School stuff squicking me out. - Page 7

[vbactivist]

If you are so sure that your child's teacher are sooo shallow and judgemental, why would you trust them with your child all day long at all?????

[Molliejo]

:

[MillingNome]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

If you are so sure that your child's teacher are sooo shallow and judgemental, why would you trust them with your child all day long at all?????

For me at least, it is not about trust. It is about respecting an individual's privacy. Only a sith thinks in absolutes. Just because I don't want them in my home does NOT mean I find them shallow or judgemental.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Meg Murry.

It's rude.
It's very difficult to be a "community" when someone ignores the rules of respect that need to exist between and among individuals within a community and assumes they have the right to dictate that they will visit you in your house when they want.

Sorry. Don't let the doorknob hit you too hard in the back.
I find it rude. I find it an invasion of privacy. I also find it potentially prejudicial. Here's what I mean: My DH and I both have excellent educations -- graduate degrees from a very selective private university.

Well, basically, that and five bucks will buy you coffee at Starbucks. Whoop-de-doo, in other words. Long story short, we live in a lower-class area of town, one not considered "nice." Our house, by the standards of the city we live in, is very small and modest. Our neighbors have untrimmed grass and the occasional car on the lawn.

We chose this house and chose to live modestly out of our own convictions of what was appropriate and affordable for us and I am not for one minute sorry that we're not living in a stucco McMansion. However, what would embarrass me would be the judgment of someone else and far more importantly, how that judgment would affect how she would treat my child. I don't think I need to paint anyone a picture about how rich, middle, lower-middle, and poor people are treated differently in this society, do I?

Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone

For me at least, it is not about trust. It is about respecting an individual's privacy. Only a sith thinks in absolutes. Just because I don't want them in my home does NOT mean I find them shallow or judgemental.

I was referring to posts like the one ablve yours.

And again, why would you hand over your 5 year old to someone you wouldn't want in your home. I cannot wrap my mind around that one.

I am not a sith, BTW.

[Penelope]

Originally Posted by Meg Murry.

It's rude.
Well, basically, that and five bucks will buy you coffee at Starbucks. Whoop-de-doo, in other words. Long story short, we live in a lower-class area of town, one not considered "nice." Our house, by the standards of the city we live in, is very small and modest. Our neighbors have untrimmed grass and the occasional car on the lawn.

We chose this house and chose to live modestly out of our own convictions of what was appropriate and affordable for us and I am not for one minute sorry that we're not living in a stucco McMansion. However, what would embarrass me would be the judgment of someone else and far more importantly, how that judgment would affect how she would treat my child. I don't think I need to paint anyone a picture about how rich, middle, lower-middle, and poor people are treated differently in this society, do I?

I hear this, completely. Our home is comfortable, safe and cozy, and sometimes clean, but costs about a third of the houses that many of dd's classmates live in. I wouldn't be embarassed to have her teacher visit - provided I had enough warning to clean first - but I would certainly be aware of the differences between my (again, perfectly fine, but not fancy) home and other homes the teacher might visit.

[MillingNome]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

I am not a sith, BTW.

No, no- of course you are not I apologize for the inferenace (and my spelling!).


Not to speak for MegMurry, it appears she stated three main reasons why:

I find it rude. I find it an invasion of privacy. I also find it potentially prejudicial.

And as I think it about it, this all about "getting to know" the child and family. Therefore its desired outcome is to form opinions on your family and child.

[SusanElizabeth]

We had home visits in Kindergarten and first grade for both of my two daughters. So it was a total of four visits.

I went along with it. I have to admit that I went crazy cleaning before they came. I had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it was nice and very personal (it was a kind of "bonding" experience and I spent more time talking to the teacher one-on-one than I would ordinarily.) On the other hand, I did wonder whether they were making mental notes about the kind of homes that kids lived in. I felt a little weird when one teacher commented that he was "glad to see there were a lot of books in our home" just because, even though it was meant as a compliment, I did feel a little bit judged.

[phathui5]

Can you not see how it can be considered by some an invasion of privacy and a hardship if they have to take time off work

I don't see why the teacher wouldn't/shouldn't work around the parents' work schedule. If my kids went to school, I could see having the teacher over for dinner.

