Am I handling this right?

[cycle]

When ds & I go into a store that has all the candy and gum and stuff at kid's eye level, of course he notices it. We don't frequent these stores usually but yesterday we went to CVS to get a birthday card. There was a line at the register so we had to wait a couple of minutes so DS was checking out the candy and stuff. He would pick something up and show it to me and ask me what it was and put it back. He did this with about 20 things, if he put it back in the wrong spot I would ask him to put it back in the spot that he got it from, he would and I would thank him. He didn't mess displays up, he didn't open anything, everything was left as we found it. If he asked me if we could get it I would say no, thats not something we eat- or something like that.

There were a couple of people who were clearly annoyed by me "allowing" my child to explore the candy. I don't see the big deal...if we are somewhere that it is inappropriate for him to be touching things he holds my hand and stays next to me. In fact some people might think I am too rigid with him when we are in public; no running around in stores, stay in ours seats at a restaurant, etc.

I always think its cute, he truly doesn't know what the stuff is, he is really curious, I never buy it and he has never had any of it.

After writing this it seems pretty insignificant so I apologize but I'm still curious about what others would do.

[mackysmama]

I think it sounds just fine. I mean, he's just picking it up and looking at it. He's not smooshing it. He's not mouthing it. He's not sticking it in his pants. As for the people who are annoyed, let them be. It is no different then them picking up a bag of m&ms and then putting it back because they decided on the snickers. People are weird with kids - the expectations some people have of them are unrealistic even for adults.

[Danaoc]

I think that sounds great! And you actually sparked an idea of letting my son explore the colors of packages and maybe lead him into games about that. We don't frequent those stores either, but it's everywhere now. I think it's horrid that stores do that - it's no wonder parents lose that battle when they're waiting in line with kids who can't resist.

[tm2840]

I'm probably overly concerned about "what others might think" and from your description it seems to me that you were handling this quite well.

My children occasionally pick up items from the checkout line then hang them back up, or set them on the display; I usually tell them what the item is. At this point they KNOW that a Hershey bar is chocolate and that it is GOOD, but our store recently started putting little "Altoid-like" containers of pet treats (Yip-Yaps or something) which caused no end of questioning on the part of my young ones!

[WhaleinGaloshes]

I pick up packaged food (like candy) and the store, examine it and put it back all the time. How could you read the labels if you didn't do that? I agree with mackysmom, we expect kids to follow rules that we don't follow ourselves.

[Ilovelife]

Yeah, some people are just rude and are somehow automatically irritated by children no matter how appropriately they behave. Maybe it's the "children should be seen but not heard" sort of thinking? Ignore them. Enjoy your son.

[wannabe]

I'd handle it like you did. Often my daughter will hold something the whole time we're in a shop, then we put it back, because that's where it lives.

I'll bet those people would have frowned just as hard if he'd been doing anything else.

[nascarbebe]

I do stuff like that too. Adults forget how exciting the world can be at this age. I've had older people straight up try to correct my parenting skills and it hurts my feelings but now I'm used to it. I think what you're doing is a great way to teach your little one that he can like things but he's not necessarily going to get it. DS knows what candy bars are so there's no putting it back once he gets his little paws on it so I try to avoid him touching those at all costs. Oh one thing I do to sort of remind people around us why he's so interested is I say things like, "yeah it's shiny and has cool colors, doesn't it?" That usually gets smiles.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by mackysmama

I think it sounds just fine. I mean, he's just picking it up and looking at it. He's not smooshing it. He's not mouthing it. He's not sticking it in his pants. As for the people who are annoyed, let them be. It is no different then them picking up a bag of m&ms and then putting it back because they decided on the snickers. People are weird with kids - the expectations some people have of them are unrealistic even for adults.

:
I think you have a great way of handling it!

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by cycle

There were a couple of people who were clearly annoyed by me "allowing" my child to explore the candy. I don't see the big deal...if we are somewhere that it is inappropriate for him to be touching things he holds my hand and stays next to me. In fact some people might think I am too rigid with him when we are in public; no running around in stores, stay in ours seats at a restaurant, etc.

First let me state that I think you are fine and handled it very well. It also sounds like your dc is very well-behaved in stores!

I wanted to provide a possible different perspective. I'm not sure what the other people who were "clearly annoyed" did to let you know that. I myself would not like to see anyone, child or adult, picking up and putting back all the candy on the shelf. This makes no sense I know, but it's just the way I am. If I had been there you probably would have seen a frown or disapproving expression on my face. This is my own quirk and NOT because I don't think you should allow the child to do it kwim? If I were buying candy right behind you I would probably select candy from behind on the shelf, and that might make you feel bad if you saw me, which would not be my intent at all. People just have their own little things that bug them. I know this is mine so I certainly would not say anything to you. I hope none of the people around you actually said anything - that would be out of line I think.

