my boys and school

[mother_star]

So, school started and already I'm having trouble with Ds1. He doesn't want to go, he says school is stupid and that he doesn't need to have an education. No matter how much I explain to him that an education is important for a good job and if he wants to drive a nice car or truck later on in life he will need schooling and a good job to get those thiongs. But it seems he doesn't believe me. He keeps saying he will do like his grand father (a machanic for timber jacks and also does welding). Ds1 says that since his grand father don't have much schooling that he doesn't either. I keep telling him that times have changed, but it's like I'm talking to the wall. I know he's only a child but there are days where I feel like this. He's only 8 yo in grade
3, he's very smart for his age but he doesn't seem to want to implick himself into school at all. He has a nice teacher this year but still refuses to try harder than he does. I know he can do it if he would only put some effort into it.

How can I make this better? Make it more fun for him? Maybe I should get his grand father to talk to him about how important it is to have schooling these days? I don't know....

sorry about going on and on and on....

[CarrieMF]

be honest, tell him it is against the law for him to NOT go to school.

Is the work too easy for him? Talk to the teacher & see what they say.

[oceanbaby]

He sounds like one smart kid! The truth is that plenty of people who went to school don't have jobs or nice cars. He's probably picked up on this in some way, and maybe that's why he doesn't believe you. He sounds like an awesome candidate for homeschooling, but if that isn't an option, I would agree with the pp - really the reason he has to be in school is that it is the law. Maybe find out what he would be more interested in and find afterschool classes for him? Maybe a different school? Maybe he is advanced and needs to be in a gifted class?

I was bored in school, and my parents did a lot of work finding the right school and classroom. (The never found exactly the right one, but they tried.) They also let me stay home a lot, but times were different then.

[Mirzam]

He does sound like a smart kid who would do very well homeschooled. My DD goes part-time to a democratic/free school -- an unschoolling school -- and she is just thriving. I am amazed at what she learns there and it is totally self-directed. We homeschool the rest of the time. I wonder if you have anything like that available to you?

[Maggieinnh]

Maybe going to school is not really the problem at all! Actually that is what it sounds like to me, by him bringing his grandfather up as an example that school education is not necessary, ...there could be other reasons of school dislike.

Maybe he is scarred about something at school or somebody, maybe he gets bullied? Maybe there is somebody threatening him or he saw something that he should not have, like an older child bringing a knife or other weapon to school and he is just scarred? There could be all kinds of reasons, maybe he is not challenged as pp mentioned. Maybe he has difficulty making friends and feels lonely or somebody is trying to get him something to do that he does not want to at school etc?
I would definitely try to coax all these possibilities out of him and than go from there, maybe ask him how he would feel with a change in school and see what he says to that.

[Callimom]

Hmmm

I think that the idea that he will need education to buy a nice car may be too abstract for him. There's not a lot of connection between working hard for grades now and affording a future lifestyle he may not be interested in at the moment.

I would guess that he doesn't find the school work relevant to his interests or his future and tbh I can see why a grade 3 boy might think that.
He sounds like he might be ready for more input into his education.
Can you work with the teacher to integrate more real world relevance into the work he is doing, perhaps through special projects, relevant reading materials, real life math projects, customized history projects, field trips (either at home or through school) etc?
Can you supplement his interests at home in ways that make school seem more important and relevant?
Does he have a mentor who has been to college or university and will speak to him about the benefits of that experience?

My bias is homeschooling in part because I have a son who would/did NOT do well subjected to the You must-do-this-because-I-say-so-school authority. He didn't see the relevance in it and he wasn't going to be convinced that how he printed his letters in grade one would have any bearing on how he lived his life as an adult - and tbh I agree with him.
I'm sorry you are struggling with this and I hope you can find an approach that works for both of you.

[mother_star]

Thanks for all the great ideas and replies.

I have told ds1 it was agaisnt the law to keep him home, that I could go to jail because I don't send him to school. He doesn't fully understand the concept of the whole thing though, I think.

