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Picking last names

post #1 of 59
Thread Starter 
Hey everyone!

I'm curious as to what you did with last names in your family.

When DP and I have been talking about it, she's wanting me to take her name and give it to future kids.

What did you do?
post #2 of 59
Though I love my parents, I've always hated my maiden name and happily chose to take my partners name (even though it was harder to pronounce and spell). We wanted to do it before we had kids so that everyone had the same last name.
post #3 of 59
We're still discussing it, but we've put TTC plans on hold, so that gives us extra time! I will probably hyphenate my last name with my partner's and give my kids the hyphenated name. We have seriously Germanic sounding last names, however, so we've discussed using the last name of our potential donor as well.
post #4 of 59
I've discussed this with some friends who have hyphenated names, two last names, or their father's last name - but not their mother's. What I've hear from them is that it's diffucult to have a hyphen because some forms don't allow hyphens as a character option for a last name. Also, giving a hyphenated last name to someone over the phone has caused some confusion.
A woman with two last names said that the first one never gets used, so it ends up more like a middle name.
Another woman with a different last name from her mother, said it caused confusion in school with the signing of permission slips and checks and things.

We talked about creating a new last name using the first syllable of my name and the last of hers, but that doesn't come out too pretty.

So, I think in the end we will just combine my last name with hers. Run it all together in one word, but leave the first letter of both last names capitalized. I know it may seem a little strange, but our last names work out well for this. It ends up being a name like BlackWell(just an example).
post #5 of 59
My wife is giving birth in DC, and the baby can only take the mother or father's name (i.e. not mine), so he will have my wife's last name. I may change my last name to my wife's last name at some point, but haven't made any steps to do that so far. I'm cool with being known as the (my wife's last name) Family, though. I would definitely change my name if things don't go smoothly with schools, doctors, etc, but I know lots of couples with different last names and it doesn't seem to matter.
Meredith
post #6 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by pranava View Post
We talked about creating a new last name using the first syllable of my name and the last of hers, but that doesn't come out too pretty.

So, I think in the end we will just combine my last name with hers. Run it all together in one word, but leave the first letter of both last names capitalized. I know it may seem a little strange, but our last names work out well for this. It ends up being a name like BlackWell(just an example).
DP and I have been debating this issue as well, though we're not under the gun yet to come up with a solution. We can combine our names in a number of amusing, but not particularly practical, combinations - i.e. Elfu, Fuel, Eltrell, or, our favorite, Fukins. And combining our entire names into one long name is cumbersome. I suppose by the time we have to put something on the dotted line that we'll come up with something.
post #7 of 59
I grew up in a family with two different last names (half-brothers, though we usually forget that part), so it doesn't bother me to have different names. My partner felt strongly, though, that she wanted one family name. She didn't mind changing hers, but I wanted to keep mine. Because of all that, and because she was the one giving birth, changing her last name to my last name made sense: we'd all have one name, and the baby would be born with that name. She kept all her birth names and added my family name on the end.

I would have been completely happy to have different names, and I was surprised by how having one family name made us feel more official somehow. I think when you have so few legally recognized ways to come out and say "Hey, we're a family!", things that wouldn't otherwise seem important can start to feel important.
post #8 of 59
I like that LA Mayor who merged his name with the wife's idea....

Villa and Rigosa to Villarigosa ?

Kulia
post #9 of 59
I took Dw's name and all the kids did too. We like that we all have the same name, and I was happy to see my maiden name go (my sisters had already gotten rid of it even though neither of them were married or had kids yet, lol). It was helpful for dw's family that the kids had their same last name since I am the bio mom.

HTH!

Lex
post #10 of 59
I, too, changed my last name to DW's last name shortly after we were married. I did not have a strong attachment to my maiden name, although it was a pretty cool last name. It is important to me that we have a family name because it may help with school, doctors, etc. Plus, it has become almost certain due to DW's breast cancer and subsequent menopause that I will be the biomom to all of our children. Since I am going to be biomom, we can all have DW's last name.

Truth be told, I liked my maiden name better than DW's name, but keeping her name was more important to her than it was to me. And I really like getting mail addressed to the Lastname Family. It makes me smile.
post #11 of 59
I took my wife's name when we got married. She has a much easier to pronounce Anglicized name (very common) and my maiden name was long, German and hard for a lot of people to pronounce. She cared about her name (which I think is funny since it is so common), and I wasn't opposed to losing mine. Hyphenating was never, ever an option. It would have been over 15 letters!

Our kids will have our family name. I like it even more since I will be the biomom and want her to feel connected as much as possible.
post #12 of 59
I have noticed lots of younger lesbian couples taking the same last name, and I have to say, I like it. If we didn't both have professional associations with our last names, not to mention being in our 40's, I think we might consider taking the same last name. We didn't want to saddle our daughter with what would be a long, cumbersome hyphenated name though. Solution? We gave her two middle names, the second one being my partner's last name. We didn't really care what our daughter's surname was, so we picked the name that was first in the alphabet! My daughter knows her "full name" that includes my partner's last name, (first/middle/partner's last name/my last name) and it's useful on forms when we want to emphasize the relationship, but she also has a "short name" (first/last) that's not too long and clumsy.
post #13 of 59
I'm the biomom, and we're giving the baby my name. I'd be open to giving the baby her name, but she doesn't have any attachment to her last name really. It's her biodad's name, who hasn't been in her life since infancy. She doesn't share the name with her mom (remarried), her (half) sister, her (step) grandma, or any of the other folks she cares about so it's not a big deal for her.

I on the other hand have a large family and a long history, and we both want the baby to feel as much a part of that as possible. Our kids would be a part of the family no matter what name they had, of course, but that connection just seemed more important than her last name.
post #14 of 59
Thread Starter 
Soo many responses! WOW!
post #15 of 59
Thread Starter 
Okay I finally got a chance to read them all and I am amazed at the different things that everyone has come up with!

Me and DP both realized that if we don't have a little boy together(via me or adoption) that our family names will die! That was kinda what was a big deal.

though now things may be changing with my family.

I'm kinda feeling like I need to detach from my family and take on DP's name.
post #16 of 59
DW is an only daughter, with an 11-letter last name, and i am one of two (my brother has three kids) with a 5-letter last name. we were married in quebec, which, while it is more than willing to give you the option to marry legally, does not allow a wife to change her name to her husband/partner's name for no other reason reason than marriage (this is currently being challenged in the canadian courts). so we used both last names as our DS's last name. that way he has the option to use the shortest possible combination of letters (4+5) for his name. then again, we also gave him three names before his two last names, so i guess we aren't really doing too well on the "keeping the letters down" front!
post #17 of 59
My partner and I both were never very fond of our given names. Mine was just bad. her's was misspelled and mispronounced often. Shortly after our wedding in CA, we changed both our names to my Maternal Grandmother's given name. Unfortunately, that side of the family is Sicilian and our new name is mispronounced way more than my partner's was before. LOL. Our son was born in July with my Grandmother's name. We both felt it has been helpful w/ doctors and such to share a family name.
post #18 of 59
Thread Starter 
Did anyone rid themselves of both names and choose a new name together?
post #19 of 59
We are thinking of giving the baby her last name since I will carry it. Its much shorter than mine and mine is often misspelled as well which is very anoying.

Coco
post #20 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErikaLeigh View Post
I'm curious as to what you did with last names in your family.
After we were married I changed my last name to DW's last name. We wanted to all have the same last name because for us it was just an extra step in validating us as a family since we have no laws here in SC to protect us and also for the many reasons listed by others above. We chose DW's last name because I had no attachment to mine.
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