Horrible experience at favorite restaurant with SUPER rude hostess... - Page 2

[rainsmom]

It takes 2 seconds for a small 2yr old to get away from your grasp. One second! Not a chance I would take with my dd...... Especially when there is hot food around, not to mention old food on the floor.

In another year or so he will be able to sit in a seat for the length of a meal. Sometimes we've had to leave the restaurant OR take turns eating while one of us entertains dc. My dd is starting to learn what is acceptible behavior in a restaurant, though she is far from perfect. If I started letting her do something now, that wont be acceptable when she's 3 or 4, it would be confusing.

[anythingelse]

I would go in and visit with him a minute, tell him that you knew he would wonder if your ds was okay. Tell him your ds was not hurt by the planter falling on him and then offer a BTW, this was the hostess' remark to me. He needs to know his out of line hostess is rude and mouthy.
kind of OT My mom has parkinsons and she has gotten crap from waitstaff for spilling her drinks when she clearly said to not fill cup to the top. I am always stunned at how rude & hurtful waitstaff commenst about this can be. I have waited tables & hostessed and would never have assumed someone was neglectful about watching their kids and willingly made a mess. If they had a plant near a table that a toddler could bump into and knock over this could also have been a danger to my mom tripping on it or anyone else with physical limitations. Good luck!!

[oceanbaby]

Jen and her Girls - My point exactly! I don't let ds run around in a restaurant unless I am there holding his hand, right by his side. My dh and I take turns getting up with him if need be. There are a million places where it is unsafe for a 2yo to run around unattended - Home Depot, the grocery store, the bank, the post office, a restaurant, Macys. But this is the world we live in. They are not guests in the adult world - they have just as much right to be in these places as we do, and to display age appropriate behavior. I just don't agree that children should be miserable so that other diners can have the meal the way that they want it. I understand that adults may want peace and quiet, but the kids want to get up and explore their environment. Why is what the adults want more important than what the kids want? Please understand that I am not talking about letting your kids scream and cry and throw food and run around and be obnoxious.

Yoopervegan - that sounds like a horrific experience! What a nightmare. But I don't think it means that kids shouldn't be out of their seat - it means that the parents should be watching to make sure they don't cause an accident. Adults cause accidents all the time in restaurants - they back up without looking, they dangle their feet in the walkway, they grab glasses off the server's tray, they turn a corner too quickly without looking, etc. But it doesn't occur to anyone to think that adults should stay seated the entire meal.

One of the reasons I am so peeved about this is because I had an incident when ds was a baby. We were in a coffee shop (a noisy, Nordstrom coffee shop of all places), and he was happily sitting on my mom's lap banging a little plastic lid on the table. Not a metal spoon, a soft plastic to-go cup lid. A guy walks in, sits down next to us, and opens a book. I see him looking at me, and finally he gets up, walks over, and asks if I can have ds stop banging the lid because he's trying to read. I jokingly said "Well, he's 10 months old, so asking him to stop will be pretty tough." Then he told me that I should take it away from him. I told him that I wasn't going to do that, because then HE would be unhappy. He wasn't making an unreasonable amount of noise - there were adults having noiser conversations, and an espresso machine going full tilt. The guy threw a little fit about how he was trying to read his book. I pretty much just politely told him that that was just too bad, maybe try a library. He slammed his stuff together and huffed off, glaring at me the whole time. I didn't see him asking any of the adults to keep their voices down.

That isn't the only experience I have had. I mean, ds is usually pretty well behaved in public, and dh and I are always right there with him if he's running around, but it seems like people have this general attitude that kids are a nuisance, that they are to be seen and not heard, and that they should be made to accommodate whatever it is the adults want. I just don't see this as very respectful treatment.

[guest^]

Thanks for the support....

I am amazed at the response I've gotten here...thankyou.

