Raising your spirited child... - Page 6

[beanma]

spritesmom, you might check out "the explosive child" book by ross greene. lots of good tips there and he really knows what you're talking about when you say tantrum! he has a website here -- http://www.ccps.info/, but i think the book is better than the website.

hth

[aran]

Originally Posted by Spritesmom

Mama's - we are desperate!! DD's (7) tantrums are getting out of our control. We cannot let her "safely" have them - she turns into an animal and I say that with the greatest of love for her - she is unintelligible so fast now that we don't have a chance of figuring out what she wants/needs.: She is not violent towards us or herself but she is heading in that direction. What "professional" do we take her to? And how do I make sure that "they" don't break her spirit? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

Haven't read the whole thread, but we have this problem. For me, it would have to get much worse before I would take DS1 to any "professional" for the very reason you state. When DS1 tantrums/screams/flails unintelligibly, our approach has been to get down to his level, acknowledge his frustration loudly enough so that he can hear, but nicely (something like, "you seem so frustrated! I want to help but I can't understand. I am ready to help but I need you to speak clearly in a normal voice so I can understand what happened"), and hold him until he expends all that wild energy and can speak again. Later when things are calm, we talk a lot about how to deal with frustration better. I am satisfied with this, and I think if we keep doing it, he'll eventually get the picture. I don't know if you could try this approach (or already have!) but just wanted to share. For DH and me the big challenge is to not get caught up in the emotional tidal wave, but just stay calm.

[pitchfork]

Hi Mamas,
I am so grateful to have found this thread I could cry. DS 21 mos hit's pretty much every trait on all the lists, is bright, but just can't turn off, body or mind. We eat an almost all org diet, with no processed foods (DH has food sensitivities) no artificial colors or anything like that. He does have goat yogurt...but I had never heard of the salycilates I will read up.

He also has "sensory issues", we are in early intervention because of them, although I have avoided an actual diagnoses, since we have the services and I want to avoid the labels.

It can take him up to 2 hours to fall asleep, and that is with both parents with him when possible, after a calming bedtime routine. 1.25 hours is average, kicking, jumping all the way. MyBabysSmile, do you do that routine AS bedtime, right before he falls asleep? I do some brushing (but DS doesn't like it much) and some joint compression, but not what you talk about with the ball, etc)

We have the LOW LOW tolerance for frustration, and we started seeing tantrums at 10 months when he could understand something and couldn't do it, like trying to fit a pot lid onto a pot that didn't quite fit. Some days the tantrums barely had 1/2 hour between them. He HATES clothing, diapers (we've ECed, partly because he couldn't stand them) and some days can't even get out of the house because of this. His persistence is the key, if I put the clothes on him even if he says no, he does not get over it, he screams and pulls at them until I take them off. I feel so permissive, when that happens, but I have to respect him, he will not settle for anything less, so we have to find a way to make what I need (ie to get dressed to get out of the house) acceptable. I usually have to make it fun, he's too intense and bright for distraction, he just catches on too quick.

I've read "Parenting your Spirited Child" and we're doing a lot of it, but still there are days I just cry from sheer exhaustion and from the horrible bad advice I get or advice I imagine people are thinking, it makes me feel so ALONE!

We're big believers in letting him have the tantrum, supporting him through the feelings, although I'm afraid he could really hurt himself arching backward into things, hitting or biting himself, and pulling out his hair by the clumps :. One thing I like that the PYSC book says is that spirited children sometimes need to be called back to reality from such strong explosions, because they can work themselves up to where they don't know how to stop. I remember feeling this way as a child.

Thanks for being there Mamas!

[MyBaby'sSmile]

Yes pitchfork, we did it immediately before bed. Most people advocate setting a calming routine for children, bath, books, bed etc. Baths wired ds up like you wouldn't believe. Then I read somewhere on MDC that children with SID actually need a bit of revving up before bed. Things like swinging (you make a swing with your arms by clasping hands together and dc sits on your hands), bouncing on the bed rigourously, and others that I can't recall at the moment. The ball bouncing was best for us because he was older and too big for arm swinging I put him in his jammies first and had him ready for bed. The first week I would do this as long as I had the energy to bounce him, so maybe 20 mins.? Then we did the joint compression while he sat on his bed and he helped me count to 10 for each section we worked on. Then in to bed for a couple of books. For him it really only took a couple of weeks and made a huge difference. Very quickly we stopped having to do it and then only did it once in a while if he was very hyper at bedtime.

The salicalytes that bother my son are found in apples, grapes, mangos, bananas and I'm guessing the preservatives found in Vit. A in some rice milks. Not sure about that one but one rice milk in particular really caused some issues here.

You sound like you are doing a great job. It is hard. Very hard. But I am very happy to say that we are seeing some huge, wonderful changes in ds! Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions!

[timneh_mom]

I haven't read the whole thread either (I'll work on that) but I just picked up the book from the library this week and when I was reading it, I kept saying, OMG, this is EXACTLY like DS!!! I thought it was just him, or us, or something... but to find out it's normal for some kids? And that there are other kids out there like DS? I couldn't believe it!!!

