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Horrible experience at favorite restaurant with SUPER rude hostess... - Page 5

post #81 of 119
Arduinna going back to your earlier comments, are you saying you thought the hostess in the OP was right to say what she did?

Let's see, the hostess said " it wouldn't have happened if you had been watching him "

IMO, that is stating the obvious and not "super rude".
post #82 of 119
Aduinna, the owner said people are always knocking the plant over. Would it have been okay for the waitress to state the obvious to an adult patron, ie "If you were more careful, that would not have happened!".

I mean, it can be rude to state the obvious, right? They aren't mutually exclusive.

I guess that is what I was trying to understand, how do you feel about that?

edited to add: If the plant was that easy to knock over, couldn't it have happened when she WAS watching? Ds has done stuff while I was sitting right next to him that happened to quickly for me to stop.
post #83 of 119
I can't seem to keep myself from popping in here.

If an adult had knocked over the plant, and the hostess had said "If you had watched where you were going, it wouldn't have happened" wouldn't you find that extremely rude? Of course it's true - by definition an accident is something that happens during that split second that your attention is diverted. Hasn't anyone here ever knocked over a glass of water on their table at a restaurant that spilled onto the floor? Is that the kind of reaction you would have liked to have gotten from the waitstaff?

Irishprincess - like Hannahsims said, no one here is talking about letting their child scream through the restaurant and throw food at other tables. We're talking about normal, age appropriate behavior. A voice that occassionally gets too loud, some food spilled on the floor, and a plant knocked over by accident. These are not symptoms of children who do not know how to behave. These are natural actions of normal, healthy, well behaved children who have every right to be taken to a restaurant with their parents.


"I, and I am pretty sure almost everyone in the country, would be just as, if not more, annoyed, bothered and even ticked off, by the rude behavior of an adult. However, if you went up to a somewhat inebriated person and asked them to quiet down you run the risk of an argument at best and a gun battle at worst. If you ask a parent to tone down a child, you are more likely to get results."

This is exactly the problem I am talking about! So because an adult is more likely to put up resistance, let them act like an ass, but because kids are expected to be subserviant, and because parents (especially moms - notice dads don't seem to get this kind of rude behavior) are expected to be ashamed and made to feel guilty for the actions of their children, then we think they need to be spoken to if their child dares to annoy us.
post #84 of 119
nope, I don't think it matters if an adult did it or not other than the fact that small children can't be expected to know what to touch or not so it's up to us parents to do that. It's not like the plant fell over on it's own and you just happened to be standing next to it. I'm baffled that the kid obviously grabbed the plant, yet the waitress is seen as mean and nasty.

BTW, spilling a glass of water isn't breaking something. And in this case the child was not sitting at the table. I assume you all aren't saying that the plant was there for him to play with and oops he accidently broke the "toy"?
post #85 of 119
Quote:
This is exactly the problem I am talking about! So because an adult is more likely to put up resistance, let them act like an ass, but because kids are expected to be subserviant, and because parents (especially moms - notice dads don't seem to get this kind of rude behavior) are expected to be ashamed and made to feel guilty for the actions of their children, then we think they need to be spoken to if their child dares to annoy us.
Adults are suppose to know better. Though some dont as we all know.

Parents are suppose to be teaching their children the appropriate behavior, or trying to.......

I would NEVER say something to another parent, unless they were ignoring the child completely. But not while they were sitting right there with their child. We never know the full circomstances.

I worked in a retail shop (a record store) and this young mother brought her 2 or 3 year old in, set her down turned her back on her and completely ignored her. As if it were someones home that was completely childproof. The child got into something and as the mother was completely oblivious, I told her that her dd had gotten in to something. She got all pissy at me! I said to her "HEY, this isnt a playground or day care center where you can ignore your child..... " She left and her friend said to me "she does this wherever she goes...(.ignores her dd) That was the only instance that I felt I needed to say something......
post #86 of 119
Quote:
If the plant was that easy to knock over, couldn't it have happened when she WAS watching?
No. I disagree. It wouldnt have happened if the child was sitting in his seat. The plant didnt jump out in front of him, he wasnt where he was supposed to be, which is in his seat.

Like Arduinna, I too am baffled that the child isnt in his seat, knocks over a plant and the parents demand an apology. :
post #87 of 119
Quote:
Like Arduinna, I too am baffled that the child isnt in his seat, knocks over a plant and the parents demand an apology.