I have put in a phone call to the owner, but unfortunately, his nephew is getting married this weekend and he will hardly be in the restaurant over the next few days...I did expain to the next person in charge who is the kitchen manager and has been there for 17 years...he said he was going to make it a top priority to get the message to the owner. You never know about politics at a restaurant, and I do wonder if the message will fall into the wrong hands IYKWIM....I couldn't make it in there today as I woke up with a crisis call from one of my best friends asking me to take her kids for a good part of the day...

I would like to clear up a few things...

This is the hostess-she is not a server.

Our children were *not* running around....we always ask to be seated next to the wall, and there is a space of about 4 feet behind me where if I have allowed ds to be down-he is allowed there. He is allowed *right* next to me.THIS IS NOT IN THE PATH OF SERVERS. I must emphasis that we are very sensitive to the wait staff and other patrons. I always leave a clean table and floor and always leave at least a 20% tip.Period. ds is past the stage of picking up leftover food from the floor, and this is a clean restaurant. I had just put ds down when this happened....my dh and I were not finished and were not sitting around talking while ds tore up the place....I put himn down to quickly shove food in my mouth and inhale my margarita...he was dancing to the Latino music one minute and the next thing he had reached to touch the plant. Before I could even say No to him, the thing tumbled down.

To those of you that don't let your kids down at all, that is great for you. That worked for us with dd-she was the type to finish eating and play quitely on our lap while we finished....this rarely has happened with ds...when he is finished, one of us DOES take him out of the restaurant or hold him on our laps...which we were about to do...and this happened. I am sure that even with those of you that say you take your food to go at that point or take your kids out of the restaurant....is there not a few minutes where this is trying to be accomplished...discussing which of you will finish,which of you will do the walk outside?... waiting for the server to bring the box or bag to take the food? I personally cannot go from child starts demanding to be put down or to go, to dashing out the door in a split-second. As soon as ds has refused to stay next to me, one of us *is* out of there.

This is not an upscale restaurant. It is afamily owned and operated restaurant. The owner is actually the son of the man who started it,he is now deceased and his sons run it...the top owner has a daughter 1 year younger than my dd and when I've seen them in there, their daughter goes roaming *all*over the restaurant...many times sitting with us as dd and her have the same name and they think that is great...and so they chat and play when they see each other. It's not Chuckee Cheeses,but it is family friendly...like i stated, when you walk in, the kids are given a cup of crayons and a menu to color....

I agree with Oceanbaby.....the overall attitude toward babies and children in American restaurants is a huge reflection of how we as a society treat our littlest members.

I am not going to avoid eating out for the next few years...we stopped eating out when ds was around 1 yr -till he was about 18months. I think that it is acceptable to take a 2 yo out to eat....it is through this period that he/she becomes comfortable slowly with the eating out experience and grows into a 3-4yo who is a pleasant diner. MY best friend has never taken her dc out to restaurants due to one son who is special needs, and she has told me that when her Mom takes her 6 yo out, he doesn't know how to behave and is very impatient. Maybe some kids can wait to be taken to restaurants till they can behave like little adults, but I am guessing most can't. Afterall,where are the practice sessions?

I do not feel like we were in the wrong here. We absolutely were *not* slacking-I can admit if I've been negligent-and this was not the case. The issue is the horrible attitude we got from the hostess. She was out of line.

On a side note, I did remember the first negative experience we had with this lady-when she asked us smoking or non(first time meeting her) I replied that I wanted one of our usual tables over by the wall so I could have some privacy BFing....she acted all put out.

mp

[Lucky Charm]

I just don't agree that children should be miserable so that other diners can have the meal the way that they want it.

So I should be miserable, right?
If i child doesnt deserve misery, then neither do i. I do have a right to a meal the way i want it. And children should have the opportunity to learn observe and explore. The two shouldnt be mutually exclusive. unfortunately, time and time again, i am in an nice restaraunt, after 9pm, and kids are all over the place "exploring". I guess this is so the kids arent "miserable", and while their parents eat happily away, my dinig experience is ruined.

