getting to the end of my rope

[Barbee]

this is probably just more of a vent than anything else. i'm a sahm and i love it. i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. sometimes however, i get to the end of my rope and i can't deal with ds anymore. i just put on a movie for him because i couldn't deal with his whining. there are several reasons why this isn't happening. my dh isn't very helpful in the day to day. he will take ds out for daddy/son days which is helpful, but in the house, he's mostly sitting at the computer reading, blogging... sometimes it's work, but mostly it's just his computer addiction. so, i'm pretty much alone a lot of the time. also, and this is really bothering me lately, ds is a night owl and lately hasn't been falling asleep until at least 11pm. i don't know how to change this. sometimes i think something is working and then he goes right back to staying up, and honestly, i feel really done by about 8pm. (if anyone knows the magic bullet for this problem, i would love it) i have little time to myself. he does take a nap in the afternoon, but this is usually when i have to catch up on chores around the house. ds is pretty needy too. he's very attached, which i know is normal and a good thing, but that feeling of being overtouched is sometimes so overwhelming. all day i hear him say "holdchu" (hold you) which i know i'm going to miss one day but sometimes when i need to do something.. ugh! so, this morning i'm at the end of my rope. i need more patience. i need to not get angry so easily. i need to remember that i'm going to miss him at this age. how do you mamas do it?

[SweetPotato]

I have no advice, just hugs. My dd is 2 weeks younger than your ds and it sounds like they're very similar right now. I, too, am glad to be home with her and lots her to bits, but it can be so mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. I'll be watching to see what great advice the other ladies give.

[mommy2abigail]

Wow, are we married to the same man?!? Actually, we did have a long conversation about it the other night, and he has been much more helpful lately. I just told him it put me off to see his lack of interaction with dd. And that she was suffering for it. He would get so frustrated because all she wanted was mommy, but he also wasn't trying to be more involved. This week has been better, and lo and behold, dd is actually seeking him out now! Could you talk to your dh? Just be really honest with him. Tell him you need to check out for an hour and he needs to step up. If all else fails, get out of the house for an hour when he gets home, and let him handle ds. Go grab some coffee and read a good book. Do this a few times a week. Or hire a sitter or mothers helper to give you a hand a few hours a week. I had a homeschooled 13 year old neighbor come and play with dd when I was first pregnant and sick and it was great! I was right there if dd needed me, but I didn't have to 'play' with her. Use your ds nap time to REST. Do something for you. And when hubby gets home, ask hom to help with household chores. You are a sahMOM, not MAID. It took me 2 years to realize that. Dh has just as much responsibility as I do. Now, for me, I like a clean house, and usually dd is great about helping, so I get it done. But he knows that if I ask, he needs to help me. And he will. Same with dinner. Call dh on his way home and have him pick something up for all of you. Again, I love to cook, so it's not a big deal, but I have called dh a few times to grab dinner. HTH

[Barbee]

thanks for your reply. the main problem is that dh holds over my head the fact that he "works" (about 3 days a week btw) and i "don't work". so, asking him to do anything always results in "fine, and then i'll just drive to work tomorrow" sarcasm. i've talked to him about this, but it never changes, or it changes for a day or so and then goes right back to his martyr complex. can you tell i've got some resentment issues? :

[Jeanne D'Arc]

thanks for your reply. the main problem is that dh holds over my head the fact that he "works" (about 3 days a week btw) and i "don't work". so, asking him to do anything always results in "fine, and then i'll just drive to work tomorrow" sarcasm. i've talked to him about this, but it never changes, or it changes for a day or so and then goes right back to his martyr complex. can you tell i've got some resentment issues?

You're not working huh? Hmmm, I wonder who it was that carried
that baby, dealt with pregnancy and labored to bring his child
into this world? Who I wonder lost sleep to nurse and nurture
his child? Who is it that is teaching, nurturing, and shaping
a human being? Who is keeping the hearth and home?

What pray-tell does he do for a living? If its one of those
sit at a desk all day things, you need to give him a serious
wake-up call!

[Barbee]

dh is a film editor who does sit at a desk on average 3 days a week. i know he needs a wake up call, but i honestly don't know how to do it. i've tried talking to him. i've tried being mean. he'll change for a day or two and then go right back. it's frustrating and i know it has a lot to do with how much tolerance i have toward ds. when i'm trying to spin 4 different plates while dh is blogging, i get really irritated. i think gentle discipline encompasses more than how you directly relate to your child. i think it has a lot to do with how you deal with your own life. i know i have a long way to go in my marriage. i know that if i had an attentive dh it would be so much easier to hold it together. the other day when i wrote this post origonally, i ended up going to a friend's house. i think that might be the key for me. thank you for your responses.