[Potty Diva]

I think it's a wonderful idea.

As a future teacher I would like to make home visits to get to know my students and their parents better. I also want parents to know they are not alone in raising their child. I want to be a partner with parents so we can work together.

BUT, there is NO way I would go into the home of students if my employer thought it was a good way to spy. I'd quit before I did that.

[onlyzombiecat]

I haven't heard of this being done in my area.
I wouldn't necessarily mind a home visit from a teacher. I would mind very much being told they were required to come and would be taking pictures.

[Elyra]

Well, again thank you for the different perspectives.

I just typed out like a 10 paragraph response that of course got eaten. : : :



Well the gist of it is, yes, *I* could probably decline based on the former year's relationship. However, it's not *me* and *my* family I am super concerned about the home visit not being good thing. I really do care very much for my community on a whole, and I don't like to see anyone be put in a position of hardship, like missing a paid work day, to jump through hoops the school wants to impose on everyone.

Also, I think teachers are great. This is not something I think the teachers all sat around and thought of to impose upon people. I think it is a new thing the district is doing, and it probably makes a lot of unnecessary work and headaches for the teachers.

This school schedules everything for you and sends home a not with the time and date you will show up. If that time and date doesn't work for you they give you some pre scheduled option and you must make one of those work. Say if Fri is good for you, but they are only doing things Mon, Wed, and Thurs, you must accept and make something work on one of those days. You sign some kind of parent/student/teacher agreement in the student handbook at the beginning of the year saying that as a parent you will participate in your child's education and I am not sure what would happen if you don't (I can't imagine not) but you do sign a *contract* about it.

Again, I don't really mind the teachers coming over, I planned on having them to ds's birthday party anyway, but I loathe the intrusive way they are doing it.

I love the optional meetings that a few of you have talked about.

[Krystal323]

well, i would be seriously uncomfortable with the whole thing, but then again, we homeschool If my kids were in PS, i would go along with it, but i'd be nervous about the way that teacher would percieve me and my family based on assumptions made from the neighborhood we live in, the stuff we have, etc etc.

People can't help but make judgments like that, and while there's a great chance that teacher is a good person with good intentions, there's always the off chance they're a <ua violation> and bent on stirring up trouble. this is a new year's teacher, so a total stranger as of yet.

interesting opinions all around... :

[Oh the Irony]

Invasion of privacy. And putting pictures up in the classroom of different kid's houses is extremely insensitive.

[Rainbowbird]

Originally Posted by Penelope

I hear this, completely. Our home is comfortable, safe and cozy, and sometimes clean, but costs about a third of the houses that many of dd's classmates live in. I wouldn't be embarassed to have her teacher visit - provided I had enough warning to clean first - but I would certainly be aware of the differences between my (again, perfectly fine, but not fancy) home and other homes the teacher might visit.

As a teacher, from my perspective, personally I think your fear about being judged for lack of money is unfounded. I never visited my students' homes uninvited, but you know what? By the middle of Sept. I knew exactly where every kid stood economically, pretty much. Kids talk, and I knew that Janie had a movie theatre in her basement with a real popcorn machine, who had been to Europe for the summer, that Billy's dad had addiction issues, that so and so's father was never around, etc. etc. Then there is the free lunch voucher, which pretty much sums up a family's economic status in one little cardboard ticket.

You get a very clear picture, very early on, from what kids say, what parents say, from talking to parents and meeting them at school, etc.

A child's economic standing made no difference to me whatsoever in how I saw that child. There were rich parents who were incredibly unsupportive and who had serious entitlement issues. Then there were poor parents who got their kids to school on time, helped make sure the homework was done, and volunteered faithfully in my class. Guess who had my respect from the get-go? Teachers are not stupid, and they are not going to judge parents on how much money they make. They are more likely to judge parents on how they treat their children, conduct themselves, and how seriously they take the education of their children.

Parents hard on their luck who were ill, in trouble financially, working too many hours to volunteer at school, etc. but still clearly doing their darndest to raise their child well also had my support and compassion. Honestly I would say that the parents I had the most trouble relating to were those who had a lot of money and expected that it would buy them whatever they wanted--and expected to be treated differently or better than others because of it.