[hubris]

Originally Posted by easy_goer

I pick up packaged food (like candy) and the store, examine it and put it back all the time. How could you read the labels if you didn't do that? I agree with mackysmom, we expect kids to follow rules that we don't follow ourselves.

Definitely! How many packages have I picked up that I didn't end up buying?

Some adults have the idea that children's behavior must be *controlled* all the time. They're constantly saying no and preventing kids from doing things or correcting them, without actually stopping to think about whether there is a good reason for their commands. I know that feeling of discomfort when somebody comments or stares, but honestly, I'm proud of myself for challenging my own inner controlling parent, and I don't freaking care if other people approve. I'm teaching my children to think about what they do, not do things just because somebody else thinks they should or shouldn't do something for no particular reason.

[maya44]

Originally Posted by hubris

Definitely! How many packages have I picked up that I didn't end up buying?

Not 20! I too must say that if an ADULT was picking up TWENTY packages of candy and putting them back I would be quite annoyed. I would only express this with a frown or a disaproving look.

Like a PP said, this is a quirk of mine.


So how did the other people express their disaproval?

[hubris]

Originally Posted by maya44

Not 20! I too must say that if an ADULT was picking up TWENTY packages of candy and putting them back I would be quite annoyed. I would only express this with a frown or a disaproving look.

While I'll allow you your quirk, why express your disapproval at all? It might not be something you would do, but assuming that the offender isn't melting the chocolate bars or otherwise destroying merchandise, who cares if their shopping method is different from yours?

And yeah, while I might not pick up 20 candy bars, you should see me browsing toilettries, or herbal teas, or craft supplies, or blank books, or something like that. I'm a chronic sniffer of soaps and candles.

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by hubris

While I'll allow you your quirk, why express your disapproval at all? It might not be something you would do, but assuming that the offender isn't melting the chocolate bars or otherwise destroying merchandise, who cares if their shopping method is different from yours?

And yeah, while I might not pick up 20 candy bars, you should see me browsing toilettries, or herbal teas, or craft supplies, or blank books, or something like that. I'm a chronic sniffer of soaps and candles.

How generous of you to allow maya her quirk! j/k

I cannot speak for maya, but I personally couldn't care less about different shopping methods. However, it annoys me when someone needlessly touches many products with no intention of buying them. Whether it is reasonable to be annoyed by this or not is irrelevant. The fact is I am and I am aware that would most likely show on my face. My point in my previous post was that the OP seemed to feel that other shoppers were disapproving of her parenting, and I was suggesting maybe that was not the case. My face would show disapproval even though I think she handled it just fine. The fact that her child's behavior happens to annoy me does not necessarily mean I think she should have put a stop to it.

[chicagomom]

Originally Posted by hubris

I'm a chronic sniffer of soaps and candles.

You're not the lady from Tampopo, are you?

This whole thread made me think of her...

[rainyday]

OP, it sounds like you handle it just perfectly. If you were letting him mangle the packages or stuff them back in random places or drop them on the floor, then I'd think maybe you should pay attention to others' disapproving looks. But if they have an issue with a child gently touching and admiring all those beautiful brightly colored things that he doesn't recognize, then that's their problem, not yours.

In those kinds of situations, I try to step back for a second and be sure that I really do think there's no problem. Sometimes, I'll decide that DS really is being a bit too loud for the situation or something, but either way, if I can try to look at the situation objectively, it helps me feel better that I'm handing it appropriately.

[kkeris]

I think its great, both you and your ds! DD does the same, I have no problem letting her touch and check out stuff as long as she doesnt spoil them in any way, and puts them back in the same place. People who have a problem with this have a problem only they can fix.

[blessed]

Dd likes to pick up the candy and sniff it, then put it back :. She'll only do a couple of packages though.

[rmzbm]

LOL, of course what he did is fine! I pick stuff up at the store all the time and then put it back! You did just fine. :

[cycle]

Thanks for all the replies! Nobody said anything but I could see a couple of looks...I tend to look like "don't f with me" I've been told, and if anyone had said anything I would have quickly squelched them. I was just a little surprised as he was being very careful (I told them they were breakable) and putting everything back exactly like it was.

I forgot in the first post to tell you that when we were leaving he picked up this candy that is in a bottle- have you guys seen it? - anyway he said "mommy look a baby bottle" - I said " yes, its a play bottle, not really for babies", he said "i don't have bottles, I have boobies, I like boobies" We just kept on walking out the store....