Sorry, I have to agree!
post #88 of 119
I guess the OP thinks that she and her child deserve to be spoken to with respect, rather than with contempt and rudeness, even when one of them has an accident and knocks something over. Call me crazy, but I agree with her. I've knocked things over by accident in restaurants. Maybe I shouldn't be let out of my seat. Even though many accidents happen while I am still in my seat. I guess I shouldn't be allowed in restaurants at all because obviously my dh isn't supervising me well enough!
post #89 of 119
Hey, the OP said the hostess was rude there should be no question of that...the title of the post is:

Horrible experience at favorite restaurant with SUPER rude hostess...

HELLO!!!! HELLO!!! Did ya'll read the OP's post?

The OP was not demanding an apology because her child knocked over a plant. She was demanding an apology because the hostess was RUDE.

Later in her other posts she said that the OWNER of the restaurant told her that the plant had been knocked over several times before BY ADULTS and his mother kept moving it back to that logistically poor location.

Has everyone read all the OP’s posts? I know I’m no longer here just to defend the OP, I’m here for some good, trashy, fun debate but hey, if we’re going to get into it, we should all read all the posts.

Now a serious question: Are there actually some parents out there who feel an absolute responsibility to prevent every accident their child may make? Is this actually working? This just seems like a tremendous burden.

I will agree with the idea that it isn’t the worst thing in the world when someone steps in to recognize some inappropriate behavior. I would feel tremendously wounded but if what I was doing was truly inappropriate and I was called on it I would eventually be appreciative. I think this idea can blend into the philosophy of “It Takes a Village” where the greater community is trying to help. That said, there are big problems with this idea, especially because most people who would be popping in to tell be about my problems would be doing it because it bothered them and usually not to help guide me, kwim?
post #90 of 119
sweetbaby/arduinna,

...I am surprised you would say he couldn't have done it while he was in his seat. I think I remember ds breaking a few things while strapped into a stroller at that age. And once in the backpack. But anyway...

...So the child wasn't in his seat, that is what you have said was a factor in why his accident warranted chastisment from the staff...so lets say he wasn't in his seat because they were standing up to leave, mom was holding his other hand, and THEN he reached to touch the plant and knocked it over with his free hand. Hostess response was still acceptable?

Arduinna re your comment "I don't think it mattered if an adult did it or not"...what do you mean? That the hostess would be fine talking like that to you or another adult who touched the plant, maybe to admire it, and it fell over? Really? You'd expect that response from her?

I guess I am trying to nail down when, if ever, a child's accident in a restaurant does not warrnat public reproach in your opinion? Or an adult's accident for that matter, if I understood your last comment right Arduinna.

Oh, yes, a down and dirty debate
post #91 of 119
Thread Starter 

Ouch! Where are the *super* hunky New York firefighters to help put out the flames???

I guess I don't get admitted into the MDC perfect motherhood club. Bummer. But then again, I would have to have angelic dc whose feet float in the air entering and exiting the restaurants. At the first scream or discontent, I would immediately have to exit the restaurant,food in my mouth,drink half full. Because God forbid I should try to slam my drink, gather my families things and get the h@*ll out of there.

I mean seriously. Come on. I think those of you who are flaming me ought to go back and reread my first 2 posts.

The issue here was never a shrieking,running wild child. This is a 2 yo who was next to me.

The pot was NOT broken, it was *gasp!* knocked over.

The 21 yo single,childless hostess was out of line.

Quote by arduinna:" I have a feeling that as in the OP any employee stating the obvious(too much noise, or broken items) would be seen as "super rude". Seems we live in a world where no one should comment on the actions of their children"

WTF????? I find your comment rude and disrespectful. You don't have a clue what I am about.
So I will tell you!
I am a polite,respectful,courteous and compassionate person to others. I EXPECT others to treat me the same. If someone has a problem with me or my children, they can express themselves respectfully and nicely. Nastiness is dark energy, and I don't need it and I avoid it.
I care for people on a basic human level. Raised in the midwest,friendly,hardworking and damn proud of it.
Been thru a lot of sh#& in my life and still treated people with respect-even those who have min. wage jobs. I remember to ask our servers how their such and such is doing. I ask the grocery bagger how his mom is doing. I ask the HFS clerk how she likes working there fulltime as opposed to pt. I offer to hold strangers babies as they chase down their toddlers or pay the clerks at Target. I am a people person. I treat people nicely.

