Originally Posted by Milakais
I'm so frustrated! We thought they sprayed the lawns with pesticide on Friday, because they'd put up the pesticides signs. But when we went out yesterday, they were in the process of spraying the lawn -- they were just getting to it then. So we gave up a lovely long weekend's worth of outside time, and now we still can't go out to play, because now the grass is
covered with fresh, toxic chemicals.
They even sprayed the local playground!
: And it's not supposed to rain all week, so the chemicals won't be washed off anytime soon, and we're going to be wasting another full week of potential lovely-outdoor-playtime weather (some of the last warm days of the year before our long Canadian winter) avoiding lawn toxins.
oh man, that would have me
I had a huge fight with my best friend this morning
Basically, my DD was watching a video and not letting friend DD watch too. my method is to very calmly try to get at the bottom of why any child is doing an action that upsets another child. In this case, my DD was feeling bad that friend DD was disagreeing with her on the spelling of a word.
So what I'd normally do is talk to them about why each one was feeling bad, (initially leaving the resulting "bad behaviour" out of the calculations) and try to facilitate them in resolving that. What usually happens is as soon as the initial problem is resolved, the overt problem is also gone.
In this case, I could see that friend DD was too stressed to give this discusion the space it needed, and as long as the movie was playing, they were both going to focus on that. So I suggested putting another movie on my computer for friend DD to watch, thinking that its easier to just provied each child with one of whatever than trying to force them to share when they're both in bad moods. I figured, once friend DD was settled, getting to watch the movie, my DD wouldn't feel pressured to "protect" her space from her friend, and we could talk about it. Seemed to me like both kids would get what they want, which is to watch the movie, and we'd get the space to resolve the inital issue.
anyway, my friend does things really differently. She was angered that I would put a movie on for her DD on a different player, and thus "letting DD get what she wants". Her approach would be to find out what's going on, in this case that my DD isnt sharing her DVD player, and decide that not sharing is bad, and insist that DD has to share, no questions asked. If DD refuses to share, and cant be forced to do so, they say "if you arent going to share then we dont want to play with you and we'll go home".
I'm trying really hard to see things from her perspective, and not judge her parenting. she just does things differently. But she really quickly started shouting at me, and accused me of saying my DD is a saint who can't do wrong and can get away with everything and her DD is a b!tch (yes, she actually said that to me), and that I'm constantly judging her.
I tried really hard to keep my voice calm and listen to her shouting at me, but she interrupted everything I said, and in the end just announced, "we're leaving!" and got to the door.
Basically, I feel like this attitude of "if you dont do what I like, I'm leaving" to be really manipulative and ugly. I dont have a problem with someone deciding to leave if they feel uncomfortable with a situation, but to try to blackmail someone into doing what you want by saying it makes me feel awful. And IMO, just starting a fight and then leaving isnt modeling conflict resolution to our children.
Anyway, she walked out to her car, leaving the girls with me. I calmly explained to them what's going on, and asked each of them how they're feeling. they apologised to each other and went off to play happily.
I went down to talk to my friend in her car, but she was avoiding me, wouldn't look at me or answer anything I said. So I just said to her that it makes me feel bad that she's trying to shut me out, and walked away.
We made up in the end, didn't further discuss the fight or our parenting styles, but we both talked about our personal issues that are making us stressed in the moment...
I still feel miserable. I've just moved to this country, and she is the only good friend I have here, and her DD is my DD's best friend, and she's homeschooling. So I really dont want to lose that friendship.
Sorry to blather on so long, I just needed to get it off my chest