How would you hanle this?

[Cativari]

My DD is almost 16 months old and is starting to get really demanding when it comes to things she wants. When she gets it she's happy when she doesn't she throws fits(screams, bites, thows things, just becomes generally distractive). I ignore these fits but it hasn't seemed to help. If I offer a distraction she refuses it (throws it or something). she also has started to intentionally spilling things like her drinks and food or the cat's. I just don't know what to do.

I know (or am at least pretty sure) that this is typical of a little one her age but I need some suggestions on how to deal with it. I'm at my wits end don't know what to do. I'm also 22.5 weeks preggo some it might be part of my frusteration with DD

TIA

[pradiata]

It's sounds like she is totally asserting herself! Ds is 4 now, and I can't remember all his stages perfectly, but it seems to me that around that age whenever he would really act out like that he either needed more attention from me, like he wasn't comfortable in some way (hot, cold, wet, tired, hungry, etc.) or was just plain overstimulated. And, of course, sometimes he just wanted what he wanted!

I think what worked best for us was either for me to just focus on him and be kind of quiet with him, or go outside and look at plants and rocks and let him soothe himself on the natural world.

Also, could she be trying to communicate more? Maybe having some frustrations there?

Good luck!

[Owachi]

When my 17 month old dd throws fits I just ignore her most of the time.....when her twin bro does it he bangs his head on the floor and walls, so I can't ignore him......usually if I start doing something really fun with the other one the other one will stop and join in......other times if I mimick my dd and do what she is doing she will stop and just stare at me, sometimes laugh, and then she will forget what she is doing and will start playing nicely again. I'll just lay on the ground and kick my feet and yell.......it's worked so far.

[Danaoc]

This seems like a good time to start offering choices. I agree with the poster that she is testing her assertiveness, which can be such a great personality trait in the long run. Choices would work in empowering her.

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by Cativari

My DD is almost 16 months old and is starting to get really demanding when it comes to things she wants. When she gets it she's happy when she doesn't she throws fits(screams, bites, thows things, just becomes generally distractive). I ignore these fits but it hasn't seemed to help. If I offer a distraction she refuses it (throws it or something). she also has started to intentionally spilling things like her drinks and food or the cat's. I just don't know what to do.

I know (or am at least pretty sure) that this is typical of a little one her age but I need some suggestions on how to deal with it. I'm at my wits end don't know what to do. I'm also 22.5 weeks preggo some it might be part of my frusteration with DD

TIA

This is totally a stage. I just ignore my son (15 mo) or sit down and few feet from him and start playing with something else. Son he comes over to see what is so interesting.
My son also like to spill things. At this age they are not doing it to make you angry but rather just for the experience of pouring something or the hilariousness of seeing your reaction. (Right now he dumps everything out) Easiest thing to do is just put the cat food where she cannot get it. Otherwise my son not only loves to dump it out but he even eats it. And maybe use sippy cups for awhile?

[HappieMama]

So sorry to hear your frustration!

Been there with my dd almost 3 and will get there again soon with lil' sis of 8 months. Sounds silly, but it's ok to have "adult" converation at this age. Face-to-face "Baby girl, this is NOT ok. If you need something let's get it, otherwise you can sit (in your crib, playpin, another safe area) until you are done" said in a firm but loving voice. When all subsides, make her feel the consequences of her actions ~ clean up the pets food/water, pickup the things she threw, etc.

We've done this with our first and she is amazingly vocal in her speech and communicating her needs for us. I'll admit, this won't always work. You know what's best for you and your family. Another possibility is what you said, it may just be your hormones, the changes going on in the house in preparation. . .could she feel a little left out? May be a good idea to start including her in preparations. Shopping, planning, decorating. Try to do even more with her than you normally would. Make her the special big sis.

When preparing for our second dd, we took our first to the doctor, for ultrasounds, explained the baby in mama's belly, let her hear the heart, showed her the baby's things in the house. . .etc. We made her feel extra special for the last few months, making sure to assure her of our love for her. ~ as a side note, this made the transition VERY easy! She was excited for the new baby to come home and has helped from day one!

Personally, I know a lot of people ignore, and that may work for them. But, there is something there that needs to be worked out or acknowledged. Initiate, if she doesn't respond, explain consequences of quite time, if no response, act on your "threat", then ignore until it subsides. Your child feels heard, gets her emotions out, and you don't have to worry about her further destruction if she's isolated.

Hope it helps.

[LynnS6]

I agree that it's a stage. (To be honest, this is a difficult age - old enough for extreme needs, too young to express them!)

Remember too that your job has changed now that she's a toddler. As babies, we're primed to stop crying at all costs -- a good thing. As toddlers however, our job is to help them deal with their developing powerful emotions.

Things that might help:
1. Teaching her some signs so that she can get her message across.
2. Focus on telling her what she CAN do, not what she can't. So, "put your bottom on the chair" works much better (and leads to less frustration) than "don't stand on the chair."
3. Label her what she wants and her emotions "you really wanted to play with mommy's knife. You sound very mad." then explain why it's not OK "knives are sharp, they can cut."
4. Ask if she wants a hug. This would simply make our ds madder, but our dd often responded well to that. So, it totally depends on the child.
5. If she won't take comfort or redirection, let her tantrum, but stay nearby. When she's done, offer a hug. (This worked even for our son!)

For spilling:
1. sippy cups or removing the cup when she spills - I used to say "when you spill/throw your food, it tells me you're done." Then I'd sign and say "done" to give them a way to express that. Then I'd have them help me clean up. Both of my kids (now 3 and 6) know EXACTLY how to clean up a spill, and are pretty good at going to get a towel and wiping it up.
2. Provide a safe place for her to do a lot of dumping and pouring. Set up some tubs with beans or rice (or water, if you don't mind the mess - that works well outside if you do). Give her some cups and let her go. Yes, it will make a bit of a mess, but kids need this sensory input and they NEED to pour.