Had the girl given me a chance, I would have been on the floor cleaning the damn mess up myself. But since she didn't even so much as look at me when she hastily came over, who had the chance?

ANother quote by Arduinna:
" I used to be a server, and dealt with my fair share of unsupervised children, screaming ones, extremely messy ones ect. Management always kissed butt to the parents face and then told us what they really thought. A free meal is a cheap payoff in the long run when the person will come back and spend more money.
I don't get the attitude that the whole world revolves around anyones child?? Yes, children should be taken to restaurants (we took dd from birth) but that doesn't mean they are more important than any other diner there. My dd is very well behaved in restaurants and in peoples homes because she was raised to be. To be completely inconsiderate of other diners, the wait staff and the public in general while out creates self centered and bratty children and selfish adults IMO."

I can't really tell if you are taking another jab at me here?

Let's see, at a very conservative estimate, I have spent at least $4,200 (not including tip) there in the last 5 years alone(been going there for almost 20 yrs) and expect to keep going another 5 or more years. And for what? A good meal. I clean up after my children to the point that my family will be out of the restaurant and there I am underneath the fricken table cleaning up after my kids....BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT THE FREAKIN SERVERS AND DON'T THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE TO DO IT! Why? Because like I posted in my original post, I have been a server,hostess,grocery store clerk,pizza delivery gal...you name it, I've BTDT! Yes, since I left a good part of my meal and half my drink sitting at the table, I deserved to be compensated.

AND another thing... my children are well behaved as is appropriate to their age. My ds *was* supervised. I don't need any judgements about how I am raising bratty,selfish kids just because i let my ds down RIGHT NEXT TO ME in a restaurant.
I guess Arduinna, your dc are perfect. Perhaps you'd like to share some of your advice to raising perfect children?

That is fine that some of you think it is *horrible* to let your dc down in restaurants. I for one think that a couple of minutes down as we quickly finish doesn't mean we are clueless parents raising bratty kids.

I would ask if we could agree to disagree,but obviously this thread just won't end.

I came here for advice and support. I don't need to be treated so disrespectfully and rudely.




mp

post #92 of 119

Re: Ouch! Where are the *super* hunky New York firefighters to help put out the flames???

Quote:
Originally posted by mamapoppins
The 21 yo single,childless hostess was out of line.
What's your point? Which one do you have a problem with?

Young?
Single?
or Childless?

It sounds to me like you have issues with the hostess that go way beyond her "rude" comment.
post #93 of 119
Thread Starter 

Read my posts people! I did not DEMAND an apology!!!

I absolutely feel that I deserve one however.

The owner ASKED me WHAT COULD BE DONE to make things right. I told him an apology would be satisfactory.

I am not a perfect person. When I am rude to someone, I APOLOGIZE. I expect others to do the same.

Just yesterday, I had called the docs office to get a prescription. After hours, the nurse finally called back to say that the doc was gone but that another doc had filled the script,but with explicit instructions to NOT BF. I snapped big time at the nurse while quoting Thomas Hale,etc..

I was at the end of my coping rope with the kids as I had not really slept the night before....I felt bad all night. Today, I CALLED TO APOLOGIZE.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. *That* is how I am raising my dc.

OT- I would beware of approaching other patrons in public about the way they are raising their dc......my sis was eating at a very upscale Indian restaurant in a major midwestern city,when she saw a woman repeatedly slapping her toddler on the face whenever the girl tried to get noisy,etc....my sis walkedover to her on her way out and said something like parenting was hard, but there are other ways of handling toddlers,and could my sis hold the child so the woman could finish eating. The woman grabbed my sisby the neck and smashed her face to the table. Yes, the police got involved. But my sis has never,ever said anything to anyone in public about their parenting since. Freaks are everywhere. This lady was dressed nice and seemed mormal. Very sad for the little girl and my sis.



mp
post #94 of 119
OMG I can't believe that last story. Makes you want to grab that child and run far away w/her.

