Ack, my dd is becoming a bully!

[pibblestiltskin@ma]

She was never like this before, but lately has been acting like a bully and doing mean things - like making ds upset then laughing and teasing him. She completely shuts me out when I try to talk to her about it! Maybe she is nervous about the new school year, or upset about something else - but if that is the case I need to help her find a better way to deal with it. She is starting to just completely defy me at times like this when I ask her to stop. This is not acceptable.

How can I put an end to this if she won't open up to me? I have tried talking to her at the moment, also later when she is calmed down - I get nothing. It really saddens me to see her laughing after she makes her little brother cry :

[kbchavez]

I have no practical advice (I only have one child), but I read "Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort recently, and remember that there was some great stuff about dealing with sibling conflicts at the end of the book. Not addressing the behavior, so much, as getting to the bottom of the feelings of the aggressive child so they work them out in healthier ways.

[DBassett]

DS has been a bully since the baby came home from the hospital. That was a year ago and I haven't been able to get him to stop

[LynnS6]

How old is your dd? Some of what's appropriate depends on the age of the child.

I would also HIGHLY recommend the book "Playful Parenting" - it talks specifically about sibling bullying and how it's often a cry for PARENTAL connection - and it gives some great ideas for parental connection.

You might also find "How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen" helpful too.

I think you've probably hit the nail on the head when you say she's anxious - so what can you do to fill her needs? How can you help her feel secure? What is it that she loves to do? What kinds of games can help her connect?

If she hurts her brother, I'd matter of factly separate them, focus your attention on making sure her brother is OK and remind her of the rules. I suspect she's old enough to KNOW the rules and doesn't need a lecture.