[sleepies]

custumer is always right!

well. as the customer they should NOT have said anything like that to you. they should go by the policy that the customer is always right. if they had a problem, they should have NICELY told you before it came to that point. seems like they had a problem BEFORE the pot broke.....so that is when they could have said something "nicely".


but, id not let your child out of their seat in a restraunt. i think it is a little rude. sorry. my opinion, that you didn't ask for.

but you got!

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Reply from a VERY seasoned restaurant worker here!!! YES, call the owner! That hostess was rude and that is not acceptable. You paid for your meal AND you paid for hospitable service. It sounds like your child wasn’t bothering anyone and wasn’t anyone’s way and an accident happened…big deal. I think under the table or close to the table (out of workers way) is a perfect place for a child in a restaurant. Also, I think that children should be welcome in all public places and I don’t really understand why on this site you’re getting grief for bringing your child with you to eat.

[jen and her girls]

Originally posted by sweetbaby3
So I should be miserable, right?
If i child doesnt deserve misery, then neither do i. I do have a right to a meal the way i want it. And children should have the opportunity to learn observe and explore. The two shouldnt be mutually exclusive. unfortunately, time and time again, i am in an nice restaraunt, after 9pm, and kids are all over the place "exploring". I guess this is so the kids arent "miserable", and while their parents eat happily away, my dinig experience is ruined.

Well, I guess that depends. I don't think that children should be running around screaming, beating each other up in the aisles, or throwing food around. However, I don't see anything wrong with children walking around (with a parent), checking out the other patrons, exploring, playing peek-a-boo under their table, etc. It shouldn't matter if it's 4pm or 10pm - I think that kids have as much right to be in a restaurant as any adult. Just as I don't think that overly rude and obnoxious children should be tolerated anymore than overly rude and obnoxious adults.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

OP, you seem to be very restaurant savvy but I wanted to add one more thing. When calling a restaurant, timing can be very important. Try to call in the morning or between lunch and dinner.

[jen and her girls]

Originally posted by HannahSims
...and I don’t really understand why on this site you’re getting grief for bringing your child with you to eat.

I was really surprised by that, too.

[rainsmom]

YIKES!!

I thought we were talking about whether children should be out of their seats and about contacting restaurant owners about rude hostesses......not whether we should bring them AT ALL........

did I miss something

[sillypants]

We are in the restaurant business and yes, you should call the owner. He will REALLY want to know, trust me.

You did nothing wrong with letting your little one down. If people want to go to a quiet restaurant and have a quiet meal, that's where they should go. Not a family restaurant where there are families eating.

[sadean]

rainsmom-If you missed something so did I:

It is my belief that children have the right to be treated with dignity and respect in public, and that goes especially for family dining places...that's why it's "FAMILY DINING". It aggrivates me to no end when my kids are looked down upon simply because they are and act like children. They are well behaved, but are still often impatient, talkative and enthusiatic. They are not "running wild", but they are kids. In order to make good citizens/patrons-in-restarants, they need to have hands-on practice and I will continue and proudly give them that, even if snotty people don't believe my children belong out in public...and personally i care what time it is. Adults don't have a monopoly on life after 7:00 p.m.

If people don't want to eat with children, they should not patronize places that cater to families. I also think that people need to have a little more empathy for parents in general. Yes, some are irresponsible, but most are doing the best they can. And if an adult did any of the things my and other children do (talk loudly, bang their silverware, ask where there food is 10 times in 5 minutes), nobody would scold them, give them dirty looks, or sniff in displeasure.

OP, I fully support you and completely empathise. I hope that you are able to get in touch with the owner soon and that he fires her a$$.

[anythingelse]

me too!! I was shocked to read the sentiments expressed. I went out to eat with my kids a couple nights ago and the boys got up to go to the bathroom each at least once and dd walked around to check out the fish tank and then chat up the hostess, this was normal dinner at Benihana. The severs there are always happy to see us.

