inappropriate TV? WWYD? - Page 2

[LilyGrace]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

When it comes right down to it, I think it is a respect issue. He is not being respectful of my boundaries around TV, and I am not being very respectful about his desire for more TV freedom (although...my home is not a democracy. At 11 I do beleive I have the obligation to make some decisions for him) This issue has been going on for so long (at least a year) that sometimes I tune him out. I am so weary of it, it is a self presevation technique.

You're right, it is a respect issue on both ends. I don't think what he's asking for is too out of line.

He wants me to "check out" shows before I judge them - but seriously, I do not want to spend my scant free time watching violents, icky shows.

He has a very good point. Otherwise you're just going on hear-say and what the commercials show. If you did check them out, and told him exactly why you don't agree with him watching each how, that shows a higher level of respect for him than "do it because I say so". KWIM?

[mcng]

While we do restrict some stuff we dont do forbidden fruit, the more you restric those shows the more cool you r son is goint to think they are.

[enkmom]

I have only one clear-cut, non-negotiable subject in my home, and I just repeated as often as was necessary "I know that all your friends are doing this, but it goes against my values. Please respect my wishes on this." My son knows I gave the issue serious thought and knows I didn't just make up some random rule.

As far as television goes, I have never restricted television or books. We watch most television together, and discuss it in depth. Nine times out of ten they would rather draw or read a book.

[kate3]

Wow, I am so in the minority. I restrict TV on a regular basis, including hours watched per day. I feel there are so many other more productive things they could be doing instead of sitting in front of the TV: reading, playing with each other or friends, drawing, listening to music, and being outside on bikes, scooters, etc (weather permitting).

I have explained it this way: some shows are for children and some for adults. If I don't want them watching a certain show I say so and explain why (language, violence). It is the same reason I restrict internet access. Our "family" computer is in an open, common area so there is no unsupervised computer time. The same is true for the TV.

[polka hop]

*

[aniT]

Originally Posted by KermitMissesJim

Your reasons are sound. Stand firm, and don't let him wear you down. You are doing the best thing for him. And I would probably downgrade the satellite package.

Originally Posted by Kirsten

Reducing your cable to basic is probably good for the budget as well as ds issues. But we have basic and get CSI and Family Guy (never heard of that other one that you mentioned). So I'm not sure that would help with those.

I fail to understand how downgrading your package will help if all of these shows are on network TV and therefor available over the air with rabbit ears.

CSI and Prison Break are favorites in our house. DD watches all three of them. It is what sparked her interest in wanting to be a doctor. First she wanted to be a CSI. Then a coroner, then a surgeon, now she is not sure what type of doctor but she wants to go to Medical School.

I don't watch Prison Break but she watches it with dad.. and well no one in our house watches the family guy.. but it is my understanding that that is also on network TV.

Another part of the problem may be other kids. This might be why he wont let up on this issue. Everyone is probably talking about what happened on CSI, the Family Guy, Prison Break at school. Because you don't allow him to watch these shows, he can't participate in the conversation and feels left out. Maybe made fun of. Just something to think about.

[Alenushka]

well

as a aprent you deside what you elt him wathc,
My older DS is alsmot 12 and his is gifted nad read books above his grade levle. He like to watch law and Order with me stometim. and Waht Not To Wear. Ia m OK with it.
We let hima dn his yougner brother wathc Simpson and Futurama, but we do it togehter and tlak about things
CSI si way too grpahic and Fmaily Guy...well thing can be taken a wrong way, so, theya re ntoa llowed to wathc it
as fas as INternet, he work on my laptop in the living room so Ic an see where he goes. We said NO to Warcraft

[limabean]

At 11, I was very sensitive, and although I would have watched something like CSI and probably enjoyed it at the time, I would have been very disturbed by what I saw later -- a couple of episodes of that show have disturbed me even as an adult. I'm glad that my mom understood my sensitive nature and protected me from viewing such subjects when I was young, and I'll do the same for my kids.

[UnschoolnMa]

I think helping them stay safe from things they feel they aren't ready for is important too. I just think it can be done without prohibition and banning and me deciding for them, esp at that age.

[AbundantLife]

I prefer that my 13 year old not watch television shows with adult themes. He does like "Scrubs" but we limit that show. I think Family Guy is completely inappropriate for an 11 year old.

We did only have the basic cable package (basically just the local channels with Discovery and PBS) for almost a year. It really did cure the TV watching drones my kids had become.

We have the upgraded cable package now but they still really prefer Discovery and Nickelodeon.

[yogachick79]

This is a very interesting thread and like a few others I think I am in the minority here. I DO limit what DD is able to watch based on content.