Wow, you've started quite a little debate w/o ever having that intention. I think "you" got lost in the generalized debate over children in public places; ie. seen and not heard vx. running wild. So, I sure wouldn't take anything personally anymore. At this point, it surely seems to be a purely rhetorical argument.

Go have a margarita and enjoy your free dinner.
post #95 of 119
Thread Starter 
Quote by Choli:
What's your point? Which one do you have a problem with?

Young?
Single?
or Childless?

It sounds to me like you have issues with the hostess that go way beyond her "rude" comment.

End of quote

Have you read my previous posts on this topic? Your answer is there in my posts!

mp
post #96 of 119
I agree with BusyMommy about the recent general nature of the conversation.

For your original posting, I got that the hostess is a bitch. She would react to any situation with that attitude. While it normally doesn't bother you that much, it involved your child and that made you very mad.

If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that parents take comments about their children VERY seriously. As evidenced by the story about the sister and the irate mother.

I stand by my comments about noisy children, but I wouldn't say it relates to the episode you related, mamapoppins.
post #97 of 119
Quote:
The 21 yo single,childless hostess was out of line.
and your point is?
The story about your sister....i am a bit skeptical. Someone would smash your sisters face for an innocent comment? Police involvement, no less. I would bet my last dollar that she wasnt as nice as you think. (this is not to say i advocate violence).
Quote:
I guess I don't get admitted into the MDC perfect motherhood club.
Me neither MP. remember i'm a rightwinger who gave her kids pacifiers :LOL

Arduinna
post #98 of 119
Oceanbaby -

I]This is exactly the problem I am talking about! So because an adult is more likely to put up resistance, let them act like an ass, but because kids are expected to be subserviant, and because parents (especially moms - notice dads don't seem to get this kind of rude behavior) are expected to be ashamed and made to feel guilty for the actions of their children, then we think they need to be spoken to if their child dares to annoy us.[/I]

Yes, an adult can act like an #%@ and everyone will not only think of them as such but think of their parents as failing to teach them proper manners.

Subservient by dictionary definition means subordinate in capacity or function. Guess what!!!! Subservient describes children. Children are subservient in capacity. The capacity to understand the proper behavior in certain situations and therefore, it is a PARENT'S responsiblity to teach them proper behavior. I would HOPE that a parent is in the habit of teaching their children not only proper manners but doing so when it warrants it. Such as when someone comes up to them and says something.

You are right most of us are not talking about your everyday occasional accident that can happen to an adult or child or even occaisional loud behavior. But there have been some comments here that seem to suggest that regardless of the behavior it is the child's RIGHT to act however they want, and the parent's right to allow them to distrup and disturb other people around them. I don't have the time at the moment to cut and edit but if you want I can do so later. The first one that comes to mind is Jen and girls comment about knocking anyone on their #%@ for EVER saying anything to her.
post #99 of 119
Heartmama, when I break things I take full responsability for it accident or not. And again, yes I don't see anyone stating the obivous such as if you were looking straight ahead you wouldn't have walked into the wall (for example) as "super rude". I mean really, if someone isn't watching where they are walking or driving isn't a natural consequence to bang into something?? Is it the walls fault? The builder of the houses fault? No it's mine for not watching where I'm going.

This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions. My kid isn't perfect and neither am I. But I don't blame my mother for having the VCR within dds reach when dd put some change in it when I wasn't looking. Do I expect my mom to take responsability for it? Do I expect her to be happy about her broken VCR? Do I replace it? Or do I tell everyone I know how it never would have happend if my mom hadn't put the VCR there?
post #100 of 119
Quote:
You are right most of us are not talking about your everyday occasional accident that can happen to an adult or child or even occaisional loud behavior. But there have been some comments here that seem to suggest that regardless of the behavior it is the child's RIGHT to act however they want, and the parent's right to allow them to distrup and disturb other people around them. I don't have the time at the moment to cut and edit but if you want I can do so later. The first one that comes to mind is Jen and girls comment about knocking anyone on their #%@ for EVER saying anything to her.
ITA.
Quote:
This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions. My kid isn't perfect and neither am I. But I don't blame my mother for having the VCR within dds reach when dd put some change in it when I wasn't looking. Do I expect my mom to take responsability for it? Do I expect her to be happy about her broken VCR? Do I replace it? Or do I tell everyone I know how it never would have happend if my mom hadn't put the VCR there?
Excellent point Ard.
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