DS (3) upset by loud noises - suggestions?

[veggiemomma]

My DS is such a sweet little boy. He does more than his share of loud playing, including yelling, running, growling, all the normal toddler sounds.

Here is the problem. When he is in a group of kids, if they get very noisy, he cries. I took them to McDonald's (I know, I know, but there is a play area inside there and it was 102 degrees here) the other day. There were probably 10 or 12 kids in there. One boy was hiding under a bench, and when other kids walked by, he growled like a bear and acted like he was going to "get" them. He did not even do this to my son (who was on the other side of the room), but my ds was so upset by it. He ran over to the boy and said "Don't do that. Please don't do that!" and started bawling and crying, "Mommy, ask him not to do that anymore!"

At story time, all the kids (who ds knows very well) got in a line to make a train. Of course, all the Thomas crazed little boys had to whistle and chuff at a volume that was a little extreme. DS ran off in the corner and cried. When I went over and picked him up, he was so upset he couldn't tell me what was wrong. When I asked him about it later, he said "They were just too loud."

Sometimes, too, in large groups of kids, he acts nervous and will start fiddling with his shirt tail. Shortly thereafter, he asks if we can leave.

I am wondering if this is just normal for some kids, or if this is something that should be cause for concern. Should I continue to take him to kid-crowded places, even though it makes him nervous, in hopes that it will help him get more used to it...or do I try to avoid those situations so that he doesn't feel uncomfortable and uneasy. It really is very hard for me to see him so upset, but I want to try to do what is best for him in the long run. Any advice would be appreciated.

[embers]

He does not like big groups *shrug*... maybe focus on a few good friends that he gets together with at quieter places (at home, their home, etc) and for quieter things (art, cooking, imagination play with a bit of direction, etc).

With my 4 year old, and IPOD was a dream come true. There is a way to adjust setting so that headphone volume stays at a single setting (that you can set), so we set his to very low. He wears it every time we are out, with his favorite music playing. It seems to help with other noises so much, large groups, and if something loud is happening (a child screaming, etc), he can press his hands against his ears and listen to music. It has been fantastic. He has an IPOD photo with about 30gigs of classic rock, electronic music, meditation music, folk music, and classical.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by veggiemomma

I am wondering if this is just normal for some kids, or if this is something that should be cause for concern. Should I continue to take him to kid-crowded places, even though it makes him nervous, in hopes that it will help him get more used to it...or do I try to avoid those situations so that he doesn't feel uncomfortable and uneasy. It really is very hard for me to see him so upset, but I want to try to do what is best for him in the long run. Any advice would be appreciated.

I would HIGHLY recommend the book "The Highly Sensitive Child" -- it's a great book about sensitive kids (physically and emotionally). There's a delicate balance between cocooning him and pushing him too hard. At 3, I would err on the side of cocooning him. His ability to handle this kind of situation will improve with age. Try out situations that you think he might like every once in a while and see. There's nothing wrong with not liking large groups, or loud noises.

He can only handle so much loud noise, so don't put him in situations where there is excessive noise if you can help it. When he does encounter loud noises, teach him to put his fingers in his ears and to come to you for reassurance.

If you find that his sensitivity to loud noises or other stimuli doesn't improve with age, and it begins to interfere with his ability to interact with his world, then I'd look into sensory integration disorder (sensory processing disorder). The Out of Sync Child is a good one for this. But for now, I'd just consider him sensitive and not worry too much. Both my children are very sensitive to loud noises. We just don't do many loud things.

[CarrieMF]

My youngest was like that from birth. When she went into playschool it was big adjustment to her. When they sang songs(not loud ones, but things like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) they had to take her out of the room because she was screaming. She was only going 1 day a week for 2 hours. When we'd go to the elementary school for assemblys(for her older sisters) she'd cover her ears, suck her fingers & sniff her clothes. other than the schools we didn't purposely take her into big crowds. She's 5 now & has adjusted ALOT though still prefers to not be in busy crowds, to be honest neither do I.lol

[urpedonmommy]

Don't worry

I think your son's behavior is entirely normal, and you shouldn't worry. My ds, now 4, had the exact same problem--sometimes even the fan in his room would be too loud for him, and he would cry until we shut it off. The behavior started at about two and a half years and intensified through his third year, and gradually diappeared. IMHO it is just a self protection reaction, at least for my ds. He is still a quiet and intense child, but noise no longer bothers him as it did before, and he is entirely normal in terms of his development. He just needed time to learn how to process overwhelming situations and cope with them.
My advice is to avoid loud, crowded and overwhelming situations as much as possible, and give him time.

[sweettalker]

I'm seconding "The Highly Sensitive Child". I read it in case I ended up having a HS child, since I am highly sensitive myself. To noise and light, especially, but to certain smells, textures, and other things as well. I think it's great that your son was able to express what it was that bothered him. Do you know if it's just noise or if it's also being around lots of other kids at once? IME, sensitivities can sometimes cause social anxiety, but at least among the folks I know, once they realized that the root issue was sensitivity, a lot of the social anxieties they felt went away.

A few observations that might help you in helping your child:

1) Everything seems worse in situations I can't control. If I can't escape the noise (e.g., in the midst of an audience giving thundering applause when I'm seated in the middle of a huge row of people), it makes me twice as sensitive. As adults, it's sometimes hard to remember that kids don't control much of their environment. So perhaps when you venture into noisier places (it's hard to avoid them), you could be sure to tell him that he can leave any time he wants to. [obviously once he starts school, this'll be tougher to accommodate, but his teachers might be able to help.

2) What is too loud (or too bright or too whatever) for me is often not even on other people's radar as noisy (bright, whatever).

3) Desensitizing myself --by exposing myself to noise, light, etc -- has never worked. I've tried over and over again, because it really is a gigantic pain to be this sensitive to stuff. Other highly sensitive people I know have gone through the same efforts, with similar results. If it's social anxiety that's the problem, that's a different issue and one I don't know much about. But if it's noise sensitivity, keep in mind that trying to desensitize him might not work.

You might find some other resources by Googling the phrases "Highly Sensitive Person" or "Highly Sensitive People" in quotation marks. I've found a lot of good resources that way myself -- and it helped me to appreciate the positive side of the sensitivities instead of just focusing on the PITA part.

[chann96]

He does sound a little sensory defensive to me and the recommended books are good ones to read. My daughter at 4 now is still extremely sensitive to certain sounds and bothered by loud noises in general. We have tried to mostly limit her exposure to the sounds that really set her off. We recently found a pair of headphones for her and that helps her some too. I was recently able to vacuum my house without my husband having to be home to hold her for the first time since she outgrew my sling a couple of years ago. She stayed on the opposite floor, behind a closed door, with her headphones on and was ok.

Now if this continues to be a problem for your son and seems to be interfering with his life then you might seek out an occupational therapist to help with it, but if it's not interfering then give him a little time and just try to shelter him from the noises. One thing that was hard for me to grasp for a while was that it's not just an emotional (not quite the correct word, but close) thing for her. The sounds are actually physically painful for her. Like how my ears would hurt if I stood next to a jet engine. I make sure to keep that in mind in how I deal with her reactions to noise.