I did mention homeschooling to him and he said he would rather that (just my luck). I'm not smart enough to homeschool. I did poorly in school. So, I don't think I'd be a very good teacher. Maybe pre k or Kindergarten but not the higher grades. He is going to French school so there I won't be able to teach him french.

I will be going to see his teacher though and find out how it is in class and at recess time.

I will talk to ds1 to see if anyone is bullying him or not. Or if anything else is bothering him about this school. The school that he's going to is highly recomended to send children.

Yes it is true that not all people who have a high level of education has a nice car or house but hearing ds1 talk about how he wants certain types of cars or trucks when he's older, I tell him he will need a good paying job to get those things, and to get a good paying job he needs to go to school. I know not everyone who has a good education has a good paying job but at least maybe it will stimulate him into thinking that getting his education is a good thing and not something I'm doing to punish him. I hope that made sence there.

[oceanbaby]

Originally Posted by mother_star

I did mention homeschooling to him and he said he would rather that (just my luck). I'm not smart enough to homeschool. I did poorly in school. So, I don't think I'd be a very good teacher. Maybe pre k or Kindergarten but not the higher grades. He is going to French school so there I won't be able to teach him french.

Just as an FYI, in studies that have been done, there has been no correlation between the educational level of the hs'ing parent (usually the mom) and the academic success of the hs'ed child.

[ecoteat]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

Just as an FYI, in studies that have been done, there has been no correlation between the educational level of the hs'ing parent (usually the mom) and the academic success of the hs'ed child.

Really? I've often wondered about that.

OP, apparently he has little motivation for school. Trying to entice him with future scenarios isn't going to help, especially when they aren't entirely true. He needs a connection in school that he values, and soon. He sounds like I student I have--when he joined my class in 3rd grade, he wanted nothing to do with it. Now I have him as a 5th grader and he has made HUGE progress. We have a Big Brother, Big Sister program and paired him up with a volunteer who sees him once a week. I worked very hard at finding common interests between him and myself so that I could make some kind of connection with him. He still doesn't care much about academics, but he's caring more about his teachers and classmates and likes being successful, partly because it makes others happy.

[kathymuggle]

First off, I would not say it is illegal "not to go to school". That is simply not true. It is illegal not to receive an education - some estimates say 1 in 50 kids are homeschooled. I know it sound like semantics, but its not, and you don't want him throwing it in your face down the road.

"I did mention homeschooling to him and he said he would rather that (just my luck). I'm not smart enough to homeschool. I did poorly in school. So, I don't think I'd be a very good teacher."

I will give you my opinion, although in the interest of full disclosure, I will let you know I am home-school friendly (I homeschool 1 child, 2 attend public school)

It is not relevant how well you did in school. In fact, I have met school teachers who say people who did well in school do not make the best teachers as they often expect children to get everything easily (as they did). Secondly, many homeschoolers (especially for the higher grade) have their children take classes, go online, get a mentor, etc to learn more difficult subject. Older children can teach themselves, with a bit of help from the community. There is also the option of cyber-schooling (doing the Province-you -are-in curriculuum online, from home. They have teachers online to help, I believe)

Myself, I would cross post in homeschooling to see what they say....

As per school, if you choose to send him, I think the best place to start is with a serious one-on-one talk with him, and then with the teacher. Take DS to Tim Hortons or some such thing and have a good heart to heart. Figure out what is going on. After that talk to the teacher (you may or may not want to bring DS). When you approach the school, I would open with something like "DS does not want to go to school. This really concerns me because I very much want Ds to have a positive school experience". The school wants your son to suceed as well, so a statement like this would express a common, positive goal. BE very honest about your concerns, and ask the teacher how the school can help to recify the situation. Hopefully you will come away with a plan that you and the school agree on for helping your son.

Good luck, and I hope your Ds feels better about his education soon! Ddisliking school is so heartwrenching for everyone

kathy