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Mothers Raising Daughters - Page 3

post #41 of 51
"having a hard time reconciling how to be yourself vs. being a popular girl."





I find this is a key issue that gets more intense (in my experince) the olde


r they get. We homeschool but my dauhgter is aorund a lot of girls because she plays sports with the local high shcool and plays club volleyball. She is currently on a soccer team.
It goes back and forth for her. She recently met a frend who shares some of her intersts and actually gets along with many types of kids/sistuations. I think she often,espeiclaly lately realizes she would rather have a more intersting ,vared life. Also, some of the sutff that soem of her friends have rtried to be popular:durgs,sex,drinking,etc. she sees are destructive. She is 14.5. I encourage her to not have expcastations socially. She goes to movies with her 17 yea rold brother. We jsut spent 2 days in Orlando with the new friends, they went to Univerdal and to a concert and out to eat and shopping.
She is an introvert. So, jhaving one friend that she can do fun adventures with seems better lately than tons of kids who are only intersnted in confroming and exclulsing new kids annd adventures.:next week we are going to the fall festival with this family., is better than a lot of suprerfical stuff.
The cliques get really big in middle school/high shcool. I was proud of her that she chose not to go to a sleepover from her club volleyball team as she was too tired after the Orlando trip. She also went to a local movie with some kids she had not seen for a long time.
The key for us has been finding intersts and I know it wil be less frustrating for her once she can drive. Theis week,she has soccer,volleyball, private lessons chuch youth group,and family time with another family.
The popularity stuff often tends to be around designer clothers, cool gadgets, and putting other kids down. This ultimately is boring. She is a very action orinted type girl. It has taken a lot of support and intervention on my part to support her self acceptance.Sallie
post #42 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by smillerhouse View Post
The popularity stuff often tends to be around designer clothers, cool gadgets, and putting other kids down. This ultimately is boring. She is a very action orinted type girl. It has taken a lot of support and intervention on my part to support her self acceptance.Sallie

This is exactly the story around here. On the one hand they want to be unique and celebrate their weirdness, but on the other hand when the cool girls clique starts doggin them out for everything all they want to do is blend in, with me for a mom, that's difficult
post #43 of 51
I have two daughters 11 and 6. My 11 year old is a wonderful and caring girl who I have never had the slightest problem with until 5th grade started. Everyone is telling me that it is her age and all girls get nuts when they hit fifth grade, but I can't accept that. My current big issue is her bff who she is extremely devoted to despite that this little girl is often so mean to her and is not a great influence, but what do you do because they are bffs.

Anyone have any experience with preteen girls and friends?
post #44 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prane View Post
I have two daughters 11 and 6. My 11 year old is a wonderful and caring girl who I have never had the slightest problem with until 5th grade started. Everyone is telling me that it is her age and all girls get nuts when they hit fifth grade, but I can't accept that. My current big issue is her bff who she is extremely devoted to despite that this little girl is often so mean to her and is not a great influence, but what do you do because they are bffs.

Anyone have any experience with preteen girls and friends?
I know what you mean! It really starts to happen right around 5th grade, doesn't it?

I found success in inviting girls over for playdates that aren't "that way". That way, my DD was exposed to nicer girls and then when she went back to school she and her playdate friends started hanging out more.

I also suggest being really honest with your DD. Explain to her, in a nice way, that her BFF's behavior bothers you and why.

I wish you luck! This is a difficult age when it comes to friends, isn't it?
post #45 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by gradmama View Post
who are 9 (almost 10), 11, and 12. I never! feel like an adequate/good parent. I am doing my best (I never had any role models either, so its difficult to even begin to know what to do. Also, I was a teenager when I had them - a double-edged sword). Someone once said to me that we are going to f*** it up everyday when it comes to our kids and the sooner we get used to that, the easier we can be on ourselves. Sort of goes against my perfectionist/achiever instinct, but maybe it will help someone?
Dd1: an introvert, learning difficulties, sort of a conundrum to me, but really quite "good"
Dd2: athlete, extrovert, quick/bright, big sassy mouth!
DD3: extrovert, great with littler kids (mommy type), very defiant child, got F's because she didn't want to do the work/listen to her teacher

I don't know where I'm going with this......
Wow...you just described my 3 kids. Except my youngest is a boy. How is it that the whole birth-order personality thing is so off for me??
post #46 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by creeves1971 View Post
Wow...you just described my 3 kids. Except my youngest is a boy. How is it that the whole birth-order personality thing is so off for me??
I don't know about the whole birth-order thing....but I'm sort of glad somebody else understands my life.
post #47 of 51
I thought I had subbed to this thread a long time ago, but obviously I hadn't, and then I forgot about it until I stumbled across it today. I don't actually have any appropriately aged girls at the moment, but...
I raised my dsd since she was 12 and now she is 24 and she is still a big impact on our life. I have had custody of her dd (my dgd) for 2 months while dsd tries to get her life in order and get a handle on the fact that she is bipolar.

