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Concerned about not circ'ing son

post #1 of 51
Thread Starter 
We're absolutely NOT circ'ing our son. That decision was made awhile back. We have a 14 yr. old who is circ'd so this will be our first intact son.

With that being said, for some reason I'm getting a little nervous about it. I try to read up on the posts every now and again on this thread to learn more about having an intact son and it seems I read many things that could go wrong (infection, problems urinating, or unexplained odor or things like that).

Are these issues fairly common with an intact son? You just clean it like you would a finger, right? Can I use diaper wipes to clean it as I'm cleaning the rest of his bottom during diaper changes?

Please don't worry, in no way, shape or form would we change our minds! Never! This will just be very new to me (dh & I both) and I am just a little worried that it's going to be challenging to care for an intact penis. More so than I thought.

Our sweet boy is due any day now (as a matter of fact, I've been having contractions all day) so I just want to be prepared.

Please encourage me and put my mind at ease! This will be a breeze, right?
post #2 of 51
I can totally sympathize. When we made the desision not to circumcise our first son, we were the only people we knew who did not, and it was a little scary. No matter how sure I was that leaving him intact was the right thing to do, I was so scared that I was going to do something wrong and cause him trouble forever. I was so freaked out that for the first week, I constantly was looking at his penis to see if something was wrong. :
I think its because everything we are taught in our culture says that its what you *have* to do or else, and breaking out of that mentality is hard, even when you are sure of your decision.
To answer your questions (I've learned a lot since his early days, and most of it here ):
My oldest ds is almost 6, and has never had an infection, trouble urinating, or any other issues. There is actually a thread here somewhere called "intact and no problems..." or something like that, and it is many pages long- you might look it up for peace of mind
Yes, you just clean it like a finger, with a wipe. No biggie. Really easy. If you never retract, and never let anyone but him retract, then you are probably not going to have any issues.
And any issues he may have (however rare they may be) can usually be cleared up pretty easily.
I hope this helps.
post #3 of 51
congrats on your baby! easy labor vibes coming your way mama!!

yes, it will be a breeze. and yes, you can just use whatever wipes you use for his bottom on his penis too. and you are right, wipe it like a finger. here is a thread that may help put your mind at ease.

i think the biggest thing to remember is to be VIGILANT about drs and their curiousity to see whats in there. check out the sticky about retraction up above.

can't wait to read your birth story!
post #4 of 51
Congrats!My ds is intact,never a problem.He's recently become retractable,and although he won't wash any other part of his body in the tub,he has no problems "retracting and swishing" .I always just washed him with a wipe at diaper changes,he was in diapers until 5yo and no problems at all.HTH!
post #5 of 51
The biggest problem you'll have is convincing drs to LEAVE IT ALONE!!! Or to not create imaginary problems. Drs are used to seeing circ'd boys, so they don't really know how to deal with non-circ. I've had a dr tell me that I HAVE to retract or he might get adhesions : had another say that he HAS to visualize the meatus during well baby visits to make sure everything's okay (and that it's harmless to do so) : and more than one dr blame the UTI my son had on him not being circ'd. Sheesh.

In reality, circ'd boys have just as many (actually, more!) problems with odor and infection and adhesions...you just don't hear about them because they're considered pretty par-for-the-course. But trust me--the problems exist!! My anecdotal conclusion is that parents that non-circ are more in tune to their children and more likely to notice problems sooner. And then go searching for answers on boards like this. That's why you'll see many threads about potential problems (many of which turn out to be perfectly fine) The parents are just being proactive...just like you're being now!!!

Good luck in labor...just think, you'll be holding your miracle soon!
post #6 of 51
My ds is only 6 weeks old, but I was surprised that the ped didn't even mention the fact that he is intact. I was SUPER worried about being bugged or "told" how to [not] take care of it properly or him being retracted or whatever. The ped didn't even take more than a passing glance. And my midwife knew just what to do b/c her son was intact! Anyway, be super wary of people being stupid, but don't be petrified like I was, because I was pleasantly surprised that people weren't as stupid as I expected.
post #7 of 51
I think another thing that adds to the number of posts we see concerning red foreskins is that people in this country at least are programmed to think the foreskin is problematic. I have a daughter and a son, both have times when their genitals become a bit red. But I do not think people freak out or think there is a big problem when their daughter has a bit of redness. We need to teach people to react in this way when their son has the same redness.
post #8 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by happymammaof3 View Post
I try to read up on the posts every now and again on this thread to learn more about having an intact son and it seems I read many things that could go wrong (infection, problems urinating, or unexplained odor or things like that).
First, because the posters here are a great resource for parents of intact children, many come here to get advice. So, that may give an appearance of a lot of intact "problems." Second, most of these "problems" are minor (or not really a problem at all) in comparison to the life-long damages when things go wrong with a circ.
post #9 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by happymammaof3 View Post

Please encourage me and put my mind at ease! This will be a breeze, right?
Yep. It's MUCH easier than cleaning/worrying about a circumcision wound!

My intact son is 5, no problems.