In fact I would say that a good teacher will vow to work even harder to help a child who may come from a disadvantaged background. Helping a child who may seem to be lacking in financial resources or support at home is a challenge that any teacher worth her salt is ready to take on. It is very easy to teach a child who comes from an educated, well-off background. Almost anyone can help a child like that! The real test of an educator's talent is helping EVERY child--esp. those who may seem to be at a disadvantage of any kind. It is kind of an unspoken badge of honor among teachers to be the one who helped THAT kid--the one that perhaps everyone thought was a lost cause.

That being said, helping EVERY child was my goal and I didn't care who their parents were. Maybe I just worked in really good school districts, but that is how my colleagues were, too.

Just want to add that I am in no way implying that anyone's child HERE is at ANY kind of disadvantage, financially or otherwise. Just making the point that teachers are, um, actually in the biz to help a child reach his or her fullest potential!!! Rich or poor!

[Rainbowbird]

Originally Posted by Elyra

You sign some kind of parent/student/teacher agreement in the student handbook at the beginning of the year saying that as a parent you will participate in your child's education and I am not sure what would happen if you don't (I can't imagine not) but you do sign a *contract* about it.

That type of contract is a good faith effort kind of thing. It just is supposed to get everyone off on the right foot (whether or not that is the right way to do it is debatable, of course..) and kind of get parents thinking about the school and their role in their child's education. It's not a "real" contract...just something to kind of bond parent and child and school together...

[Meg Murry.]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

If you are so sure that your child's teacher are sooo shallow and judgemental, why would you trust them with your child all day long at all?????

I don't.

[Meg Murry.]

Originally Posted by Penelope

I hear this, completely. Our home is comfortable, safe and cozy, and sometimes clean, but costs about a third of the houses that many of dd's classmates live in. I wouldn't be embarassed to have her teacher visit - provided I had enough warning to clean first - but I would certainly be aware of the differences between my (again, perfectly fine, but not fancy) home and other homes the teacher might visit.

Yes -- and for every five teachers I know who are nonjudgmental and kind, I know three who aren't. Odds are not good.

[Meg Murry.]

Originally Posted by SusanElizabeth

We had home visits in Kindergarten and first grade for both of my two daughters. So it was a total of four visits.

I went along with it. I have to admit that I went crazy cleaning before they came. I had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it was nice and very personal (it was a kind of "bonding" experience and I spent more time talking to the teacher one-on-one than I would ordinarily.) On the other hand, I did wonder whether they were making mental notes about the kind of homes that kids lived in. I felt a little weird when one teacher commented that he was "glad to see there were a lot of books in our home" just because, even though it was meant as a compliment, I did feel a little bit judged.

That's part of what I mean -- I appreciate the true story here. Hey, speaking as a human being, I'd doubtlessly be relieved/glad to see a home full of books because I know what impact that tends to have on a kid's future literacy. Sure, I might say to myself, "Hey, Meg, just because a family doesn't have a ton of books around doesn't mean that they're not loving, thoughtful, innovative, creative people with a lot to offer experientially," but it would be more intellectual than heartfelt. OF COURSE it would affect my perception of the child; how could it not? I assume other people are similar in this regard.

[Meg Murry.]

Originally Posted by Oh the Irony

Invasion of privacy. And putting pictures up in the classroom of different kid's houses is extremely insensitive.

Yep. I'm thinking of little McKenna's enormous bed shaped like a dollhouse in her 300-square-foot bedroom versus little Jake's used bunk bed in a small room he shares with his three brothers.

And BTW, what if you (in your house) have pictures of your wedding -- to someone of the same sex as yourself? What if you are Pagan and have an altar with an athamé and a lingam on it? I can think of other issues as well.

[mom de terre]

Originally Posted by Rainbowbird

That being said, helping EVERY child was my goal and I didn't care who their parents were. Maybe I just worked in really good school districts, but that is how my colleagues were, too.

What a great post, Rainbowbird. I love your location, too!

As a teacher, I really have seen the full spectrum of family dynamics. Believe me, a messy yard and a sinkful of dirty dishes aren't going to set off any alarm bells for me.

Furthermore, I'm a public school teacher, folks. It's not as though I'd be pulling up in my Ferrari to make snotty judgments about your family while dressed in a Chanel suit. My students mock my car!