She is a lovely intelligent caring woman who has made and continues to make alot of poor choices. What is hard is her communication is very erratic. She realizes she has been very dependent on us (financially) and has requested some tough love. It is hard to have your child be homeless and destitute even when it is what they want. We also really don't have the means to keep supporting her unless she lives with us, which she doesn't want to do.

My 8yo dd has some 9yo friends who are all into pop culture which is driving me crazy. I know I need to prepare to be accepting of it, but I dread the day when it becomes important to dd. I admit part of my fear is that peer dramatics is part of what started the cycles and bad decisions that I still see in play in her dsd's life today (of course the same peers are in her life today- we tried to get her out of that town, but she went back without us). I'm struggling with accepting dd's attention challenges and moving to unschooling and allow her to bloom into her strengths without me hovering over her weaknesses

I love all three girls (dsd, dd, dgd)and there are times that I love the fact that those girls are the entirity of my life. Then there are times when I'm ready for dsd to be the self sufficient woman she wants to be, for dgd to be a wonderful grandchild that I can send home (isn't that the fun of grandkids- you can send them home), and dd to be more independently engaged unschooler so that I have some time and resources to pursue my own neglected interests and community/homesteady responsibilities.
post #48 of 51
I feel like I need this thread. With 3 daughters of different ages I am maxed out quite often. I listen to them yell at each other and say mean things... I also get to hear wonderful things and experience such devotion and love. My girls are all different as well. Hyper sensitive, emotional (we have so much crying in this house) stubborn, independent, loud (very loud) and it could go on and on.
I am great mother sometimes but then I also find myself acting like a 13yo emotionally sometimes. I am learning how to balance, achieve, create and appreciate the wonderful woman I am. The great job I do.....
But then the yelling starts. One yells and we all get caught up. We are all so connected.
I want to learn how to be better. To give my beautiful girls what they need. The tools to help them understand. They are so very special.

Maybe we can learn how.... maybe we can support each other in our roles as mothers and teachers.
I love being a mother to my lovely girls.
Thank you for this thread and the chance to share.
Rianna
post #49 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by rianna View Post
I feel like I need this thread. With 3 daughters of different ages I am maxed out quite often.I am great mother sometimes but then I also find myself acting like a 13yo emotionally sometimes. I am learning how to balance, achieve, create and appreciate the wonderful woman I am. The great job I do.....
I love being a mother to my lovely girls.
Thank you for this thread and the chance to share Rianna
I can surely relate my girls are 14,7,&2. It can be so tiresome trying to meet the needs of such different ages all at once. I love that each dc has had their infant time to themselves but I feel as though the others can get lost in the shuffle while I am focused on one of the others. It is nice to have found a thread where we are reminded of the importance of the work we are doing raising our girls. I am sure I will be back with more specific issues as the arise.
post #50 of 51
Here are some issues I feel I am dealing with my daughter who is nearly 15: Self-care issues,boundary issues, assertiveness issues, choosing /idenity issues,balancing taking care of oneself with sensitivty to others.
Today and this weekend she will e hanging with female friends -one tonight and one on Sat. who have in the past been very demanding and possessive of her. I am proud of her for telling each one what is and is not acceptable. I see a lot of growth with her in this regard. Sallie
post #51 of 51
rianna- I can definitely relate to feeling like you are an adolescent yourself, being caught up in their melodrama is exhausting.

slymama- The "lost in the shuffle", is part of why the challenges of my dsd and dgd is so hard on me. There are times when 8yo dd just needs to wait while I deal with the more pressing needs of the 2yo, and she likes being an only child, she makes it hard. On the other hand, the when the 2yo is simply being dragged around to activities that aren't really for her I feel guilty. Also I am ready to make my needs a priority. I feel I have lost myself and I really want to find that woman.

Sallie- having raised a 14 yo who is able to stand up for her boundaries and identity to demanding friends is really something to be proud of. It is hard enough as an adult and surely a rarity among teens. Way to go, I am trying to teach that to my dd, but only time will tell how much will stick.
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