If your dining experience is ruined by having children behave in normal childlike fashion near you, then you should request a different table away from familys out, hit a bar restaurant that children do not frequent, or go eat at late late hours when most kids are in bed. IMHO YOU own the problem and the solution, the child does not.
ROTFLMBO you would hate eating at my house where the average number (not age) of children is 7-8 at the lunch or dinner table all summer long.

ma of four wonderful children

[guest^]

Ut-oh...well maybe it was I who got the topic off and onto even taking small children out....but oh well....it seems to be a passion filled topic huh?

Dh is reading to the kids, so I'll jump in again....

Yk, before I became a parent, and worked at or ate at restaurants, I was full of judgement against those who would let their children down at a restaurant,or had their children eating out late.

But I've learned that I never know the circumstances that bring a family to make the choices that they do. And I think that when you have no children or very easy children....judgement calls become easier, and tolerance just isn't exercised enough.

That said, I also think that eating is such a personal thing that we all do and that we tend to get sort of...understandably picky about our surroundings when doing so. Does that make sense? But this is hugely off the topic that our favorite restaurant has a mean,rude hostess who was horrible to us leavibg us with the dilemma(sp?) of what to do...

mp

[Lucky Charm]

That said, I also think that eating is such a personal thing that we all do and that we tend to get sort of...understandably picky about our surroundings when doing so. Does that make sense?

Totally.

[PJsmomma]

Business owner here--Make sure you speak personally with the owner. He will probably be disappointed in his employee's behaviour. If he was gone when she behaved this way, she probably is alienating other customers. (Maybe she thinks she's the boss!)

I heard a statistic if one person complains to you (or gives a compliment) 100 others were thinking the same thing--probably not exact in the numbers there but I'm sure there are other people annoyed by her actions.


I would prefer to have a customer let me know if they have a problem--if I can't change everything to make it perfect for the customer I can at least explain my reasons and usually the customer is pleased that they at least got an explanation

hth
Malissa

[rainsmom]

That said, I also think that eating is such a personal thing that we all do and that we tend to get sort of...understandably picky about our surroundings when doing so. Does that make sense?

I agree!


Also, as far as the noise kids make, that cant be helped. My dd has a high pitched squeal that can seem to irritate some people. Ive had people, usually seniors, get disgusted and move to another table when my dd was an infant making infant noises (not crying) making it hard for them to read! SHEESH!

The only thing along those lines that would bother me is when I hear a parent verbally abusing their dc.

[Yooper]

Wow. I hope I did not give the impression that kids should not be in restaurants. My only warning is that if you have a kid that needs to be out of the seat and has a tendency to bolt or get in the pathway, you might consider avoiding reatsurants until this passes for the child's and wait staff's safety. That said, it sounds as though th OP was at a table out of the way where no one would be hurt. Just be aware that your idea of in the way and what actually is in the way could differ. Kids being down does not "bother me", it worries me. After my experience with the little boy, I fret about any kids I see down and wandering alone (even close to the table). I actually dove for a kid a few months ago that was about to get stepped on. It is not that they don't have a right, it is that they are hard to see. When I was still waitressing, I would ask the parents of wanderers to either keep the child in the seat or wander with the child. Children going to the bathroom with a parent or to see the fish is totally expeted and acceptable. As for kids behavior in a family restaurant, there is nothing wrong with that. I have worked in both family places and adult places. Unfortunately around here, many adults think it is OK to bring kids to bar-like restaurants. No one cares about the noise, but if I were the parents, I would not want my kids inhaling that smoke or seeing the behavior of the clientel in these places. Some times bringing children to a fancy restaurant is not avoidable. You are there for a function like rehersal dinners, family events, etc.... I always sympathize with the parents trying to manage that situation......long waits for food, no toys, place too quiet. Most (not all) parents do the best the can to keep other diners from being annoyed....but there is only so much you can do.... Happy squeels (or unhappy for that matter) cannot be stopped.

Yooper

[granolamom]

Call the owner!!!!!

Continue to take your sweet son with you and continue to let him play around close to the table. He is a 2 year old child!!! Kids get restless, their little bodies need to move around.....that is how they are wired!!!

Peace to you,

Granolamom