now (should have went a long time ago: ) but I will be back. I have a spirited 4yo DD and it has become much harder to handle since 4 month old DS was born. The book has helped but I need to vent/get suggestions/ not feel so alone. I'll check back in.
Good night.

[mamaofthree]

Well, I just went thru some of the tests... ds#2 is spirited and an extrovert and I am spirited and an introvert. LOL It is now 11:45pm and the boy is still up wanting me to talk to, but I am desperate for some alone time.
He needs me to charge him up, but some days all I have is enough for me.
I really hate the way I am parenting lately, I seem like I hate it (at least that is the way it feels like I am acting) I want to love it, and I want it to appear that way too.

Goodnight mamas!

H

[hippymomma69]

sensory seeking = tactily (sp?) gifted
stubborn = knows her own mind
rigid = not easily swayed
controlling = attentive to detail
nudist = body confident
language delayed = efficient with words
short attention span = aware of her environment

thanks, that was theraputic for me! LOL
peace,
robyn

[MammaKoz]

nak...

Originally Posted by mamaofthree

3.emotional---(anyone?? idea

3. emotional = passionate! :

I think this is a great idea! I'll be back to add more when the kids are settled...

[dajones]

Great thread my DS definately fits this category, I will be checking for more ideas.

[purposefulmother]

Oh, I am so glad that some of you all are reading this book -- it has been a sanity saver for my "exuberant" 5 year old.

Here are some of the ways we have recast our dd:

She's so demanding ----> She has high expectations
She's whiny --------> She's got a flair for drama
She's bossy --------> She likes to organize groups
She's so emotional ----> She really experiences "the now"
She's excitable ----> She has a lot of enthusiasm


Js

[sciencemommy]

Spirited child- you're not alone

Mamaofthree- my wonderful, challenging, maddenning ds drives us absolutely crazy much of the time. I only have two kids- ds is 4 and dd is 2; but ds counts as two kids. I hope you are maintaining your sanity. I would love to chat with other moms going through the roller coaster ride that is having a spirited, or "highly sensitive" child. Just when we think we have a handle on things, we go through another bad few weeks with ds.

My 2 year old dd gets little to no attention b/c ds takes SO much time. We are trying very hard to work with his personality, but this means little time for dd. Most of the time, we feel we are horrible parents, spoiling our son, ignoring our dd....Not to mention the looks from people when we are in public and ds has a meltdown. Ds also was just asked, well told, to move from his classroom to another one in his preschool b/c he was too difficult for the teachers. This is a Montessori school too. I waver b/w seeking psychological therapy for him and just loving him for being the little guy that he is. Would love to hear experiences from other parents of spirited kids- just to make me feel better Are these spirited kids usually boys???

[purposefulmother]

Are these spirited kids usually boys???

mine isn't. My ds was a handful as a toddler to be sure, but is a calm, peaceful child now. My dd is heck on wheels.

Js

[momtoS]

I would LOVE to join you! My DD1 has always been a hand full. Now that I have DD2 (a quiet, smiling, passive baby so far) people always comment on the big difference.
As for labels I would need help. She is demanding, a very picky eater, loves being nude, an excellent memory, loves to get dirty (plays in dirt, with bugs, with POOP).
I will start reading the book and hope I can keep up ( I am also trying to become a LLL leader!)

[LovinLiviLou]

Can I join? I just got the book, and just finished the tests/personality assessments. The big eye opener for me was that it isn't just about my DD's personality (15 mos). It's her personality in combination with mine/my husband's. My older daughter (4) is very much like my personality, but this new little bundle of spirited joy (working on those new labels!) is quite the opposite of all of us.

So far the book has also made me realize that, even at 15 mos, I think she is much more extroverted than the rest of us, and I think we aren't doing enough to fill that side of her needs (I think she is also a bit on the sensory seeking side). It's a funny cycle - she does so much better out in public, but I can rarely bring myself to leave the house with both kids if I don't have to because it's so hard to get out the door with her independent ideas on what needs to be happening!

Anyhoo, look forward to hearing more from others!

[AdInAZ]

Well, I ordered the book today. Its about time I read it. I've heard it recommended many times.

Oh... and my spirited child is a girl.

[nhplantlady]

I was just about to order No Cry Sleep Solution for DS (child #2) and now will have to add this book to the list for DD (child #1). I have a friend who works at a daycare and does the 2 year old room with one other adult (14 kids) and she said (after visiting us for an overnight) that my daughter is challenging. She does whatever she wants whenever she wants (within some reason)...I was just thinking tonight that I need to add more structure to her life and see if that might curb some of her tantrums that she has when she does not get her way.

I really like the idea of looking at her defects in a different light. Thanks so much for starting this thread.

[mylittlefiredancer]

I would like to join!!! I have a very spirited 2 year old and I want to learn how to give her structure and boundaries without stifling that spirit...

Nichole

:

[AdInAZ]

Ok... I need to work some more on renaming bothersome traits...

defiant -- independantly minded
exhausting -- full of life
dominating -- practicing her leadership skills
needy -- loving