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Raising your spirited child... - Page 2

post #21 of 114
Ok! Got my book in the mail today. I'm off to start reading it, then maybe I'll be able to participate a little better. How is everyone else doing?
post #22 of 114
Thread Starter 
I just wanted to chime in and say hi.
I am going to be a tad busy for a few days, dh is having a hernia repair tomorrow am.
The ds#2 and ds#3 are feeding off the stress and making me completely mad : !

post #23 of 114
My nearly 6-year old DD is very spirited.

wild=energetic or exuberant
post #24 of 114
My will-be-3-in-November guy is very spirited. To the point of nearly driving me to tears sometimes. I don't really mind not having a partner around to help out most of the time but some days I really really do not think that I can go another five minutes as a single parent.

I ordered a few books on Thursday (hopefully will get them Monday) including a couple mentioned in this thread. I can't say that I'm GD but would love to be and have it work for us. Obviously what we're (I'm) doing isn't working well for us for the most part. My guy can be SUCH a sweetheart but the other side of that is not so pretty - BEYOND what I would call "normal" temperament.
post #25 of 114
Just started the book this past week, so I'm excited to find this thread. Our almost 3-year-old DS is very spirited. He makes us very tired. But he is so wonderful too. I do okay with his high energy level (most days), but I'm having lots of frustration with his aggression and defiance. I'll come back later and do the "look at it in a different light" exercise with some of his spirited traits.
post #26 of 114
Ok...I thought I had escaped this but # 4(22 mos) seems to be spirited. I know the books describe spirited children as being that way from birth but she was a relatively easy baby..she is just evolving into spiritedness if that's even possible, either way she is just absolutely WILD:

So she is very extroverted and I am too..this is good.

She runs, jumps, climbs, is not easily redirected, refuses to do anything other than the way she wants to, orders me where to walk, where to drive, where to sit. And she screams at me if I or anyone else refuses to do her bidding..yeah, she's not even 2 yet. I read the book last year when I first started to see the signs.

I am worn out from this kid...thank goodness my other 3 weren't spirited because had they been #4 wouldn't exist
post #27 of 114

can I join ya?? dd is 15 months

: spoiled--loved
clingy- loving
stubborn-she know's what she want's,so would that be intellegent?
post #28 of 114
Okay, I've got a 10yo DS who came out talking, I think! Reclassifying is a good idea...

Exhausting...cure for laziness?
Whiny....flair for the drama
post #29 of 114
relentless - deeply focused
restless - full of energy
stubborn - deeeeeply focused

..but hey - for today he is petting the dog "gently", kinda cool. The dog is not convinced yet
post #30 of 114
imahappymama had "feisty" in her sig - we used that a lot for our older one.

As a social worker in an orphanage in Honduras, I did lots of "relabeling" with our parents (kids of all ages and behaviors(bx) and challenges) and found that often "curious" was what described the child's bx...active often applied too.exploring...learning about her environment....relabeling helped when the parents could get there. Helps me too on "those" days.
post #31 of 114
As a social worker in an orphanage in Honduras

this wouldn't be Little Roses, would it??
post #32 of 114
Hi My dd, almost 4.5 years old, is a spirited introvert.
post #33 of 114
I'd like to join up. I have a very spirited almost 3 year old, and a 7-month old who is very high-energy (translated: refuses to take naps, wakes about 6 times a night). It has been so hard since the baby was born to deal with DD, especially with the lack of sleep . I need a good kick in the rear to help me be more positive with everything. I also think I need to re-read the book to help solidify some things in my head. DD is SO, SO smart and loving. I think her hardest trait is that she's very, very stubborn (knows her own mind? I guess I really don't see "stubborn" as being a derogatory term, I'm stubborn, too, and I think it's a good thing) and also smart. The negotiations almost never end around here. Giving her choices doesn't work. She KNOWS those aren't the only choices.
post #34 of 114
So glad to know I'm not alone. It is hard being a loving mom every day when so challenged by spirited children. I really need to let DH know that I need a break more often than I get them (almost never). Hopefully DS will start to wean soon.
post #35 of 114
It was this book that got me to realize that the behaviors that are difficult to deal with in children are behaviors that are really admired in adults. Anyone think of that?

I'll be following this thread if ya'll don't mind. About the only thing I was able to get out of that was being able to change my "labels" (and that did help some) before oldest ds tossed the book in the toilet.......literally.
post #36 of 114
Originally Posted by lilsishomemade View Post
About the only thing I was able to get out of that was being able to change my "labels" (and that did help some) before oldest ds tossed the book in the toilet.......literally.
Ha ha! I haven't read any farther than that either yet. I need to sneak a copy into my inlaws house. Dd was being her normal exhuberant self only more so because it was past bedtime and she hadn;t even had dinner yet (car broke down...long story) and my frustrated FIL asked if we ever spanked her. : It makes me feel a little embarrassed that she isn't more well behaved for her grandparents but also mad that everyone thinks spanking is the answer. Why can't we just accept the fact that she is a little wild (er...exhuberant) because of the lack of food and rest (and natural personality tendencies) and move on to remedy the situation?
post #37 of 114
my son is very spirited. But it makes me sad to think about him NOT being spirited. He is very extreme in his actions and reactions. He is very loving, but very sensitive. He can be aggressive, but not in a mean way...he's a big kid for his age, and doesn't know his size or strength. He's very passionate...you can already tell that at such a young age. While (to be completely honest) it can get to me at times, it's a great thing, really. We're very much alike in our personalities.
post #38 of 114
I started reading it and then stopped. I really should pick it up again.
post #39 of 114
Read the book several times, recommend it all of the time, and LOVED it. It helped me so much with my son and myself.

Some things that come to my mind:
Argues=always has an answer
Picky=knows what he wants
Wild=likes to have A LOT of fun

Another thing that has worked so well is sticking to what I say, not backing down on the consequences. It's OK to let them know you are not happy with their decision to not listen to you. They are still a good kid, but they need to work on making better decisions. I think that was key for me, to let him know he's a great, funny kid, but at times needs to think things through a little better. So we talk about it when the time-out is over.

I have family members too who tell me to spank him when he throws a tantrum. It breaks my heart to think that because your child has reached a breaking point or too many transitions or just plain frustrated they think it's OK to hit them for it. What the child needs is comforting and some time to wind down, a nap, food, the tags cut out of the shirts(I've had to cut all of the tags out), etc. Not to brag, but he is WAY better behaved than some of the kids in my family who have been spanked and the family has recognised that now.
post #40 of 114
Just got the book at the library the other day. My 10 month old has been spirited since birth (which is why I haven't had a chance to read the book until now .

I'm already dreading the holidays & our 2nd trip to visit my family since he was born. My nephew (who's just 7 months older than DS) is so delightfully chilled out. My guy couldn't be more different, so we were heaped with nasty criticism for being bad parents. Now here we are 7 months later and we're still the same parents and he's still the same little boy.

But this time I'll be ready for our critics. The relabeling really helps, but I have to work hard at convincing myself before trying to re-educate my relatives. Happy to have all your great lists to draw on. Looking forward to adding a few of my own soon.
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