JUST MAKE SURE that you never let a doctor retract! (Unfortunately a lot of them try.) Your son should be the only person to retract his foreskin--that could happen as early as 2 or as late as 19.
post #10 of 51
As the other posters have said it will be a breeze

My first son is circ'd, my new baby (5 1/2 months old) is not. I was like you, and a bit worried about the unknown (plus I got to hear all the horror stories from people who claimed DS was going to have horrible infections etc etc) So far though everything has been perfect. He is cloth diapered but I do use disposible wipes with no problem.

Once again...yes, it will be a breeze

Kelly
post #11 of 51
Hi there. My two have never had issues with being intact. I hear where you are comming from though. My son was the first boy diaper I had ever changed. I come from a family of all girls, so there was absolutely no frame of reference there. I can tell you this much, they are a lot easier to clean than all the folds and creases baby girls have! Just wipe and go.

From hearing all of the rumors about infections, hard to clean ect., I was nervous when ds1 was born too....almost waiting for something to happen. What do you know though, six years later and nada....not a thing.

You are making the right decision Momma, sometimes it just takes a little life experience to reassure us of that. You will see soon enough!

Take care,
Tara
post #12 of 51
He (and you) will be fine. My ds has had no problems and it is just natural and normal. Shortly you will find yourself wondering why you were so concerned about something so easy. I watch my nephew several days a week (circed 5mo) and always feel that I should be doing something to clean his penis more cause it has a funny look to it (it is "fine" and I do nothing to it figuring his mom can take care of anything that needs to be done, as she never told me any specific instructions on its care), but that's cause it is circed. With ds, it was so easy and nothing special to do and never looked like it needed anything different done to it. He is no more likely to have issues or problems than any girl in the world, and with simple knowledge, almost everything can be easily taken care of with out a lot to tramua.

Good luck with your new babe.
post #13 of 51
The intact penis is the easiest thing in the world to clean. Far easier than a circumcised penis, and definitely easier than a vagina!

Congratulations on your upcoming little one. And YAY for leaving him intact!
post #14 of 51
I'm on another board with a mix of mamas of intact/circed boys, and almost exclusively the "problems" that get posted about for intact boys are par for the course and really not problems at all -- ballooning (doctor recommended circ : ), minor irritation/separation trauma, non-retraction by a certain age, etc.

Whereas I have seen lots of threads about adhesions, serious irritation/even meatal stenosis, even bleeding, from mamas of circed boys. Not to mention cleanliness issues because the remnant foreskin traps gunk. These are real problems -- and they're complications of circumcision.

I know this is anecdotal, but I think circed boys are far more likely to have problems with their penises than intact boys -- which is only natural, really.

Congratulations on your new baby boy -- I hope you're holding him in your arms soon!
post #15 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bm31 View Post
First, because the posters here are a great resource for parents of intact children, many come here to get advice. So, that may give an appearance of a lot of intact "problems." Second, most of these "problems" are minor (or not really a problem at all) in comparison to the life-long damages when things go wrong with a circ.
: That is what I was going to say. You will obviously see more "What is wrong...." here posts since no one is likely to come on everyday saying "Ds's penis is fine today...." posts.

I look at it this way my dd had major problems with diaper rash due to eczema we treated it and moved on. So when ds got a bacterial infection (my fault for letting him play hide and seek with his finger without washing his hands after being outside all day) we treated it and moved on.

If taken care of properly ie leaving it alone the foreskin is no more apt to have problems than any other body part.

And you are definatly not alone mama when I first had ds I was always looking for a problem due to hearing about infections etc my whole life but as he gets older the worry has eased. It helps that I know for a fact infections can be totally cured with proper medication and they dont keep coming back.
post #16 of 51
Congrats mama!
post #17 of 51
Quote:
This will be a breeze, right?
Yes very, very easy. So much easier then a baby girl, or a baby boy who is circd. You will probably find he very rarly even gets anything on his penis to be wiped off thanks to the poop catchers underneath!

Yes it is possible that he may get an infection, or some other problem but no more risk then any other part of his body. If that happens you find out what is causing it and treat accordingly just like you would if you had a daughter, who has a much greater risk of UTI then your son ever will. Most likely you will find it trouble free and much more simply to clean then say his teeth. Try getting an uncooperative toddler to open his mouth and you will appreciate how much more difficult it is to keep those teeth clean then his penis.

If you do get a problem at least you know it's a natural problem, not one brought on because of a complication from surgery, a surgery totally unneeded. I would much rather take the minor risks associated with a natural body then the risks associated with taking a knife to a healthy child.
post #18 of 51
I used to worry about the same thing, even though I too, would never circ. But if you go on a mainstream forum, you will see just as many (actually, probably more) threads about problems with circ'd boys. Plus there are the problems that they don't know are a result of the circ. Plus, it's usually way worse than intact problems. Kids just have issues with every body part, think about all the threads about girls getting uti's, yeast etc. Congrats on your baby!
post #19 of 51
Quote:
You will probably find he very rarly even gets anything on his penis to be wiped off thanks to the poop catchers underneath!
That is so true. Uggh those scotums are a PITA to get the poop off of.
post #20 of 51
Quote:
That is so true. Uggh those scotums are a PITA to get the poop off of.
Especialy those early black ones. I was always scared I would hurt him.
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