I know that there are girls in her class (3rd grade last year) who were watching things like Greys Anatomy and other shows that I would lable adult based on sex scenes, violence, etc and would discuss them amongst themselves. Honestly that is not a conversation that I am worried about her being left out of, I'd rather she was. We are open about anything and everything in our house, and DD and I talk freely, but I would much rather these things be on our terms than a forced issue by a TV show.

That said, yes I think this is a respect issue as well, and if you can find a good compromise than that would be great. But I guess I am old fashioned in my thinking that you are the mom and what you say goes... :

[warriorprincess]

We simply do not allow any "live" TV, DVD only (DH and I don't watch it either, except for The Simpsons from time to time). We have very few movies in our possession we don't let the kids watch.

[captivatedlife]

Posting before I read, don't :me!

I say, get rid of it. TV has an incredible impact on a person. Of course, I've been tv free for a year......

Violence begets violence. If he wants to watch violent shows, have him watch the news. There are so many other things for an 11 year old to watch. He's in 6th grade? I, personally, don't think it's appropriate.

And if you get rid of the packages, you'll save money!

[PikkuMyy]

We don't do "live" TV either, just DVDs. I grew up without any television set at all so it's easy for me, and DH also likes not having TV. We choose to watch shows or movies, no advertising. We don't have kids yet but when we do, it will be the same. Then there's no arguing over shows except in the video store!

I'm down with a lot of nonrestricted things but this isn't one of them. I will definitely choose what my kids watch.

I think that KM has hit the nail on the head - the power struggle has to stop, and it's her that has to stop it. Personally, I would downgrade so that there are less TV options, and give your son a list of shows you are OK with him watching, and make sure that you fully discuss why you have not included some of the shows he wants to watch. Talk about why he wants to see them, and make sure he knows you understand that.

But don't argue about it any more.

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

although...my home is not a democracy. At 11 I do beleive I have the obligation to make some decisions for him

this is the key point. i would feel diferently if he were much older.

[UnschoolnMa]

I think that's why I stick out like a sore thumb here.

I do believe he should have a say in these things at age 11. Or even age 8. That's the difference in my family, and it's why I just can never relate in these situations.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I think that's why I stick out like a sore thumb here.

I do believe he should have a say in these things at age 11. Or even age 8. That's the difference in my family, and it's why I just can never relate in these situations.

Me neither. My 4.5 year old is remarkably good at judging what she does and doesn't want to watch. She loves things like Scrubs and Gray's Anatomy and House, but she's recently decided that she doesn't want to watch scary movies sometimes, and that's fine . . . it's her decision. Up until recently, she liked horror movies better than I do!

Unless there's some kind of behavior problem that can be traced back to the shows a kid is watching, I don't see any reason to restrict things. Seems like an unnecessary battle to choose.

[Decca]

Downgrading to basic cable isn't going to help here, particularly as the shows he wants to watch are all on network tv.

As for the argument that maybe all the other kids are watching these shows, maybe I am hopelessly uncool, but are you seriously saying that Prison Break is popular with tweens and parents are okay with that? I'm an adult and I get freaked out and disturbed by that show. There is no way in the world I would allow someone that young to watch it. No freaking way.

[orangefoot]

I'm reading this and thinking that if we switch 'TV' for 'book' what would the responses be?

Maybe you could not talk about it - either of you - for a week then sit down and have a discussion about your fears for him watching this stuff and his reasons for wanting to watch it.

My boys are like UnschoolnMa's and watch all kinds of stuff. We don't have a cable package just what's called freeview but we can still watch a lot of diiferent programmes. These guys would watch Scrubs 24/7 if they could and at 10 and 14 they are 'getting' more and more of the jokes. They could watch CSI if they wanted but they aren't interested in it. We control their tv watching by making them go to bed between 9 and 10pm.

[karina5]

Originally Posted by kate3

Wow, I am so in the minority. I restrict TV on a regular basis, including hours watched per day. I feel there are so many other more productive things they could be doing instead of sitting in front of the TV: reading, playing with each other or friends, drawing, listening to music, and being outside on bikes, scooters, etc (weather permitting).

I have explained it this way: some shows are for children and some for adults. If I don't want them watching a certain show I say so and explain why (language, violence). It is the same reason I restrict internet access. Our "family" computer is in an open, common area so there is no unsupervised computer time. The same is true for the TV.

This is what I will plan on doing. I won't let my kid watch violent shows when he is 11. I don't think it will change him, but I don't see how it's positive, either.

And we already don't allow nagging.

I also believe in good and open communication but unlike the way some believe on MDC, we are the parents, he is the kid, and the parents have some priveleges the kids don't, and the kids have some rules the parents don't. I know some people find that horrible, LOL.