He is so intense and energetic, he resists change (especially if he has to end play or something he is really enjoying), he fights with DH all the time, presses his buttons, instead of crashing like "normal" kids, he gets more and more wound and it gets uglier and uglier til we stop him! As soon as we cuddle in bed with him, he's out like a light. Sleep has never been a favored activity and he used to be up for hours in the middle of the night when he was a baby.

It doesn't help that DD is 8 months old, I spent 4 months recovering from mono because she doesn't sleep either... I don't think I want any more kids because I just can't handle this any more!!! : I am always sick because I am always tired and I can't get any more sleep, it's really hard and some days I just want to quit...

[BeBe123]

Hi mamas! Just wanted to say that i'm so happy there's a thread like this! I have a very spirites DD. She's 3. It's good to know i'm not alone. Thats all.

[croleRN]

Hello mamas!!! Man do I need this thread. (Haven't read the whole thing yet)
DD is definately spirited. I was reading the 5 characteristics to my mom last night, and she couldn't believe how accurate it was for DD1. I guess what I have gotten so far is - I am excited to see how her strengths help her as she becomes older. I think she will be an amazing grown person. But I need to feel how to appreciate it more now. Four is rough anyway you look at it. But four with a spirited child is downright hairpulling at times.!!! I look forward to watching this thread!

[theirmomjayne]

I've wanted to read this book for the longest time.........will be watching this thread with interest.

[pauletoy]

I too have a spirited ds. I have read through this thread and the is just a wealth of information. Thanks so much for all of the useful tips.

[Peacemamalove]

Hi,
I just picked up the book today!! So far all I can say is WOW!! This is just like my DS!! Hopefully I can get a chance to read some of it this afternoon....

[kellykins]

:
OH mamas.
I am in the drained-worn-tired-run over by a truck feeling camp with my dd.
I started reading the book, got a few chapters in, but then found out they have an audio version and checked that out at the library... It was quite a while ago now, and I think I need to re-check it out.
I think I will post in another thread about my day so far, its a bit long winded... has alot to do with Katelyn either not listening or throwing herself on the floor into major tantrum land because I *need* her to listen and I make xyz happen, after several times of asking her not to.. and sometimes "barking" at her to not do xyz... (throwing food down when eating or dumping it all off the plate = scoop it up and get her down from her chair... climbing up the steep, rocky, dangerous hill while I am scooping dog poop (ew) = I come up and take her by the hand or pick her up if I can and get us both down the hill)

I am really trying... I want to allow her to make choices and let her express her apparently super intense need for independence, but there is a point when it comes down to it, I am mama, she is child, she needs to listen and follow what I say when she is doing things that are not acceptable, you know? I gotta admit, it really makes my blood boil and it (my lack of patience? temper? my own spirited-ness?) makes me bark/yell and sometimes be less than gentle when I am say, removing her from a situation.

Let me go back to the beginning of the thread and do some label changing...

wired ---> high energy
stubborn ---> ???
emotional/drama queen ---> someone else said passionate--excellent one!
I donno if independent is a "good" label or not? I guess it depends on the situation/mood?

I am really struggling with this. She is very very bright and has been a joy to be with most of the time - but lately all I can remember are "those" moments.

[Spritesmom]

I'm sooo glad to hear about the tantrums!!: (Sorry!!) I've been thinking that my DD (7) is the only one doing this at this age!!! We're finding that she is much easier to "handle" if she eats well. We go organic/natural as much as we can afford and try to avoid additives and preservatives. Red 40 is a killer!! Absolutely NO RED FOOD is permitted in this child!! Tantrums started at the beginning of this past summer. Sooo much fun!! Picked her up from camp and the minute she hit the car:... problem is now DS (10) has figured out that tantrums get a lot of attention so he's started. I WANT TO HAVE ONE!!! We've nipped DS's in the bud. He is still angry that DD gets too much attention - working on that. Taking DD to a PT next week. Two friends have had good results with this one so we are really, really hoping. One friends DD is in my DD's class and she is brushing her skin every two hours - don't know much about this - yet- but it is really helping. Problem is THE SCHOOL!!?! :She goes down to the nurse to do this and they want a "diagnosis" and want the school psychologist to "evaluate" her. The DD just needs to be in the bathroom for about 10 minutes. It works out she misses a little gym, a little recess and a little computer time. This is only for 30 days. If you are dealing with a private doctor, why is all that necessary? This child and mine are perfectly fine in school. Both get good grades and the teachers "like" them. What is the school going to do with the "evaluation"? No one wants their child labeled, especially when the school had no clue about these kids. Well- as usual - I'm loaded for bear. : We'll see next week.

[Spritesmom]

Mama's!! I've already posted this to the Tribe - check it out!! PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!Our session got moved to last night. This woman knows exactly what we are going through!!! She treats mainly Spirited/Active Alerts!! Why oh why don't the kids doc. know about this? Well - mine is going to now! 30 days, Mama's! Just 30 days! DD actually went to sleep AT 8:00!!! I mean she was out!! We've only done the Sleep Program tonight!! Needless to say - we are thrilled. Next session is Tuesday and she will "play" with DD as all the paperwork/history is done. We may get our sex life back after all!!::

[timneh_mom]

Bumping this!!