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the only child

post #1 of 7
3/4/02 at 10:04pm
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to hear from other mamas with only one child. DD is 4 and only recently have I started to feel guilty that she has no siblings (my mother-in-law's blunt requests don't help either). A couple of times dd has said she feels lonely and her closest friend (the dd of one of my closest friends) just moved very far away. Any advice to cheer her up? She has pre-school 3 times a week where she plays and has fun and will be going to a great day camp for part of the summer but right now she's bored and not happy doing the things we usually do - drawing, painting, yoga, reading..........thanks, Danielle
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post #2 of 7
3/7/02 at 5:22pm
A few random thoughts:

You can be just as bored with siblings. You can fight with siblings. You can have siblings that don't want you playing with them and their friends. You can have siblings that don't share your interests. Having a sibling does not necessarily equal having a compatible, willing playmate ...

A little boredom is good for a child. Let your daughter use her imagination during these times. She'll find something to do, especially if you provide some simple tools like books, art supplies, blocks and so on. It's not your obligation to provide constant entertainment for your child, nor is that best for your child's development ...

Shouldn't you have a child because you want another person to love in your family, not simply to provide a playmate and distraction for your existing child? ...
post #3 of 7
3/8/02 at 8:00am
My ds is 4 and has been an only child, but we are expecting a second this summer. However, I am an only child! I agree with the last post. Bordem is healthy and your dd will learn to use her imagination more. I certainly did and continue to be a dreamer of sorts... I did always long for a sibling though and now have an intense desire to create a big family. In some ways I envy my dh because he has neices and nephews, and our ds has aunts, uncles, and cousins only on dad's side. Yet, my friends are so close to me that they are like my sisters. The bottom line is your dd will adjust to whatever life offers! Guilt is certainly not a reason for having another child. There are plenty of things about being an only child that I still appreciate. I had opportunities I may not have otherwise had. It sounds like you're creating a wonderful life for dd so don't be hard on yourself!
post #4 of 7
3/12/02 at 1:34am
There is one book I know that is so wonderful on the question of only children. It is called "Maybe, One" by Bill McKibben. My dh and I always wanted only one, but there are times when I have doubts. Reading this book made me feel much more comfortable, even proud, of our decision. It is right for us, for our family. I think you'll thank me if you check it out from the library.

My dd is 3 1/2. Yours is probably lonely because of her friend leaving (she might be feeling that way now even if she were in a large family). Does she have other playmates outside of preschoool? Maybe setting up some playdates would help.
post #5 of 7
3/12/02 at 1:40am
There was a big discussion about having only one child a while ago. I'll try to find it, but if anyone else can help me, please do. I'll let you know if I find it.
post #6 of 7
3/12/02 at 1:49am

Only child thread

This is the thread I was talking about...

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...ight=One+child
post #7 of 7
3/12/02 at 9:23pm
Thread Starter 
You guys are right, I absolutely love the way my family is now. Someday, maybe, I'll get that "feeling" again, or maybe not--for now I will continue to enjoy the child I have and be grateful for the time we share exclusively together. Thank you all for supporting and reassuring me in my original decision, Beth, that past thread was great and heartlight I will have to check that book out from the library...........Peace, Love, and Happiness............Danielle